moments that make us
by leighbell
Summary: A first go at Fanfic exploring the past and ongoing adventures of Shepard and her crew...prepared for some crazy merging of characters, story lines and enjoying the freedom of fanfic...thats what its all about right? Eventual shenko, Changed rating to M for language to be safe and whatever else may crop up.
1. Chapter 1 preparing to board

**A/N**_ this is a little introduction to test the waters on my first ever FanFic I will loosely follow cannon but merge and change a lot of things about the past life of the characters and events making it a bit more interesting than just a re telling of the story, eventual shenko. And excuse any mistakes I have not got a beta, any offers will be good _

**Disclaimer:**_ Yah yah I do not own Mass Effect or any of its lovely little creations I just like to put them in my dollhouse and play with them _

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**Chapter 1**

**A boarding party**

_ETA to Mu Relay 1 hour 32 mins_

Life is full of moments that defy who we are and makes us the supposed perfect example of humanity, well that was people said about her, but Victoria Shepard disagreed, she was not a perfect of example of humanity, not the perfect solider and most certainly not the perfect women, but as she lay wrapped up in Kaidens arms heading towards to the biggest battle she had ever faced and was almost certain she would not survive, for the first time in her life she dared to believe, she dared to hope and she dared to think of herself more than the Alliance's dirty little secrete

_Present day_

David Anderson sat his desk, his dress blues in a state of perfection, clean, crisp and perfectly ironed no one would dare write him up for improper uniform he was the shining example of what a captain should look like and for that he was grateful, today was going to be one of those days that he would have to remind himself not to wipe the nervous sweat from his brow on his sleeves, today needed to be perfect, hell this whole shakedown had to be perfect and he did not want to screw up and have his head served on a platter with ice cream to the council.

Kaiden Alenko sat on a bench near the entrance to the docking bay nervously rubbing his knuckles, he never liked these kind of missions when he didn't have a clue what was going on but, hell this is what he got paid for right? Serve humanity, serve the Alliance and maybe you can make a decent man out of yourself he told himself, but this, this was something completely different. A few months ago he was approached by Captain Anderson requesting his service on a new Alliance vessel of course Kaiden heard the rumors of the Normandy I mean what marine hadn't, it was meant to be to be the most anticipated prototype ship in Alliance military, co designed with Turians it was more than just a ship it was a symbol of humanities advancement since the first contact war that we are ready to act along side other species for the greater good of the Galaxy, though Kaiden couldn't help but think that the ship still had Alliance colors and that was good enough for Kaiden. He was glad when he first toured the ship he saw Joker at the cockpit, Jeff Monroe AKA: Joker was someone Kaiden had worked with previously he was a bit of cocky dick but what pilot isn't? Especially when he was one of the best in the fleet, it eased Kaidens mind that he will at least have one person he could talk to. Kaiden and Joker where both outsiders, with Kaiden being an L2 biotic and Joker a cripple they found solitude in each other's company from the rowdy and judgmental crew they once served with.

Anderson scanned over the crew manifest one more time before he was satisfied he had selected the best crew possible for this mission, they all had some form of working relationship with one or more other members, they where the best of the best and he only hoped that they would not let him down. His crew would be ready to board by this evening, well all his crew apart from one and a guest. The only crew member yet to be even told about this mission was the one he most looking forward to and dreading seeing his XO Commander Victoria Shepard, he only hoped she would be on her best behavior and so first thing was first he made plans to go pick her up as soon as they departed.

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**A/N**_ R and R would be great, let me know ideas no matter how crazy or wild I love to play around_


	2. Chapter 2 Anderson's guilt

**A/N**_ As the first chapter layout was terrible lets try again __ the story is a bit slow to get into but it will get there __ thanks to _**LuckyF** _and _**daftkitykat**_ for the follow and _**tccarty**_ for the advice. People may hate me for how I have messed up the stories and this is only a start! (Spelling and grammar I apologize for it really is not my strong point) _

**Disclaimer**_: so I don't own Mass Effect or any of there ideas but I like to twist them around into a squishy messed up ball!_

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**Chapter 2**

**Anderson's guilt **

Anderson sat in his quarters on the Normandy, his dress blues jacket slung over the office chair and unbuttoning his shirt so he could breath a little easier; he sat down and pressed on the intercom

'Joker, how long till we arrive?'

'ETA 1 hour 34 min until we reach the Artimus tau cluster and…add 20 minuets to that to reach Macedon '

Anderson sighed and decided it was now or never to go get his XO and knowing her he would have to drag her kicking and screaming from whatever trouble she had gotten herself into.

'Joker tell Alenko and Jenkins I want them in the shuttle bay suited and ready to go when we reach Macedon…..'

'Roger that captain'

Joker turned around and saw Kaidan looking at him with that damned annoying eyebrow raised in curiosity and smirked

'Here that Kaidan? Looks like you get a field trip with the FNG and the Captain…best polish those boots don't want to give a bad impression right?'

'My boots are always polished I can keep them clean unlike your damned mouth'

'Hey hey' Joker raised his hands in mocked defense 'its not just my mouth that's dirty give me credit …my mind is far worse'

Kaidan smiled and turned round to walk away from the cockpit before Joker shouted ' your hair is fine, it don't need combing again mate'

Kaidan didn't bother to turn round he just replied with a hand gesture that made Joker laugh and he went off to find Jenkins to let him know to be ready to be suited up and to be ready to go groundside when they arrive.

Joker leaned back in his chair and placed a hand over the control panel…yah he loved this ship she was everything he had ever wished for and more, that moment he first took her through the Sol relay his heart dropped to his stomach she was so smooth and beautiful, he really was in love with her and couldn't wait to get Eden Prime to really start putting her through her paces, though something was eating him up. Just before they left Arcturus they had a guest board the ship, a Turian Spectre….Joker didn't mind Turians as long as they didn't have a gun to his head they didn't bother him but this one was a Spectre a damn Spectre! What the hell was a Spectre doing on board? Alenko tried to reassure him telling him it makes sense for the council to send someone to oversee this shakedown, and a Turian could see how there investment went but seriously a Spectre? A Turian general or something he might understand but this was way above his understanding and pay grade so of course he wouldn't understand.

Anderson hated keeping everything from the crew but he was told this was on a need to know basis and the Specter on board did not help the situation, scuttlebutt was seriously churning out some rather interesting stories as to what was going on…none of them true but he had to watch what rumor's where spreading and he needed to get his XO and he needed her to behave!

_The year 2512 CE _

Anderson stood there dressed in the finest suit he had ever worn, he looked up at Jonathan who was stood there in his Alliance blues nervously fiddling with his fingers, Jonathan Shepard was standing at the alter waiting for his finance Hannah to finally walk down the aisle to become his wife, Anderson was honored that John asked him to be his best man, though he was a fair bit older than himself Anderson grew up next to the Shepard's in London and soon became friends with John who played with him as a child and when Anderson's parents died in a shuttle crash the Shepard's took him in. So Jonathan Shepard became his friend and brother and could not wait until he could follow in his footsteps and join the Alliance.

_The year 2154 CE, April 11__th_

'Hold on Hannah he is on his way…hold on hold on!'

Anderson was clutching the screaming Hanna's hand; she was breathing hard and fast, the midwife looked up to Anderson

'She is going to have to start pushing soon….we cant wait much longer'

'NOOOOOO' Hannah screamed clutching Andersons hand, digging her nails in until they drew blood 'I need John…John needs to be here'

Anderson looked concern but he would not leave his best friends wife to do this on her own….John had to show up soon, he spared a glance at his omni tool, it had been 2 hours since Hannah went into labor and she couldn't hold on much longer.

Just as Hannah let out a scream the door burst open and John stood there sweating and panicking, he ran over to Hannah who without any warning slapped him hard across the face

'Where the FUCK have you been, I am being ripped apart here'

John looked at her with a grin on his face and kissed her on her nose just before she let out another scream,

'Ok now Mrs. Shepard, push!' the midwife looked relived that could finally get the baby out of her patient.

Anderson went to leave the room but John with his spare hand grabbed him and muttered under Hannah's screams 'don't leave me mate, she might kill me…or I might faint and you need to be here to meet your Goddaughter'

The day John and Hannah found out about the sex of the baby they decided they wanted to call her Victoria after Johns great grandmother and then they asked Anderson if he would be her godfather, it was an old fashioned term that held hardly any meaning to it in todays age, but it was a honor and something he would take seriously, so Anderson accepted and so now he stood next to the hospital bed waiting for his Goddaughter to come into this world.

_The year 2157 CE_

The year Anderson graduated from the N7 academy was the year his life would change forever, though he spent most of his time at the academy he tried to spend as much time with little Victoria, who stole his heart away with the cute little red curls and bright green eyes that looked up to him in curiosity and wonder, but becoming an N7 he knew he would never be able to spend as much time as he would of wanted to with her, but he was wrong. He was sitting in the mess hall of the SSV Agincourt when the news came in Shanxi was attacked, a few hours later he was on a video call with grief stricken Hannah Shepard…Jonathan was dead.

_Present day_

Anderson looked at the photo on his desk, it was at Victoria 1st birthday party, in the garden at the family home in England, they looked all so happy, he glanced at the face of Jonathan and guilt spread through him, he failed as a Godfather, failed as friend and as a brother, but he will do his damn hardest to make up for it.

With that in mind and stood up heading to the shuttle bay to suit up, time to go and fetch Victoria.

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**A/N**_ Please R and R! Any feedback would be great and sorry it's taking some time to get to the story…not long now though _


	3. Chapter 3 Merc or Marine?

**A/N**_ ok so here is where I really start to merge things together, I have decided to keep with the correct timeline so it stays in order, also I have taken inspiration from my own life within the military and my families to how marines can really be, they are not all perfect all the time and I like the fact they are just human. I was unsure on Shepard's character at first at how I'm portraying her but she does get more serious when she needs to no worries there. Each chapter just keeps getting longer! And thanks again to __**tccarty**__ for the support and to __**littlelambs**__ WARNING the language can be a bit bad at times but a Marine swears and smokes and drinks all the time. _

**Disclaimer**_: Mass Effect is not mine…otherwise there would have been a far better and more epic ending _

…

**Chapter 3**

**Merc or Marine?**

Victoria Shepard flung off her armor, she was hot and sweaty and her armor stank like the backside of a dead Batarian, and she would know as she spent the past hour dragging the bodies of the dead Blue Suns and piled them up and burned them. The smell a dead Batarian is something you cant forget they always smelt so bad. She let down her long wavy red hair, it was way too long by Alliance standards but she didn't care, she rummaged around in her bag for some skivvies, she would end up on a public shuttle no doubt and she liked to stay under the radar so she slipped on some shorts and a t shirt and strapped on her pistol and leaned against one of the burned out Blue Suns shuttles and lit up a cigarette and enjoyed the peace and quiet that surrounded her. The Alliance sent on her on a mission to gather information on a possible Blue Suns base, once she had realized there was a full blown operation on the planet she decided to take it down and that's why there was a pile of burning bodies and a stack of information and credits she took from the base before blowing it up. This would no doubt resulting in her getting a slap on the wrist for not waiting for back up and not following the correct procedure but she knew she would of ended up leading the team to take it down so why not do it by herself now?

Shepard always liked to work on her own, that is why as an N7 she was glad she could and damn if she wasn't good at it she was the best they had, but since Elysium where she had to watch so many innocent killed and taken it was just like when she was 16 all over again and she did not want to live through that again, so she fought with everything she had and more, and then Akuze loosing her entire squad, no wonder she lost it and became cracked on Torfan killing everyone on site there was only so much survivors guilt a human could handle. Thank God for Anderson if he had not been there she doubted she would of ever came out of the crazy stricken murder rage, and it scared her that she can loose control like that so she preferred to be on her own, no risk to others just herself and the bad guys, she had seen enough people suffer to last her the lifetime of an Asari. No she would rather stay like she is now and the Alliance seemed to agree with her for once, after Elysium she had become a god damn hero and her name had become known throughout humanity and despite what the Alliance did to keep her away from the media Shepard was known as the Hero of the Blitz and survivor of Akuze thankfully not many people knew the truth of Torfan and for that she was grateful she suspected it had to do with Anderson protecting her but now the Alliances dirty little secret had a name and now there secret had become a hero she could only count down the days until she either got killed or wacked behind a desk.

She took a slow drag of the cigarette and looked up to see an Alliance Mako heading her way, well time to get that slap on the wrist she thought as she lay back on the Blue Suns shuttle waiting for some stuck up CO to come and shout at her for the next half hour…what fun.

Anderson climbed into the Mako with Alenko and Jenkins, he took them with him as backup as he couldn't get any information as to what exactly Shepard what was doing and he didn't fancy getting caught up in the middle of a firefight on his own, so he bought them along for backup just in case. He looked over to Jenkins who was chatting to Alenko, Jenkins was clearly excited to be working with a biotic and couldn't wait to see what Alenko could do, he only smiled in return and Jenkins was interrupted when Anderson decided to get them a little brief on why they where here.

' I don't know if I have to say this, but this is off the books'

Both marines nodded, Kaidan had been in the Alliance long enough to know when things where not exactly as what they seemed.

Anderson carefully choose his words, ' We are here to see someone, now I don't know what situation she will be in…normally its trouble so that's why you are here, you will act as support and backup only, do I make myself clear?

'Yes sir' they replied in unison.

They got out of the Mako and Anderson drew out his pistol followed closely by Alenko and Jenkins, they could see a large amount of smoke ahead and Anderson cursed under his breath as they began to press forward. He only wished he could of contacted Shepard before to give some warning they where coming but he couldn't, a communications fault on her omni tool must of stopped this, he wasn't far from being wrong. Shepard used her omni tool to block her face from an explosion and it got fried to a crisp, which is why even if she wanted to call for backup she would of had to go through so much trouble to get a message she might as well handle it herself. Yah that's what she would say to the brass.

Anderson walked slowly towards the smoke and in the distance he saw her…and moved towards her, pistol still by his side and Alenko and Jenkins behind him.

' You know I was expecting someone, but certainly not you Anderson' Shepard looked up at Anderson who lowered his pistol, he stood for a moment studying her carefully, her long hair was down and she was dressed like a civilian apart from the pistol strapped to her side and the fact she had a small strip of blood trickling from her hairline, she looked unharmed. He wanted to run up to her to give her a hug and to make sure she really was ok but he was on duty right now her superior officer not her godfather.

Kaidan looked at the women before him, long toned tanned legs, an arse he could not help but have a primal male need to squeeze it… and then before he could continue to study her further he noticed her eyes, damn those eyes should not be allowed on a women they where a startling green with flecks of blue that seemed to dance and sparkle as he looked at her, he could not help but think they looked like the sea after a storm before suddenly he was bought back to attention by the sound of her laughter that seemed to light the whole planet up

'Me trouble? Never! I only get into trouble when I'm bored' she turned and winked at the Marines and both of them blushed under her abrupt acknowledgment of there presence ' and these bastards kept me entertained for quite some time' she glanced over to the pile of burning bodies and Anderson sighed 'Victoria?'

She turned and looked at Anderson with a confused look on her face 'yes Anderson?'

Kaidan couldn't help but think when he saw the pile of bodies that this one women could not of done that, then he noticed the armor at her feet and the stack of weapons, credits and data pads, the trickle of blood on her face and those toned legs of her started to look very powerful as well as the slim toned arms that when she moved you could see the muscles they held beneath, those eyes where not like the sea after the storm they where the storm and this women was dangerous

Suddenly there was a loud shot next to Kaidan, he turned round immediately to see Jenkins shaking slightly and pointing his gun at the pile of bodies. Anderson and Shepard both looked at him before Anderson shouted 'what the hell was that Jenkins?'

Jenkins looked a little sheepish as he lowered his gun 'I thought….I mean I saw one move'

Shepard smiled and turned to Anderson 'so I can assume your not here for a social visit?'

He turned back towards her 'how could you guess'

'Well you come here with no warning and risk the chance of jeopardizing me, bringing along a trigger happy puppy' she glanced over at Jenkins who looked down in embarrassment ' and a poster boy for the Alliance' she then gestured to Alenko.

Shepard could not help but notice the perfect looking marine behind Anderson, she wondered if he just stepped out of a recruitment add, and god it pissed her off, his perfect hair, the way he held himself, the clean shave and she would just bet a years wages that his uniform was immaculate, still he was rather good looking, just then she caught him looking at her rather intensely and corrected herself no he was VERY good looking with those deep brown eyes and a jaw line that any sculptor would be happy to recreate, but still he wasn't her type, too neat too perfect, someone like him would hate her, she blamed her interest on the fact she had not had sex in months and the first human male around her age she sees he would appear attractive, just as she came to that conclusion she noticed Anderson give her THE LOOK..damn it, she hated it when he gave that look it was a look between disappointment and bewilderment and it normally meant she was in trouble,.

Anderson had become like a father to her after her dad died, of course she was only 3 when it happened so she didn't have many memories of her real father and Anderson had been there to help her and her mum, he was the only thing she had even close to a father and he had saved her life more than once, and in many different ways. So when he gave her the look she felt like a 5 year old girl again getting caught climbing up a tree in her new dress.

'Well your right I am here on business Anderson said interrupting her thoughts

She leaned back on the shuttle lighting up another cigarette ' what do you need? Information? Someone taken of…. quietly' she smirked as she took another drag and Anderson shook his head

'I thought you quit?' he asked disapprovingly 'its going to kill you'

She just shook at her head at him 'when I wake up in a morning knowing I wont have a gun pointing at me and the chances ill be dead are a lot higher than smoking then ill quit….you still haven't told me why you're here'

'I have a new ship' he replied bluntly

Shepard took a moment for replying 'so I have heard, the SSV Normandy'

'What have you heard?'

She sighed before turning to reach down for her bag 'officially? it's a prototype deep scout frigate co designed with Turians, and council sponsored, I hear its pretty damn impressive or it should be …..unofficially? I know its main purpose is to gather information and to act as a lone ship for reconnaissance missions, it has a nice new shiny and experimental Tantalus drive core that powers the IES stealth system it makes the ship nearly invisible to trace out of FTL flight and add the kick ass spinal mass accelerator cannon and GARDIAN defense laser, it is one hell of a ship that I would love to get my hands on' she may not be much of a tech wiz but she knows a good ship when she sees one, she knows what does damage and what she wants to get her hands on and that ship could give her some serious fun

Kaidan and Jenkins stood there in utter bewilderment she knew more about the ship then they did, but how the hell does she know all of this? It was supposedly top secret.

Anderson laughed as she told him what she knew 'I don't want to know where you got your information from do I?' he smiled at her shaking his head, trust Shepard to know more than she should, but hell that was her job she was the best at infiltration, reconnaissance and off the book missions, this ship would be perfect for her. Maybe it wont be as hard to get her on board as he thought.

'Well then you may be interested in what I have to say after all' he raised his eyebrow at her, judging by her expression she was curious and he was going to take that as a good sign. 'I want you on the ship'

Before she could reply Alenko couldn't help himself but shout out in shock, from what he could tell this women was no more than a mercenary who just killed a shit load of Batrians for credits and information before burning there bodies, the best conclusion he could come up with was she worked for the shadow broker.

Both Shepard and Anderson turned to look at Alenko. Shepard smiled at him, hell maybe he isn't so perfect after all, the thought amused her or was he so perfect he was willing to disagree with a CO to keep his beloved Alliance safe from the mess she brings along with her. Anderson scowled at Alenko but before he could say anything Shepard walked over to him ' so you don't want me on your shiny new ship poster boy?' Kaiden didn't reply he was not going to voice his opinion in front of his Captain 'common poster boy, you obviously have something to say?' she glared at him arms crossed and foot tapping impatiently.

Alenko looked at the ground he could tell she was trying to annoy him and it was working he took a deep breath before looking right into those amazing eyes of her and saying in the most professional way he could 'its not my place to say, but this ship is supposedly top secret and I am just surprised what with the hand picked crew, that the Captain would want a…'

'A what?' he was really starting to piss her off but she could not help but find that raspy voice of his rather sexy…..damn she needed to get laid

'That the captain would want, what looks like to me a mercenary on his ship' he looked down thinking he was about to be in the shit but to his surprise she just laughed

'You know I thought I had more style than a merc….a pirate maybe but a merc? Give me a little credit here poster boy! do you think one merc could do such a nice job cleaning up this mess' she glanced at the burning bodies and buildings behind her. Before she could say anything else Anderson walked over 'Lieutenant Alenko I think you are very much mistaken, this is Commander Victoria Shepard of the Alliance Navy and an N7 and she is about to become the XO of the Normany and I am sure her name is familiar to you'

Shepard gave a half smile looking at the shocked faces of the Marines in front of her. Yah she thought I may be able to have some fun after all.

A/N Please R and R they are very much welcome and help me attempted to get through this as I don't want to give up any ideas are welcome


	4. Chapter 4 -BLOCKED- and first impression

**A/N**_ I don't like this chapter, I can't seem to get it right, but what the hell have it anyway! Thank you to __**Littlelambs, tccarty**__ and__** Jules**__ for the support; it's been a great help and to __**radiogirl79**__ for the follow _

**Disclaimer**_: I do not own Mass Effect I just like to pretend I do _

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**Chapter 4**

**-BLOCKED- and first impressions**

Suddenly the realization of what Anderson had said to her hit her, an XO? How the hell could she be an XO? She knew she was good at leading a squad but she swore to herself she would never put herself in a situation where she had to watch loved ones or squad mates die again, she couldn't bare to go through the pain and guilt of loosing more people because she was not good enough to save them, she was not quick enough, or strong enough to protect the people she swore to look after. She knew that death was all part of the job but she had seen enough and did not want to revisit the nightmares she had that haunted her sleep and the dark places of her mind.

_The year 2177 CE, Akuze_

Shepard lay covered in sweat and blood, a gaping wound at her side caused by the toxic chemicals the Thresher Maw had spat out, It was burning through her skin causing her extreme agony that made her gasp in pain every time she moved, all around she could hear the screams and sounds of her squad dying but she was helpless to save them suddenly she noticed one of her squad was crawling towards her covered in blood with half of his right leg missing he dragged himself forward screaming something at her that she could not hear under the roars of the Thresher, she pulled herself towards him inch by inch reaching out to grasp his hand, the pain as she stretched became almost unbearable as she fought back the vomit that started to crawl up her throat and the dizziness that closed in all around her. Finally when her vision became less blurred she could see his head she grabbed it but the blood on her armored gloves made it slip out of reach, she screamed for him to reach out, she tried with all her energy and strength to reach the dying marine, if she could only get to him she might be able to save at least one of her squad mates. With one last push of her strength she finally grabbed his hand, she looked into his eyes the fear and horror that spread through them probably mirrored her own suddenly the ground behind him opened up and the screeching roars of the Thresher thundered around them and then without warning the marine was gone from her reach, burning up in a mass of toxic fluid he was burning alive the screams he made burned into her own mind like the toxic and she couldn't do anything to save him, she had failed again she collapsed and tears ran down her face and she accepted that death that was soon to come for her, but it never did.

_Present day_

Anderson looked at the faded smile of Shepard and realized what he asked her to do was hard and he never wanted to cause her any more pain but he felt that this may be good for her, she cant keep herself hidden on these solo missions, eventually she would go crazy and she had so much potential, he did not want to see that go to waste and the brass agreed it was time to get Shepard back into the game and what better than this mission, she would be perfect for it. He motioned for her to follow him to the back of the Blue Suns shuttle, a few private words would not hurt, she may need a little encouragement before she decides to run half way across the Galaxy.

Shepard followed him, out of sight from the marines that still stood there in utter shock that they just met the great Commander Shepard.

Anderson looked at her with concern before finally saying 'Victoria, I know this is not exactly what you had in mind when you agreed to continue to serve in the Alliance' Shepard went to say something but Anderson held up his hand 'I know that the last thing you need is to suffer more than you have, but because of everything you have faced you have come out as one of the best damn soldiers we have and the brass don't want to turn there back on such potential and skill… despite the erm issues you have with the brass'

She snorted at this remark 'its not me that has the issues I only hate most of them because they such a problem with me, especially that scumbag Udina' she shuddered at the thought of slimy prick who just wanted to make her life a living hell. ' I assume they are ok with this?'

'Yes, in fact they support the idea'

She smiled at the thought of Udina having to swallow his pride 'that makes a change, is this direct orders?'

'We didn't have time for official orders, the decision was only made a few days ago but obviously it is, yes.'

'You wanna tell me what's really going on? You don't need two N7s serving on frigate for a shakedown'

Anderson took a moment before looking right at her with his best stern face on 'listen, this will be good for you, I'm not asking that you become poster perfect as you like to put it but maybe the stability and structure of a frigate and a good command position will be good for you, and well damn it Vikki you are a great leader and you don't want that to go to waste' he looked at her, his eyes almost pleading, he wanted her with him, he wanted her to become the solider he always knew she could be and once was, he couldn't bare to sit back and watch as she destroys herself and ends up being nothing than a washed corpse on the streets of Omega. No he was not going to fail again he would make her come if it meant he had to pull his gun on her…..though he didn't want to repeat that experience again.

_The year 2172 CE Tokyo, Earth_

Anderson stood in the shadows of the club, it was dingy, full of smoke and was at the heart of the gangs territory in Tokyo, he glanced over to the small table in the dark and he saw her, yes… that was her, she may of dyed her hair black, lost a lot of weight but that was definitely Victoria, god what would her mother say if she found out this is how she was living, he was only thankful that her dad wasn't alive to bear witness to this but then again if John was here this may of never happened. Just then She moved out to the back door and he followed her into the dark alley behind the club. Just as he stepped out into the alley he was greeted with a pistol shoved directly at his head, he raised his hands to show he was unarmed and looked up at Victoria, the moonlight showed the true damage that she gone through, her green eyes now looked dead and sunken, a scar ran down the side of her arm, obviously rather new as it was still red and sore, she was so underweight he could almost see her ribs moving as she breathed in heavily and he could the signs of drug abuse and torture as he watched her shake.

Suddenly there was a noise behind her she glanced over her shoulder paranoid and Anderson took his chance he grabbed her pistol twisting her arm and shoving her to the floor on her knees, she was in to much of a weak state to even fight back, he held the pistol to her head and she just looked up to him her eyes finding his and for the first time in years she cried.

_Present day_

Shepard bit her lip as she was thinking what to do, she owed Anderson everything if it was anyone else asking she would turn them down outright but Anderson, well how can she say no to him? The brass probably knew this and that is why he personally came to get her. She would do this for him, she would make Anderson proud and by doing that her mother would be proud and she could finally maybe live up to her father's name.

'Ill do it' she said firmly.

Anderson sighed with relief before shouting for Jenkins to bring the bag, a few moments later Jenkins handed a brown bag to Anderson and was dismissed

Shepard looked at the bag with some weariness 'what's in the bag?"

'Well I thought you wouldn't want to arrive on the Normandy dressed like that' and he handed over the bag, inside was a brand new set of Alliance blues with the commander bars on. She looked at the uniform; she had not worn on these in years and wondered how it would feel to put it back on again before she could say anything Anderson walked back to the marines leaving her to get dressed in privacy.

Shepard started to wash the grime and blood off her with a water bottle and cloth and brushed her hair and plaited it into a neat bun at the nape of her neck, she then put on the blues, it felt odd, strange and stiff but somehow it was comforting, it felt like the Alliance may be finally seeing her as more than they claimed her to be, maybe she could play the part of the great Commander Shepard and with that she put aside the personal side of Vikki and decided to play the role that Anderson wanted her to, well at least until she bored you never know she might have a lot of fun being all bossy and kick ass!

The woman that stepped out from the other side of the shuttle took Kaidan by total surprise she was the very model of what an Alliance commander should look like, this is how he pictured the Great Commander Shepard, but he knew that first impressions lasted at she made an interesting first impression, he knew that this was just an act and though this is what he wanted to see it pissed him off even more that she could just put on a uniform and expect him to forget what she really was like, but damn she was his XO so both Alenko and Jenkins snapped into the perfect salute and Shepard returned it with just as much perfection, Anderson nodded in approval and Shepard let herself give a small smirk as she straightened her jacket and picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. Yah she could play this game she thought as she walked behind the marines damn poster boy isn't the only one that can make a uniform look good.

They walked in silence to the Mako, once Shepard saw it however she couldn't help but let a huge smile across her face as she ran towards it like a child opening a Christmas present 'Oh my god you have a Mako?' she turned and grinned at Anderson who just smiled back remember what damage she did in the Grizzly so the Mako could be interesting to say the least.

Once they arrived back to the Normandy Anderson requested a formal greeting of the crew for Shepard, she waited around the mess hall for the crew to be gathered, she was nervous to meet them, first impressions are important and she already failed to make a good impression on the trigger happy puppy and poster boy…damn she needed to know there names she cant call them that now she is there XO…..she hated learning names.

As Kaidan gathered the Marine's files he noticed Shepard's file had been added to the pile and he couldn't help himself but to have a look at what it said.

* * *

**PERSONAL DATA**

* * *

**_1: LAST NAME, FIRST NAME, MIDDLE NAME _**

SHEPARD, VICTORIA,ALICE

**_2: DATE OF BIRTH DAY, MONTH, YEAR, BIRTHPLACE_**

11/04/2154 LONDON, ENGLAND, EARTH

**_3: BLOOD TYPE_**

A/B

**_4: MEDICAL HISTORY_**

- BLOCKED-

* * *

**SERVICE DATA**

* * *

**_1: CURRENT RANK_**

LIEUTENANT COMMANDER/ N7

**_2: SERVICE NUMBER_**

5923-AC-2826

**_3: PAY GRADE_**

-BLOCKED-

**_4: DATE INDUCTED DAY, MONTH, YEAR_**

-BLOCKED- -BLOCKED- 2172

**_5: CHARACTER OF SERVICE_**

-BLOCKED-

**_6: CLASS_**

-BLOCKED-

**_7: LAST DUTY ASSIGNMENT_**

-BLOCKED-

**_8: CLEARANCE LEVEL _**

-BLOCKED-

* * *

**DECORATIONS, MEDALS AND COMMENDATIONS**

* * *

SILVER STAR

STAR OF TERRA

LEGION OF MERIT

NAVY SHARPSHOOTER RIBBON

NAVY CROSS

NAVY EXPERT RIFLEMAN MEDAL

NAVY EXPERT PISTOL RIBBON

NAVY SHARPSHOOTER PISTOL RIBBON

NAVY 'E' RIBBON

NAVY MERITORIOS UNIT COMMENDATION

* * *

**DISCIPLINARY ACTIONS**

* * *

-BLOCKED-

* * *

**EDUCATION AND TRAINING**

* * *

-BLOCKED- -BLOCKED- -BLOCKED- ALIIANCE NAVY BASIC TRAINING, SPECIAL FORCES/ N7 –BLOCKED- -BLOCKED- -BLOCKED- -BLOCKED- -BLOCKED- -BLOCKED- -BLOCKED- -BLOCKED- -BLOCKED- -BLOCKED- BLOCKED-

* * *

**FILE NOTES**

* * *

-BLOCKED-

* * *

Well I cant learn much from he thought that apart from she one hell of a decorated solider and obviously her files are very well guarded he expected as much from an N7 so that means she is going to be a stuck up bitch about all her classified files and that there were above his pay grade, another thing to add to the list that is going to annoy him about his XO but he had never seen a file that has been blocked in so many points, his biggest concern was the medical records, surly as the field medic he should be aware if the commander had any medical issues? But then again if there was something import I'm sure he would be told before they went ground side.

The crew filed in and Anderson stood next to her announcing her name, rank and position. She went along the line saluting and listening to the introductions of the nervous crew, She noticed Dr. Karin Chakwas was here and that bought her some relief, they had served together before and though she was one strict ass doctor Shepard liked her nerve and guts she knew how to tell a half mad screaming Marine ready to draw blood to calm down and they always did. She respected that in a woman especially a doctor.

Shepard continued down the line until she reached the members of her ground crew. Anderson had informed her that she will be leading the small ground crew when they went groundside so he introduced Corporal Richard L. Jenkins who still was in amazement that he was serving with THE Shepard and the giddy response was obvious to Shepard, she would have to watch him closely, FNGs can be dangerous but he must be good to be on this ship and she kind of liked his enthusiasm it was infectious, and she loves a bit of excitement in her life, So she smiled at him politely before turning her attention to the other member of the ground team, Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko who would be handling marine details, he stood straight and once again gave her the perfect salute, is there anything he hasn't taken out of the Alliance handbook of how to be the perfect marine? But saluted back and noticed how perfect his uniform was, and wished she had bet a years wages and wondered how he would react under her command, before turning back to Anderson she looked right at him and whispered under her breath in a 'I still prefer poster boy' this made the Lieutenant turn red at the cheeks and she couldn't decide if it was out of embarrassment or fury and so she smiled to herself and walked away.

SHIT Kaidan thought! First impressions where everything and he made a right mess of it! He was mad! Thankfully he had practiced control but this infuriating woman who mocked the very people that will be watching her back got right under his skin so he took a deep breath and thought back to lessons he learned at BAat, lesson 31: NEVER trust a good looking woman, so he would not trust Commander Shepard.

* * *

**A/N** _Please R and R_ it really helps me to hear thoughts and ideas, also I used real commendations and decorations the current Navy use now I could of made some up but I wanted to keep it as real as possible, also I could not be bothered to complete a full service record out but if anyone is interested in one, I could do one, I used my own service record as a basic template but obviously excluding a lot.


	5. Chapter 5 cracks at the seam

**A/N**_ Thanks again to __**Littlelambs**__ and __**tccarty**__ for the support and MAJOR thanks to__** Jules**__, may you keep putting your head in where it is very much needed_

**Disclaimer**_: hmmm if I did own Mass Effect there would be a small alien called Norman in it…but I don't so he isn't in it _

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Cracks at the seam**

Shepard wasn't use to serving on Frigates for a long periods of time, the first thing she needed was to find a safe place to hide to have a smoke, I mean how can they expect her to go cold turkey on a ship like this? She would end up killing someone and she knew who it would be first, the thought of maybe putting the fear of life into her Lieutenant made her smile, maybe his hair might fall out-of-place, she would love to see his reaction to that, I bet he keeps a comb in his armor somewhere…where could he hide a comb?...FUCK! Now she was thinking of his body, why was she thinking of him at all? All she wanted was to find a place to smoke. So she went off pushing all thought of the Lieutenant and his comb away and continued her mission.

As she was wondering the ship she ended up heading toward the cockpit, she remembered she had not been introduced to her pilot yet and maybe now was a good a time as any, but she regretted it as soon as she saw Alenko in the co-pilots seat messing with some sort of console, he stood up and saluted 'ah ma'am I assume you are here to be introduced to the polite? This is Flight Lieutenant Jeff Monroe but everyone calls him…..'

'JOKER!" Shepard interrupted him as she saw the man who turn round in his seat 'what is your cripple ass doing here? I would give you a hug but I don't want to break your back' she said smirking

Joker looked up at her smiling, she looked good better than he saw her last when he picked her up from Torfan

_The year 2178 CE, aboard the SSV Warminster _

Joker sat in the pilot's seat waiting for the shuttle to arrive back from Torfan, he was hearing some nasty radio chatter and Shepard's name had been mentioned, He liked Shepard she was the only crew member on the ship that could take the heat of his humor and hand it right back to him on a platter. The XO Major Heath came up towards him and with barely a whisper told him to set a course for the Sol system, Joker was confused, that was not meant to be the plan he was told after pick up they would await to rendezvous with another Alliance ship.

'Why the sol system sir?' he asked

'Because that's where we need to go! Now do you damn job and get us there ASAP!' and with that the Major stormed off leaving Joker swearing under his breath.

The next day he was due his weekly treatments with the Doc, nothing better than waking up and going to have needles stuck into your legs, but when he arrived at the med bay he noticed someone already in there, this didn't surprise him at first I mean a few of them must have sustained injuries during the fight, as he got closer he noticed it was Shepard. She was sat up, her knees pulled close against her chest and a blanket was wrapped around her and she was shaking and sweating her eyes wide open with tears falling down her cheeks, slightly rocking backwards and forwards. Suddenly she turned her head towards him and that one look she gave him scarred him for life he had never seen anything more terrifying than his friend looking like she might rip open his throat with her bear teeth, her eyes wild with fear, anger and blood lust and it obvious to him that the Great Commander Shepard had cracked.

_Present day_

'Well commander I would give you a hug back but I know what my hugs do to you and I don't think the Captain would be impressed if you spent the rest of the day taking a cold shower' he winked at her and she just wacked the cap off his head laughing before realizing that Alenko was looking at them both with an expression of curiosity and what she could only assume anger in his eyes, there must be some sort of regulation for knocking off a pilots hat or something.

Joker realized the sudden tension in the room and simply nodded to Shepard before she turned her back and resumed her mission on looking for a secret smoking hide away. Joker knew Shepard well enough to realize she had been on this ship for hours now and is looking a tad pissed, so he got out his omni tool and sent her an IM.

J.M: Try the little alcove behind the Mako below the air vent

V.S: You legend!

J.M: yah yah I know just next time don't touch the hat

V.S: That's don't touch the hat COMMANDER to you!

J.M: forgive my insubordination how would you recommend I go about punishment?

V.S: How the hell do I know? Do we have a whipping post? Ask Alenko, seems like he might carry the regulations book

J.M: That sounds Kinky, do I sense a bit of jealousy their COMMANDER?

V.S: I'm to cool for that…..and keep your kinky thoughts to yourself it wont be a turn on when I'm flaying the skin off your back

J.M: yah like you wouldn't enjoy that

Joker smiled to himself as he was reading her replies. Kaidan noticed and it was obvious he was talking to Shepard, and that was just great! The only person he really talks to on this damned ship and he is a buddy with the crazy XO!

Shepard felt relieved as she felt the smoke fill her lungs and she let it out slow savoring the peace and quite, a suddenly she heard a noise and hid the cigarette behind her back and turned around to see Anderson looking at her, arms crossed and a scowl across his face.

'You know you could have just asked me where you can go for a smoke'

Shepard took the cigarette out from behind her back and continued to smoke 'you looked busy I didn't want to disturb you'

'Well that's funny because I have been looking for you'

'Oh yah really? Why?'

' I need you to come to the comm room to meet someone' he looked at her dreading how the next ten minuets would go, he made sure they where well on their way to Eden Prime before he dropped the bomb on her, less chance of her grabbing an escape pod and running for it.

She looked at him with some amusement on her face 'you mean that Turian Spectre you got hidden away up there?' she shrugged her shoulders at the bemused look on his face 'what? Marines talk. You didn't really think they would keep something like that on the down low do you? Even if you ordered them not to'

'Finish that and get your ass to the comm room don't be a damned skivver*'

She mocked saluted him before saying 'aye aye sir'

Shepard slowly walked up to the comm room she didn't know what to expect but she certainly knew it would not be good, so she dragged her feet and attempted to walk as slow as she could, after all she was going to meet a Spectre and therefore really had to be on her best behavior as Anderson would say, so before she went in she smoothed her hair back and checked her uniform. Satisfied that she looked all in order she took a deep breath and entered.

'Ahhhh Commander Shepard its nice to finally meet you, my name is Nihlus Kryik and I am with the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance team ' the large Turian held out his hand in a very human like greeting, Shepard took it wearily and couldn't help but admire the markings on his face they were in Shepard's opinion quite beautiful in a strange and twisted way, though Turians can be seen by many Humans in a bad light thanks to the first contact war she had always found them to be an interesting race, crazy but interesting and she held no animosity towards them for the death of her father after all how many fathers had she killed?

Anderson looked at Shepard for some time before clearing his throat 'well as you are most likely aware, we are not here for a simple shakedown run' Shepard just kept a straight face but inside she was screaming to herself. Anderson continued 'the mission is one of high importance to both the Alliance and the Council, hence why Nihlus is here overseeing, the shakedown is a cover for a pick up on Eden Prime'

'Cargo?' she asked her arms folded, this was not the first time she was asked to do a pick up and was probably the reason she was here, she had experience in this type of mission, go and get dropped off at a location go in unnoticed and leave unnoticed with the cargo intact or alive…or dead was a skill she had mastered very well.

'An object…..a beacon to precise' Nihlus informed her 'it appears that on your beautiful paradise colony of Eden Prime scientists there discovered a Prothean beacon'

'Prothean?...as in hey I have been dead for the past couple of centuries but please feel free to use all the technology we left behind kind of Prothean? Her deadpan tone was a sign she was getting irritated and Anderson coughed to get her attention she looked at him and saw he was shaking his head slightly and she took a few deep breaths before returning her gaze to Nihlus.

Nihlus didn't seem to be bothered by her lack of professionalism he like her just kept a straight face, well what Shepard thought was the equivalent of a straight face.

'Yes…that kind of Prothean, as you aware this is of great importance and that is why we needed the Normandy to make this pick up, with her stealth drive we can go in undetected and leave getting the beacon to safety, being so close to the Terminus system we can not allow this to fall into the wrong hands' he told her this like it wasn't obvious, as soon as she knew the cargo the rest was pretty damn straight forward and basic, she knew the council would do anything to retain the beacons safely.

Anderson shifted his weight onto the other foot he only did that when he was nervous so Shepard knew there was something else he was not telling her

'Ok so what else are you not telling me? Or am I going to have to start to look for my own answers?' she really tried to be polite and professional, it wasn't that she didn't like Nihlus he was straightforward and she liked that, it was the fact that this mission was tied up in such a political shit storm before it even started and politicians where more dangerous than a Krogan, at least you can see them when they come charging at you, a politician you can't see until the knife is in your back and its to late.

'Nihlus has been to sent to observe you' Anderson told her; his face was now looking directly at hers. Shepard had to really bite her tongue at this point to stop her from shouting out some very colorful words she doubted Nihlus translator would pick up.

'I have requested you be submitted for evaluation for the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance team ….I believe you show skills that would be of great advantage, your achievements and talents have been closely watched by us Spectres and we feel that you will make a valuable member to the team.' Nihlus almost smiled as he said this 'I will be joining you on several missions and watching how you work and respond to situations, I will then assess your candidacy….and I must say I am looking forward to working with you, your skills as a sharpshooter will mean I get some company as well as a bit of a challenge to test my own skills against…..I believe we could both benefit from this' Nihlus had been watching Shepard for many years now, he never discriminated talent for there race and this female was proving an excellent example that humanity have people who are ready to join the elite of the Galaxy, It was not just her skills that interested him thought, he had a personal interest in this Female, like him she had suffered, Father dead, forced into the military, misjudged, accused and not one for following the rules like you should, he looked at this woman and saw himself and only hoped he could help her unlock to great potential she held. And he would look forward to becoming her mentor.

What Nihlus had said didn't quite sink into her mind…her a Spectre? She liked the idea of no rules and the freedom…but was she ready for this? How the hell did the brass even allow her to get on the councils radar this way? They hated her and she hated them and now she was in line to being the first Human Spectre! This was beyond crazy ' I will need some to process this, if you will excuse me' she nodded at Nihlus 'and then saluted to Anderson 'Captain, request to be dismissed'

He nodded 'dismissed' and with that she turned as fast as she could and made a run for it!

Jenkins was sitting at the mess when he saw the Commander almost running past him, just then Alenko sat down with a coffee he nodded his head towards where the Commander had been 'what's wrong with her?...and before you attempt to answer that was a rhetorical question' Alenko smiled at the young Corporal who looked like he was about to burst out of his seat with a wild and crazy explanation as to why the Commander seemed in such a rush.

Jenkins sighed before turning back to Alenko and saying 'hey did you hear, Joker has served with her before, they seemed pretty tight'

'Yah…I heard something like that'

'Do you think…..' Jenkins blushed a little 'well you know' he started making a gesture with his fingers that made Kaidan laugh

Jenkins could be such a kid at times but he liked him for it, pure innocence and not tainted by blood or fear 'oh god no…..well I don't think so I mean can you really imagine him or any man in fact handling a woman like that'

Jenkins nodded in agreement 'yah I guess your right, she seems pretty hands on…' he let the intended insinuation hang in the air before both marines burst out laughing for a few moments before they both turned back to their coffees.

'ETA to Eden Prime 4 hours' Jokers voice said, if Kaidan knew then that this would have been the last coffee he had with Jenkins, he would have made sure he spent more time with him talking than sipping the dirt that was supposed to be coffee.

* * *

**A/N** I am unsure if to keep dropping in the odd bit of jack speech with translations below like now. Let me know what you think, it is a very common thing in the navy to use Jack Speak so that's why I maybe thought to add a bit in as I would like to think that they kept up the traditions

* * *

**Navy slang translations aka: Jack Speak**

Skivver* someone who hides from doing work


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N **_Thank you again for the support and a HUGE thanks to my beta reader __**JULES HAWK **__now my mumblings may finally start to make sense!_

**Disclaimer**_: I do not own Mass Effect I just want to name my future dog Garrus!_

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Curse of a Colony**

Shepard had no time to process what she had just been told, no time to think it through, no time to even consider what this could mean to her life, her future**.**Instead she had to push into the back of her mind, there were more pressing issues to be dealt with. The sound of the communications from Eden Prime sent a shiver down Shepard's spine. Were they too late? What had happened? She didn't know but she was as sure as hell going to find out. Without Anderson needing to tell her she stormed off into the shuttle bay to get suited up, not noticing that Jenkins and Alenko followed her.

As she started to slip on the under suit of her amour she looked over at Jenkins who was shaking slightly, not with fear or anticipation but with worry. She remembered reading in his files that he was from Eden Prime and her heart went out to the young Marine. No one should be suiting up to a do combat drop on their own home. 'You ok Jenkins?' She asked as she started to strap into her armour.

He looked up from his own armour that Alenko was helping the trembling man put on, 'yes ma'am…. just want to know what happened I guess.' He thought back to when he was last home before enlisting.

_The year 2178 CE Eden Prime_

Richard Jenkins sat watching the news vid on the heroics of the Alliance. Their attack on Torfan had been major news, he thought it was about time some justice was served to all those slavers that prayed on colonies like this one. What if it had been Eden Prime that was attacked by slavers? Being so close to the Terminus he was surprised that it had not yet been a target. And what would happen if they did come? He couldn't protect his little sister or his Mum. He was the man of the house and but without being able to protect his family what good was he?

A few days later he stood waiting for the shuttle to take him off world, his little sister stood weeping and clinging onto him tightly around his leg, telling him how much she would miss him. He bent down and scooped the little girl into his arms, 'hey now little chipmunk, don't cry ok? Your big brother is going to be one of those great soldiers so he can always come and protect you no matter what.' He looked over to his mother who was crying silent tears.

He would become a great man, a great solider, he looked forward to getting out there to learn to be the best so he would always be able to look after his family. He would prove he was more than a kid.

_Present day_

Shepard hated the idea of taking Jenkins with her, was he in the right frame of mind the to go groundside? Under any other circumstances she would black ball him from coming, but she needed a team and she doubted he would follow orders to stay on the ship anyway, she knew she wouldn't. As she put on her breast plate she noticed the Marines eyeing the blood red N7 stripe and logo on her armour. It was a sign that she was the best of the damn best and even though she may have been forced into Alliance blues she was not forced into N7 armour, this was something she did herself and she was damn proud of it.

Nihlus stepped into the shuttle bay, 'we will divide into two teams, Commander you lead your men and enter the colony from the east, I work better alone so I will take the west side. We will keep in comm contact and rendezvous at the dig site.' Shepard nodded in agreement.

As their boots hit the ground Alenko and Jenkins immediately let Shepard take point as they started to make their way to the dig site. The colony was silent, this was not right it made Shepard uneasy but she didn't let it show, not in front of her men. Jenkins was looking jumpy, no one should have to come home to silence, something was definitely not right here. She tried to comm Nihlus but all she got in return was static.

'Shit there must be a communications block, I can't reach Nihlus.' She turned her head towards Kaidan 'Alenko you're tech right?' He nodded in response, 'do you think you can get me a lockdown on the location of the communications disruptions?'

Kaidan started to work on his omni tool. Just then Jenkins noticed some movement and he took a couple of steps forward before…

No one can describe the silence that follows after you see a comrade die. No one can tell you how time seems to slow but that at the very same time your blood boils, that you want to scream and cry at the same time. That nothing around you seems real, that it is all some sort of messed up dream, that your hearts drops to your stomach and fear mixed with uncontrollable rage fills you. No one tells you this. No one tells you that all these emotions happen together in the blink of eye, before your body reacts to the training given and though those feelings still linger before you know it they are pushed back. In moments like these it shows you who really has the makings of life in the Military and who doesn't, moments like these define who you are. Shepard knew this, Kaidan knew this and so without a second glance at the body of Jenkins they threw themselves behind cover.

The recon drones that had ripped through Jenkins' shields were firing rapidly. and Shepard looked over at Alenko who, without being ordered to, overloaded the shields of one of the drones before firing a round of clips directly into it, causing it to blow up. At the same time, Shepard drew her pistol rolled out of cover distracted the other drone and fired.

'Clear,' Shepard scanned the area for any other activity nearby.

It was over in a matter of seconds and Kaidan slowly walked over to the body of Jenkins. Shepard had a moment of panic, she could not have a half mad, grief struck marine at her back she needed him focused and alert. To her surprise he simply lifted the body and placed it behind a rock before readying his pistol then stood and waited for Shepard.

'He will receive a proper burial,' she told him, hoping it would maybe make things a little easier on him. 'Any luck on the communications?' she asked.

Kaidan was a damn good tech and didn't want to disappoint the commander but even someone like him couldn't trace the signal, it was massive and surrounding the entire colony.

'No. Sorry commander the location is a vast area and I can't pinpoint it because of that.' He kept it simple, when working with a new CO he forced himself to keep the tech babble simple, he learned it was easier that way

Shepard glanced off towards the horizon before taking point and leading the way to the dig site. As they turned the corner they were faced with a single marine holding her ground against a bunch….GETH! What the hell where they doing here? They haven't been seen outside the Veil for centuries. Before she could contemplate this any further they ran over to assist the lone Marine in finishing off a bunch of Geth. Williams was busy pumping the Geth in front of her with so many holes she did not see that the left flank had broken and a Geth was in position to do some nasty damage if he fired. Shepard noticed and without warning to the others she threw him and smashed his body into the rocks. Kaidan looked shocked and turned to face the commander whose body was shimmering a bright blue and then faded.

The commander was a biotic? Hell there had never been any mention of her being a biotic as well. Since joining the Alliance Kaidan had got into an annoying habit of checking if he was serving with any other biotics. He always liked to watch his step so the first time the commander had tied her hair back he glanced to see if the tell-tale scar of a biotic implant was there, but it was not! So how to the hell could she be a biotic?

_Tokyo the year 2172_

Shepard lay in the makeshift med bay, which was no more than a bed and a sink, she glanced around the room nervously, this is what she wanted right? She broke into the medical facility to get her own amp so she could use her biotics correctly. She didn't get nervous going into a fire fight so why was were here palms sweating and she felt sick? It was because this was out of her control, this she trusted someone else to do for her and she did not like it one bit. Just then the door opened and in came Aliya. The Asari was carrying the L3 implant Shepard had stolen and other tools that made her sweat even more.

Aliya came over to her and rested her hand on her head. 'Don't worry about it, I will look after you, however, there are two issues I need to discuss with you before we proceed. One is that the heist on the medical center was not as successful as your particular mission, we only have a mild sedative to help keep the pain away. I would knock you out, but I would be more comfortable if you remained conscious as we do not have the facilities to monitor your life signs. This way I will know you are stable and ok.' She took a deep breath before looking down at the small body of the 17 year old girl that lay before her, 'so it's going to hurt. Are you prepared for that because once I start I can't stop?' Shepard nodded, pain she could handle, well she thought she could.

Aliya started to fill the syringe, 'and secondly, I do not have enough information on human biotics or humans themselves to do this their way. It seems the Alliance and all companies that provide the implants have kept their records extremely tight. I assume it's because you are all fairly new to this. So I am going to do this the Asari way, I believe it will work just fine, but there are risks, but then again there are always risks right?' She smiled and Shepard took a deep breath and lay on her front. She put the pillow into her mouth, it was something she could bite down onto if the pain became unbearable. She took a deep breath and the pain that came was like nothing she had experienced before. The pillow was not enough to stifle the screams that came out of her own mouth as she felt the hot pain shoot through her skull and she really thought that this was it. Damn she was going to die in this shit hole.

_Present day_

'Damn that was smooth! Thanks ma'am! I'm gunnery chief Ashley Williams of the 212.' She may not have known their ranks but one wore the armour of an N7 and that deserved a salute in itself.

'I'm Commander Shepard, this is Lieutenant Alenko of the SSV Normandy we are here for the beacon, what's the Sitrep*?'

Williams looked over to Shepard this was THE Commander Shepard! She expected her to be taller than this. 'My entire squad has been wiped out, Geth dropped in on us, and I'm all that's left ma'am'

Shepard's heart truly went out to this woman, she knew what it was like to lose an entire squad, but now was not the time for sympathy or pity. Now was the time to find out what the hell was going on.

'Williams are you ok to fight?' She nodded in response and Shepard was glad to have someone else at her side, she knew she was good but she didn't think she could take out an entire Geth assault by herself. Damn, where was Nihlus, she needed to get to that beacon. 'Can you get us to the dig site?'

Williams looked shaken but focused. 'Yes ma'am, its right over that ridge, there is housing suitable for cover but it also means it's suitable for the Geth to get the drop on us. We are pretty much in the rattle* ma'am.'

'Damn it! Right, on my six, we check for survivors but priority is to secure the beacon. Understood?'

'Aye, aye, ma'am.'

This was heck of a cursed colony.

* * *

**A/N** _ok so this chapter and the next are not that great I never liked the Eden Prime mission at the start and I struggle with what I don't enjoy. But please R and R it does really help me!_

* * *

**Navy slang translations aka: Jack Speak**

**Sitrep **– Situation report

**In the rattle**- serious trouble


	7. Chapter 7- Co and XO? What was that?

**A/N **so yah the next few chapters may be a little low on the jolly side of things. I have just departed so you know how it is saying goodbye to loved ones ect can dampen your mood. Thanks again for the support, any suggestions or anything would be great and thanks again a million to **JULES HAWK** for being a great beta and having the time to correct my terrible ramblings.

**Disclaimer**_: Mass Effect is not mine I just like to run around the citadel pretending it's from Mass effect._

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**Chapter 7**

**CO and XO…..What was that?**

Nihlus lay there, in his final moments all he could feel was betrayal as the blood seeped from his head. He prayed that his spirit would find Commander Shepard and give her the strength she needed to complete this and then darkness swept over him.

_The year 2163 CE, Digeris_

'Nihlus, it's all about the moment. You hold steady and wait, patience and discipline can give you more than just approval but can also give you the perfect aim.' Saren stood next to Nihlus who was aiming his rifle at a target located in the distance. He waited, held his breath and fired.

This was the first time that Nihlus had really listened to a superior, it was an honor that he was serving under Spectre Saren and he wanted to be as good as him, he wanted to find a place to belong to just liked him. He despised being forced into service but this was something he could achieve with his own free will and have no one to answer to apart from the council, and he liked that idea. When Saren took Nihlus under his wing he believed this hot-blooded young cub had potential and well he warmed to the lad, he reminded him of himself, so eager to prove himself, a thirst for knowledge and a certain disregard for the rules.

'Well done Nihlus, see there are times when discipline of a certain nature can help us to achieve our goals,' Saren picked up his own rifle strapping into his armor before handing a drink over to Nihlus.

Nihlus sat quietly as he drank, yeah he thought I think I finally found a place I belong and its serving right next to Saren until I am honored enough to become his equal.

_Present day_

Saren put down his gun, he did not blink he did not even question that he had shot the very Turian he trained and mentored like a son, this was for the greater good. Something far more important than a bond of friendship. He would understand and as he walks through the plains of death he will see that he has done this for a greater reason and know that his death was a necessity. With that he turned and walked away.

Shepard could not believe her eyes as she watched these deformed human creatures come alive before her, they were not human anymore but still she did not relish the idea of slaughtering them all. In her mind she imagined that any of these could have been the parents of Jenkins and it tore her apart to think that maybe Jenkins was better off dead than knowing what became of his home. It made her damn sick and someone was going to pay for this big time! This was just becoming worse by the second. After only finding a handful of survivors they arrived to see Nihlus' body face down with blood still pouring from the gunshot wound at the back of his head.

'Shit!' Shepard ran over to him turning his body, she knew he was dead as she saw the empty hollow eyes staring back at her. She placed her hand over his face and though she was not religious herself she closed her eyes and hoped he was at peace with his god. Behind her there was a noise and all the Marines drew their weapons before a dockworker put his hands up showing them that he was unarmed.

Kaidan stood listening to the dockworker tell his story of another Turian called Saren who shot Nihlus. This was disturbing; this was pretty damned messed up. He glanced over at Shepard who had taken off her helmet and her face was like a statue, no sign of any emotion,but as she turned to look over to him and Williams she had one betrayal of her emotions and that was her eyes. Kaidan could not explain how he could see that behind the emotionless face. There Behind her eyes held all the emotion she had pushed away and it scared him, they were filled with rage and he wondered what the hell this woman was capable of. She was too unpredictable, too wild and too much of liability in cases like this but she was good. He had never seen someone fight like her, she moved liked a cat, sleek smooth and perfect. Her aim was precise and natural and when she unleashed her biotics it was like being swept away in a storm. Now she had used them he could feel the energy coming off her and it reacted with his own energy, this was a natural occurrence between biotics and was the reason they tended not to put too many together. Two powerful energies merging together was bound to cause some reaction and he felt a tingling sensation run through his body and wondered if she felt the same. No, she was not a cat she was a predator she was a goddamn lion.

The next few minutes put Kaidan's tech skills were to the test, disarming a series of bombs whilst Shepard and Williams provided cover fire for him to work his magic without fear of getting shot. As he disarmed the final bomb Shepard came up behind him.

'Good work Alenko,' he couldn't help but smile to himself, an N7 praised him that was something to be a little happy about even if it was by a crazy one.

As they approached the Beacon it was emitting a strange glow, Williams told them it had been moved and now it was glowing so the chances that this Turian Saren had already used it were looking very high indeed. Shepard hailed the Normandy for pick up and the collection of the bodies, behind her Kaidan was staring at the beacon.

'I can't believe this is real working Prothean technology I mean this is huge!' As he said that his body started to tense and suddenly he couldn't move.

His entire body suddenly felt so heavy and was being dragged towards the beacon then abruptly he felt nothing, he was lying on the ground looking up. He saw Shepard hovering in front of the beacon and he ran to drag her away but Williams pulled him back. It felt like his entire heart had exploded with fear as he watched Shepard collapse, after what seemed like the longest seconds of his life. As the Beacon exploded he ran over to her and threw himself over her unconscious body to shield her from the blast. Kaidan did a once over and when he believed it was safe to move her he picked her up gently and carried her away.

Kaidan sat next to the bed staring at Shepard's face, he noticed so many different things about her as she lay sleeping, the way she had small freckles dusting her small delicate nose, her lips so full and slightly parted. No one could believe looking at this sleeping woman that she could snap your neck in two without breaking a sweat, like this she looked small, frail and human. This shook Kaidan he felt guilty for having been so cold towards her and judgmental. He of all people should know you should never judge a person like that but he couldn't help it, she was so damn reckless. Why the hell did she drag him away from the beacon? He was the one who deserved this, he was the one who set it off not her. And now here she was lying unconscious because he was being damn stupid and she had to play the goddamn hero and rescue him. No, he still hated her, but he respected her and that in his eyes was a hell of a lot more important. He didn't quite understand why he stayed in the med bay, he used the excuse that his field medic training could assist the doc but they both knew she didn't need the help, but he felt…guilt maybe? Failure? A little lost? He didn't know. All he knew was that he lost a comrade and nearly lost the XO at the same time. This was a damn mess.

'Doctor I think she's waking up,' Kaidan shouted over as he watched the woman before him stir and slowly open her eyes.

'How do you feel?' Dr Chakwas asked as she shone a light into Shepard's eyes.

'Like I just ran head first into the backside of Krogan and then drank a shit load of vodka to make the pain go away and then…'

'So like a normal weekend for you then?' Chakwas smiled as she noticed the concern on Alenko's face.

Shepard laid back, her hand covering her eyes

'Yah pretty much apart from I'm missing the fun parts and just getting the morning after.'

Kaidan coughed slightly and Shepard glanced over trying to avoid rolling her eyes as she did so…she was waiting to hear the list of regs he had neatly documented for her to read later. But instead he just looked at her with his brow creased and god damn it his hair was still in perfect place does this guy paint it on or something, she must look like a right gronk* next to poster boy. But when he spoke she didn't see any of that only true concern and worry for her….or maybe his job she hadn't decide how cynical to be yet.

'Commander, are you ok? I wanted to apologize it was my fault that this happened, I must have tripped something or activated it somehow, I don't know but….'

Shepard raised her hand, as much as she would like to see poster boy drool at her feet in apology, she had decided right now she wouldn't be mean and after all he did a damn good job down there considering. 'Alenko…..shut up!' He looked totally stunned at her response and it made Shepard smile to see him so shocked. 'It was not your fault, you did not do anything wrong blah, blah, blah. Look I am pleased with the way you performed down there. Intel screwed us over and going into an unknown situation I could not have asked for more from you. As for the beacon, it could have been set to trigger by anything or anyone so don't panic and go shave or something,' she waved her hand away as she lay back down closing her eyes.

Kaidan stood there totally in shock over what she had just said. That sleeping peaceful woman woke up and as soon as she opened her eyes she began to get right under his skin again and what the hell was that about, go shave? He rubbed his hand over his cheek; he shaved this morning it can't be that bad. But as he was contemplating this Captain Anderson walked into the med bay

'How's my XO?' He asked as he crossed the room. He had wanted to run towards her as soon as she was brought back on board but restrained himself. He promised he would treat her like any other XO on board in front of the crew, but god he was worried sick that she wouldn't wake up.

Shepard looked up at Anderson, she wanted to tell him what happened but would he think she was mad? Just then Anderson dismissed Kaidan and he left the room, Chakwas followed him something about getting coffee.

As Kaidan left the medbay followed by the doc he just so happened to glance behind him and he wished he never did. The med bay blinds were slightly open and he watched Anderson walk over to Shepard, place his hands gently onto either side of her face, her hands, with a softness Kaidan could not imagine from her, reached up and gently placed them onto his own. He then lowered her head and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before embracing her tightly. He could see Andersons lips move as he was talking to her but Kaidan couldn't make it out. All that was going through his head was OH MY GOD! He turned around quickly and walked off, his mind going crazy with what he just witnessed! His captain and his XO are…are they together? I mean that would explain why she was here if she was shagging the captain but he never saw Anderson like that and was appalled that he could be won over by a good pair of legs and pretty eyes. He paced the corridor up and down, does he confront them? Does he report it or ignore it? DAMN IT he thought this is getting seriously messed up.

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******A/N** please r and r it would be great to hear from you guys.

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**Navy slang translations aka: Jack Speak**

Gronk- ugly female


	8. Chapter 8 freedom

**A/N **Thank one again for the support of everyone, it has been a huge help. And once again thanks a million to my beta **JULES HAWK**. I would be lost without you.

**Disclaimer**_: Yes we all know what goes here I do not own mass effect blah blah..let's move on_

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**Chapter 8**

**Freedom**

It would take two days to arrive at the Citadel, two days left before she had to face the wrath of the politicians. And she had a hangover….this was going to be a great day! She went and grabbed some toast from the mess hall for breakfast even as a biotic she could never eat breakfast so early in the morning, it was a bad habit, one that Anderson had noticed and she saw him walking over to her.

'That is a slice of toast,' he said bluntly.

'Well done sir, that would be correct but you missed a major point,' she held up the toast, 'it also has butter on it….well pretend butter anyway.' She smiled as she took a bite.

'Don't be such a smart ass, you need more than toast.' He grabbed a plate and handed it to her, 'I have requested vegetarian replacements for the meat for you so you can have a pretend bacon sandwich or something.'

'It's pretend anyway, the bacon is not bacon it's just processed meat….and you wonder why I am a veggie?' She smiled as she went to walk away but Anderson grabbed her arm.

'Victoria, I am not having you on my ship, under my watch and you not looking after yourself. I didn't see you eat yesterday and now this,' he pointed to the slice of toast. 'You're a biotic you need to eat.'

'And I will, just give me an hour for my stomach to wake up, ok?'

'Fine, maybe you can use that time to speak to the crew a bit. Lieutenant Alenko has put forward a request regarding Gunnery Chief Williams, I suggest you look it over and let me know what you think, ok?'

'What request?' She asked her interest piped up.

'Well if you read your messages you would know.'

'Fine, I'll go read them now sir,' she saluted him and walked away.

Shepard sat and read over the message that Anderson had mentioned. It was a forwarded report regarding Williams and a suggestion for her transfer to the Normandy as a replacement for Jenkins. As she read it she laughed to herself, it was a textbook style of a report, all perfectly done to the Alliance standards and she didn't expect anything less from poster boy. Everything he did seemed to be by the book and she wondered when the hell he had the time to do it. Then again he was awake last night, I guess sleeping after losing a comrade is a hard thing to do. But begrudgingly she agreed with him. Marines like Williams were a dime a dozen but there was something about the girl, she managed to hold her position surrounded by her dead squad. That took guts and she respected that and so she agreed to the suggestion…and then she noticed a post script at the bottom from Anderson…

P.S. I need your own dammed report girl…get it done and silly drawings of guns don't count, and the same goes for resubmitting Alenko's with your name at the bottom….

She laughed at the message. She had tried to do both before, apparently, despite her great artistic talent to recreate a battle scene in drawing (well she thought it was a brilliant drawing), it did not count as a report. As for just putting her name at the bottom, well that one came back to bite in the ass. Nearly the entire report was regarding her bad behavior.

Then another message caught her eye, it was from Admiral Hackett and she knew what this was about.

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TO: Lieutenant Commander V. A. Shepard 5923-AC-2826

FWD: Captain D. E. Anderson 2724-AA-7849

FROM: Admiral S. Hackett 1254-AA-0972

SUBJECT: Sentence meeting.

I request the presence of yourself and Captain Anderson at your earliest convenience to undergo a meeting regarding your sentence in the Alliance. As you are aware your sentence of 10 years plus 1 year of misconduct are reaching the end and you are requested to be submitted before the Alliance before the date of 8.10.2178 for evaluation.

Admiral S. Hackett

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Shit! Normally she would have been counting the days until that date in question when she finally would become a free woman, but the past few days had put a new light onto the subject of her freedom as she liked to call it. Only a few more months left, though I bet after this mess up they will add another year onto that. No matter how hard she tried to fit into the Alliance she could never forget the day she was blackmailed into service…well she saw it that way though Anderson disagreed with her. He said it had saved her.

_The year 2172 CE, Alliance headquarters, Vancouver_

Shepard sat handcuffed to the chair, beaten, starved and exhausted, she was slipping in and out of consciousness when she heard voices outside of her cell.

'And you are sure this is her?'

'Yes sir, like I said I knew this was her as soon as I saw her,' she recognized Anderson's voice, the damn bastard betrayed her, dragged her in to the Alliance of all people. Why didn't he just shoot her?

'Very well, does her mother know?' Shit she thought! She didn't want her mother seeing her like this, it would kill her.

'No sir, I don't think it would be appropriate for Hannah to see her like this.' Thank god, she sighed in relief, at least Anderson had some loyalties left.

'I agree, she has gone through enough no need to add this to her list of worries. The brass have agreed to the deal…' What deal she thought, panicking as she strained to listen to the voices that were drifting father away and she cursed when the world around her went black again.

When she came to, she noticed Anderson was standing next to man who was seated in front of her, he was kind of old and all shiny in his Alliance uniform

He looked down at the data pad in his hands. 'Victoria Alice Shepard you have been found guilty of 23 counts of murder, 45 counts of armed robbery, 78 counts of extortion and 3 counts of kidnapping….and that's what we can prove.'

She started to yell out, how the hell was she found guilty when there was no trial? And most of those murders had been scum anyway. She would have liked to of called it a service to humanity.

'Silence!' The man in front of her didn't raise his voice but his tone made her shut her mouth. 'The sentence is as follows…Life imprisonment in a maximum security prison, no chance of early release or parole.'

This was it she thought, this is the end, she took a deep breath she knew what she had to do. She would rather die than be trapped in a cage again, not after Mindoir not after….she gulped down. No! She would not let them do that, she looked over at Anderson and whispered, 'I'm sorry,' and then she closed her eyes and….

'I wouldn't do that if I was you….not until you hear my proposal.' The man in front had spoken, stopping her from what she was planning, how did he know what she was about to do? Again something in his tone made her stop. He looked up at her, 'then by all means if you would rather bite your own tongue off and die in a horrific and painful mess of your own blood then go ahead, but listen first…..'

She once again looked over to Anderson who stood shaking slightly he almost had to watch the little girl he saw as his own kill herself because of what he had done. He really hoped he was doing the best thing for her right now.

'I'm Admiral Hackett of the Alliance navy, I am aware you already know Anderson,' he spoke with such calm but authority that Shepard couldn't help but sit in silence.

'I am offering you a chance to…shall we say redeem yourself. Instead of life in prison which I am now well aware you would rather die than have to live through that, I am giving you a chance for a life….serve in the Alliance….a minimum of ten years behavior pending….' He just looked at her waiting to see any sort of reaction to what he had said…..she gave nothing away

'Ten years…..? I suppose you will be adding plenty of years onto that when you feel like it?' She was getting frustrated, she was being played with and she did not like it.

'No, your sentence will only be extended if your behavior is unsuitable…. for any actions that would otherwise have you dishonorably discharged a year would be added to your sentence, unless of course you try to escape then you will be taken to prison. However, you will have a life, you will be treated no different to anyone else in the Alliance. You can rise in the ranks, choose special training if you are suitable and maybe one day have your own command if you are interested in that sort of thing. There will be conditions though…'

Yep here it comes thought Shepard, this is where she would go back to resorting to biting off her own tongue….she would not be owned, she would not be put in a cage.

'You cannot marry, have children or own property during you sentence. You will not receive a wage; this is a punishment not a job. However, if you choose to excel and take on extra responsibilities you will then be given a wage for those particular responsibilities, call it an incentive to do good work. Just as much as we will punish you for bad behavior we will reward for excellent behavior. You will also have to undergo an evaluation once a year to discuss your situation.' He rested his hands on the table in front of him in silence.

'That's it….no surveillance? No security tags? No trials?'

'No,' he said simply, 'you will be an Alliance solider.'

'Only an idiot would choose prison,' she spat out.

'Then what would you like me to tell the prison guard that's standing outside?'

She took a moment before saying, 'that I am no idiot.'

_Present day_

She rested her head on her hands and decided now was not the time to be thinking of that and she had best get on with this report before Anderson decided to come and beat her to death.

After two hours of report writing she stood up, stretched and decided it was time for a fag and a fresh cup of coffee.

As she headed towards the Mako she noticed Williams was cleaning her guns and Shepard decided that maybe she should go speak to her.

'Williams….how you settling in?'

This made Ashley jump and she turned around and snapped into a salute.

'Commander, ma'am I am just cleaning the weapons ma'am'

Shepard just laughed, 'calm down Williams and enough with the ma'am already, chill out you're making me all edgy.'

Ashley smiled, she was worried about Shepard, after all everyone knows her father died at Shanxi and it was her grandfather who was in charge of that. She was concerned that Shepard might hold some sort of grudge against her for it.

'Sorry Skipper. Just well you know, behaving.'

'Well no need to go all out on me chief, I'm better off with a little less formality….I just wanted to see how you were, after everything I mean.'

The concern touched Ashley, but then she recalled Shepard had lost her whole squad as well so she probably understood that inside she was breaking apart.

'Doing well…considering,' she looked down for a moment. 'I wanted to thank you, the captain told me both you and the Lieutenant had recommended me to stay aboard the Normandy.'

Damn Shepard thought Anderson worked fast, 'well you held your ground, and showed excellent skill why the hell would I not?'

Ashley made up her mind there and then she liked Shepard….so she took a leap of faith, 'if you don't mind me asking a personal question commander?'

She knew where this was going, and she couldn't blame her. She had just lost her whole squad and here she was standing in front of someone that had gone through the same thing. 'Go ahead chief.'

'How do you, I mean how did you handle it after Acuze?'

Shepard took a moment and reached under her uniform and took off her dog tags, she then took off an extra tag and handed it to Williams.

Ashley looked at the dog tag, it was just a normal tag with no information or service number but etched into it was a list of names in tiny writing. She noticed the last two that looked a little clearer than the rest and were obviously new….Corporal R.L. Jenkins, Spectre N. Krylk.

Shepard let her inspect the tag for a moment before Williams handed it back to her and she put it back onto the chain and around her neck. 'I don't forget them chief, I keep their memories close to me at all times. Everyone I have served with that I have lost is on that tag, there are a lot more names on there than I would like. Forgetting what happened is not healthy instead I try to honor their memory, use it to become a better person, a better solider so I don't have to continue to add more names to it.' This was the only thing Shepard thought made her Alliance, her respect for her fellow soldiers, she did not blame them for choosing the life, they all had a reason to fight just like her and this kept her going.

Ashley felt a stray tear run down her cheek, as she finally accepted that those people were gone but she would keep fighting for them.

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**A/N: **Reviews and ideas are very much welcome. Next chapter a small dose of NICE Shenko!


	9. Chapter 9 Motives

**A/N: **Huge thanks to **JULES HAWK** for the amazing beta and support. And for all the reviews and follows it's great to hear from you. Next chapter I am thinking of putting up the rating due to language to be safe.

**Disclaimer**_: yep yep Mass Effect is not mine, I just run around the ship fighting invisible Reapers._

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**Chapter 9**

**Motives**

It would take another two days to arrive at the Citadel, two days of just waiting around to be told off. Not my ideal time of fun thought Shepard, the fact she wasn't sleeping did not help. She made the excuse that the impending telling off was the problem but she knew it was these dammed things she kept seeing in her head from the Beacon, like a nightmare that she had to revisit every night. The lack of sleep did not help her mood and she found herself more than once sneaking away for a quiet cigarette to clear her head and to stop her from breaking heads open.

It was wide spread knowledge that they had set a course for the Citadel and there was some excitement among the crew, she couldn't blame them. Shepard had never been to the Citadel and was rather looking forward to seeing what fun she could get up to there. She wasn't bothered that it seated the Council and therefore was the center of power in Council space, she just wanted to wander around and get lost in all the weapon shops. She also had an old friend there she wanted to see.

Shepard had spent the day in Anderson's office going over the final report they would send to the Council, after much persuasion he finally got Shepard to agree to include the information of the vision she received through the beacon. Anderson was worried what this would mean for Shepard and it drove him crazy to think of that bastard Saren walking around killing innocent people, Anderson of all people knew what he was capable of, and it was about time the Council listened to him.

_The year 2165, Camala_

Anderson sat there shaking with fury, his heart was pounding so fast he struggled to breathe as he lifted up Kahlee. In the distance the refinery was still crumbling from the explosion and fear spread through him, what if Saren hadn't let me go after Kahlee? She would be burning and dead by now. But then again, if Saren hadn't used her as bait and led the SSV Iwo Jima and her crew to be destroyed they would have never been in this position in the first place.

He was beyond rage and anger at what the Spectre had done and for the first time Anderson wanted to rip apart an ally with own bare hands. But before he could dwell on his anger anymore he felt a soft gentle touch on his lips, a sweet smell and all his fury was taken away by one simple kiss that opened his eyes to a possibility he never thought he could imagine. He opened his eyes and Kahlee was staring directly at him.

'Thank you David.' she whispered.

_Present day_

It was late into the night when Shepard woke up covered in sweat and shaking, she opened her eyes and took deep breaths as she tried to calm herself down. These visions were becoming a problem. She was tempted to see the doc for some sleeping meds but if she made a deal out of the visions she would no doubt ended up in a psych evaluation before she even stepped foot onto the Citadel and she didn't need that right now. So with tired eyes and a headache to rival that of a hangover she got up, slipped on a hoody and sweats and decided to see if Joker was up.

Pausing to grab a coffee before she went up to the cockpit she stood in the mess hall. It was deserted, the only crew up would be the graveyard lot on CIC, so the quiet, peaceful surroundings as she sipped her warm coffee. It made her feel calmer and her headache slowly started to ease off.

Suddenly there a loud crash coming from the med bay, Shepard knew the doc was in bed so who the fuck was in there? She wandered in to the med bay, the lights were off and another crash caused her to turn on the light. As she did there was a yell and she saw Alenko curled up on the floor, his hands covering his face, all around him were boxes and trays.

'Lights…turn them off,' he croaked and Shepard turned them off without question, now only a glow from the mess hall gave a calm and low light that came in through the blinds.

'Alenko you ok? Shall I get the doc?' Shepard walked over to him, slowly he lowered his hands from his head as he went to reach over for a small medical box that was on the floor.

'No, I just need my meds,' he said in barely a whisper.

His hands were shaking as he reached to grab the box and slowly he withdrew a vial and needle, still shaking he tried to push the needle into the vial but failed every time. He was shaking so much Shepard wondered how the hell he was even managing to hold onto them.

Damn it he thought, why the hell is she standing there can't she leave him the fuck alone. He couldn't focus on the tiny vial in his hands, his vision blurred and every time he tried to concentrate his head started to pound, he became light headed, hot and dizzy, he had to force himself not to throw up over the med bay floor. Just as he was about to chuck the dammed vial across the room he felt a soft hand reach out and grab his. He looked up and Shepard was knelt down in front of him, she took the vial and the needle off him and started drawing out that life saving pain relief.

'Commander, you don't…' he murmured, he had never felt so embarrassed before.

'Sure I don't have to but I know how hard it is to inject yourself when you're shaking, you don't want to be missing the vein right?' Her eyebrow raised slightly as she gently took his arm and with the expertise of a doctor she located the and injected the medication.

He sighed in relief as the drugs rushed through him, he didn't like to use them but damn he needed them right now. The use of his implant, the death of Jenkins, Shepard. That was more than enough to give him one of his extreme headaches. Resting his head against the cool wall he once again felt those soft hands reach for his, he watched as Shepard gently took his hands turning them over so his palms were facing upwards. The feel of her skin against his rushed through his entire body faster than any drug. They were not the hands of a warrior, all rough and worn, they were the hands of a woman, soft, gentle and soothing.

Though it was just the briefest touch it felt like an eternity of longing and emptiness had been filled, but then again he was probably high on medication and blamed that for the way her hands made him feel, anything felt good right now compared to his headache.

Just as he thought she was about to withdraw her hands she placed a thumb on each of his wrists, he looked down, they seemed so tiny against his own wrist. Her thumbs began to let out a small blue glow and as they did Kaidan felt a rush of euphoria flood through his body, it was like nothing he had felt before. He felt like his entire body was tingling with a pleasurable relief, that every sense was heightened. Then it was over. Over too soon.

'What did you do?' He gasped, looking up at Shepard who had now stood up and was moving to pick up the things scattered on the floor.

'An old trick.' She didn't look at him, instead she was concentrating on cleaning up the mess.

'I'll do that.' He tried to stand up but before he could he felt a firm hand on his shoulder pushing him back down again.

'No, sit.' It wasn't an order but he followed it anyway.

'What kind of trick?' His curiosity was getting the better of him and maybe the drugs made him a little bolder, or was it that now she had stopped that emptiness had come back, one that he never knew he had.

She was still neatly putting away the boxes, not even seeming to pay him attention but she answered anyway. 'An Asari prostitute taught me it…..' she let her own words hang deciding on how much to tell him.

'Asari Prostitute?' What on earth would an Asari prostitute be teaching her that for?

'Yeah, it's a tension relief trick she used on clients. The pressure points on your wrists are a key point on a body, its sensitive, I just released some of my own biotic energy into the pressure point relieving tension. It's a nifty trick. Of course she also used it on other sensitive parts of the body as well,' she turned around raising her eyebrow.

Kaidan blushed at the idea of how it would feel if that trick was used on other parts of his body that were sensitive.

'It can also be used for pain, too much release and it can cripple your nervous system for a period of time. It was a handy way she used to subdue clients if they got out of hand….Can you stand?'

The question threw him for a moment before he nodded as he slid up the wall gently and slowly, he stumbled slightly and again felt those hands supporting his back and guiding him towards the bed.

'Lie down, I'll go get the Doc for you.'

'No,' he interrupted, 'I'm fine now, just need a bit of rest.' She nodded as she handed him a cold glass of water.'Thank you,' again she just nodded.

'Are you a field medic as well?' He asked, he was curious because not many marines could, with the ease of a doctor, administer drugs that well, it was normally a game of find the vein. And it was surprising how many marines cringed at the idea of pushing a needle into someone's skin.

'No,' she said simply.

It's just that…well, I've never seen someone who wasn't trained handle meds like that.'

'I have had a lot of practice.'

'You had your fair share of ill squad mates then?' He felt a little awkward and still very embarrassed. He didn't want her to think him weak because of his headaches but it didn't seem to bother her so he assumed she may have dealt with it before.

'No,' again she simply answered, not elaborating on her answers just straight forward. 'Take this,' she handed him over a pill. 'Mild sedative to get you to sleep.'

He took the pill without question, you didn't argue with a superior. 'Why have you had practice then? Or did you just go round injecting pain relief for fun?' His tone had a bitter sound to it, he knew that but he was angry that she had seen him like this. And her gentle actions towards him couldn't be concern, she didn't seem the type so it was probably pity and that pissed him off.

'No I have never injected anyone else before.'

He wanted to ask what she meant but he felt his eyes grow heavy and before he could ask anything else sleep overtook him.

Shepard sighed as she watched him fall into a deep sleep, she lied about it being mild but damn he looked like he could use a dreamless sleep, she knew how that felt. She wanted to get the doc but knew there would be no point now. So she drew up a chair and sat next to the bed. She wasn't going to be sleeping tonight so might as well make herself useful and keep an eye on him. He did the same for her after Eden Prime it was only fair she returned the favor. She settled herself down, and opened up her omni tool and began to read.

Kaidan wearily opened his eyes as he heard someone walking around.

'Ah Lieutenant, good to have you back. Appears you had a bad turn last night?' He looked up and saw Chakwas standing over him with a data pad in hand. 'Seems like Shepard took care of it though.'

His thoughts flashed back to a dark room and soft hands and that feeling…..it started to come back to him and then all that went through his mind was SHIT!

'Next time Alenko come to me before it gets bad again. Understood?' She gave him the stern doctor look. Before turning her attention back to the data pad. 'We will be arriving at the Citadel in a couple of hours, go get something to eat and don't over strain yourself for a bit ok?'

No one disobeyed what the doc said, especially Chakwas. It was an unwritten rule; you do what she says, otherwise you will find yourself mysteriously in the med bay without remembering how you got there in the first place.

'Yes ma'am,' he said as he swung his legs off the bed. It was then he noticed the chair next to his bed and a blanket draped over it. He looked at it for a moment before he caught Chakwas eye and she smiled.

'Shepard sat up with you during the night,' it was a simple comment but it shook Kaidan up. Why would she do that? As he left the med bay he couldn't help but keep questioning why the commander did that, just then he nearly went crashing into the very woman he was thinking about.

'Oh shit sorry commander…I mean shit sorry,' he didn't know what came over him, swearing like that in front of the commander, she just made him jump and it came out and then something happened….she laughed.

'Oh God Alenko, you made me jump, sorry I had my head in these dammed reports I didn't see where I was going,' he didn't want to admit he hadn't been watching where he was going because he was questioning her motives over last night.

Shepard felt a bit foolish for nearly running over the Lieutenant. He was blushing slightly, and she noticed the stubble that ran across his cheek, the way his hair was messed up his shirt was slightly undone revealing the gleam of dog tags and bare skin beneath. For a split second she stared and let her mind wonder what he could really look like if she left him in the med bay for a bit longer…she shook her head and told herself to behave. Hormones really play tricks on your mind and she was only human, 4 months and no sex. She was bound to be thinking of how she could abuse her power as commander, to the only male around her age on board this small ship.

'How you feeling Lieutenant?' Harmless question she thought as she played it safe.

'I'm fine ma'am…..thank you…and I'm sorry I am not normally…'

She would love to stand here all day and hear him stumble over words and apologies but they were nearing the Citadel and she had work to do. 'It's fine lieutenant, just glad you're with us for the debriefing on the Citadel.'

Then it clicked…..that's what she was worried about, not him but making sure he was ready to report. She was worried about the job not him, how could he of have been so stupid to even question her motive. 'Yes ma'am I'll be ready, I'll just erm go get cleaned up.' He saluted and walked off to hit the showers.

Shepard walked off to Anderson's office but that annoying little hormonal voice in the back of her head couldn't help but think the lieutenant was far better off being dirty than clean….god she was desperate.

* * *

A/N: A small mention regarding spelling. I am using British/Australian spelling. I am British for starters. So for the USA lot it may be spelt a bit different. Anyway please R and R. As this is my first attempted of 'niceness' between my Shenko.


	10. Chapter 10 Final goodbyes

**A/N **Changing the rating now, to M just to be safe. Thanks for the support from all you guys, It's a boost to hear from you. And again thanks to **JULES HAWK **for keeping me refreshed and sorting out all those terrible mistakes I make.

**Disclaimer**_: So I not own Mass Effect characters, places or planets, there would be a planet full of little Aliens wearing togas if I did._

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Final goodbyes and unwelcome hellos**

'ETA to the Citadel two hours and 30 minutes.' Joker's voice came across the ship wide intercom. Not long now thought Shepard, but there was something she had to do first that was more important than any report or meeting, and she made her way to the mess hall.

Once Kaidan heard the ETA he decided to go down the shuttle bay to check his gear. As he walked to his locker he took a moment to glance over at Jenkins' empty locker, grief washed over him thinking of the young marine. He smiled remembering his reaction to meeting Shepard and she was right, he was a trigger-happy puppy and remembered that Jenkins saw that as a compliment.

_4 days ago, The Normandy_

'She called me a puppy…..' Jenkins eyes lit up as he said it.

'A puppy?….How is that….I mean why is that a good thing?'

Kaidan was still pissed off at the commander for her unorthodox entrance to the Normandy crew.

'A puppy is man's best friend.'

'That's a dog.' Kaidan corrected him.

'Well a puppy grows into a dog, and all girls love puppies they have those cute eyes and fluffy ears.'

'So you're saying you have cute eyes and fluffy ears? Or do you just want to think that the commander finds you cute?' Kaidan couldn't help but laugh at Jenkins logic in the insult she had given him.

'Well no, it's just maybe she thinks I could be loyal like a dog.'

This was too much for Kaidan and he just burst out laughing.

_Present day_

He smiled to himself; only Jenkins could turn an insult into the best complement he had ever received. It was then he took up the courage to glance over at the two coffins that lay not far away in the cargo hold, one draped with an Alliance flag where he knew the body of Jenkins would be, the other was Nihlus. He noticed that Gunnery Chief Williams was standing next to the two coffins her eyes closed and lips moving in silence. If Kaidan could take a guess at what she was doing he would say she was praying. The idea was nice, someone who had never known them was sparing the time to pray for them.

Ashley suddenly noticed that the Lieutenant was looking at her and she hastily withdrew from the coffins making her way to the gun station. She felt that they deserved a prayer, neither one may have shared her beliefs but she wanted to thank them both for coming to her aid. After all it was because of Jenkins' death she was able to come and serve on the Normandy. She felt guilty but knew that this was how the world worked, no matter what their beliefs she prayed that they had found peace. Even though she particularly didn't like aliens, Turians for certain, in death we were all the same it was only when they were living and walking around she had issues with them.

Ashley never made a big deal about her religion. It wasn't that she was ashamed it was just that it tended to make people nervous around her, especially in today's society where space travel and Aliens were just part of daily life, but she held strong to her beliefs. They could take away anything they wanted but she still had that. Just as she went to take a glance over to see if the Lieutenant was still there another voice rang over the ship wide com.

'Can all crew please report to the mess hall ….and that means you as well Joker the ship can be an auto pilot for 5.'

Kaidan stopped what he was doing as he listened to Shepard's voice over the com, what did she want? Is it a ship wide debriefing maybe? It didn't take long for his questions to be answered as he walked into the mess hall, he noticed that nearly every mug and glass the ship had was out on the mess table and then he noticed the empty bottle of rum on the side.

'Get a drink,' Shepard leaned against the side as she watched the crew all take one of the mugs. No one questioned what she was doing, no one asked her why the hell she had a bottle of rum on board and no one spoke a word. When Shepard was happy everyone had a drink she cleared her throat….she hated having to speak in front of the crew but this was something she needed to do.

'I am not going to stand here giving you sentimental stories or messages about the two people that lie below us. You all have your own memories. But I will say no matter what happens from here on, those two died protecting our colony. It is hard losing an ally, a friend, a comrade but remember them…..They will never truly be dead if we remember them.'

She paused a moment not daring to look at the faces but instead staring into her own mug, the smell of the rum was inviting and she took one more deep breath. 'Today is Sunday…well back on earth. I believe this a fitting day for the tradition of a toast,' she raised her mug and every crew member around her followed suit and in unison they said. 'Absent friends,*' and drank.

As they arrived at the Citadel, Shepard sat staring out of the window and couldn't help but be in awe at the size of the thing. It was like giant planet in itself, with the arms opened it reminded her of a flower. Even though it contained the people who were going to skin her alive for blowing up a beacon, letting one of their top men die, a small part of her was excited to see the place.

As they docked Shepard, Anderson, Alenko and Williams stood in the airlock and as soon as it opened they were greeted by a small group of people. Udina was standing at the front, his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

'Anderson, Shepard. My office now.' He spat the words out but before Anderson could say anything Shepard took a step forward.

'You can wait, we have something more important to do.' She brushed him off, damn she hated this man.

'And what is more important than this? You made a god damn mess of things and I expect you to do what I say when I say so I can try to clean this up.' His voice crawled up Shepard's skin and she already felt like she needed to take another shower, just then she felt Anderson's hand grab her arm but it was too late she was already walking over to Udina.

'Now listen here you damn Buffer* get the fuck out of the way before I have to drape an Alliance flag over your coffin.' She pushed him aside and let the Alliance and Council officials who had been standing by to retrieve the coffins through.

Udina stood there bright red with rage and started yelling his head off but Shepard didn't hear him as she watched her fellow crew line up outside the Normandy, ready to see their comrades off one last time.

For once Kaidan agreed with everything the commander had just said, though he would have never said it himself. He just stood there watching her take deep breaths to calm her down and noticed that Anderson had placed a hand on her arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. She looked up and smiled, a smile full of honesty and love for that man, and for a moment Kaidan was jealous, what does it take for a smile like that to come from the great Commander Shepard? He looked down slightly embarrassed, that was a second time he caught them showing signs of unprofessional affection. And still he hadn't decided what the fuck to do about it. But this was not the time to dwell on such things.

As he saw the Alliance and Council officials emerge from the Normandy he snapped into a salute, as did the rest of the crew as they watched the coffins being taken away. It was a sight that could bring anyone to a stand still, a line of fellow crew members standing in salute as they watched their comrade being taken away, this was more than a funeral march this was a goodbye, this was what it meant to be a solider.

Shepard waited until the coffins had been taken away before she turned towards Udina.

'Now we can go to your office ambassador…Alenko, Williams, with me NOW!' The raising of her voice caused Williams to jump, the commander was pissed off, that was not a good start to the day.

Udina stood behind his desk, his arms once again folded and still red faced as he looked at the four marines who stood in front of him. 'You decided to bring the whole crew along Anderson?' His voice snide and blunt, Shepard hated the way he spoke to Anderson.

'Just the ones present at Eden Prime,' he corrected him.

'I read the report I don't need everyone here filling me in on all these little stories and excuses Anderson.'

'Well if you read the goddamn report then why the FUCK are you pissed off at us? You…..' Shepard was losing her control, she was just so angry at this pathetic excuse of a man that she couldn't help herself. Her blood was boiling, her heart racing and she gritted her teeth so hard she heard them crunching.

'DO YOU WANT AN EXTRA YEAR COMMANDER?' Udina was now yelling, if he got any redder Shepard thought he would give himself 2nd degree burns. The threat however just made her more furious and she found herself face to face with him, eyes blazing with fury and a strong desire to put a bullet into his head.

Udina scowled and lowered his voice to a growl, 'I will make sure you get punished for this commander….maybe even have a guard waiting for you.'

Before Shepard could say anything Anderson stepped in.

'Udina. Stop. This is irrelevant we have more pressing issues to deal with.' Anderson looked over to Shepard, 'Shepard.' His voice was filled with warning and she looked over towards him before retreating next to him.

Ashley and Kaidan both stood there like they were not even in the room and both couldn't understand what the hell was going on, but it didn't sound good.

Udina continued to glare and his attention turned to Anderson, 'you'd best keep your girl in line Anderson, it doesn't matter who you are to her you can only protect her for so long.'

Williams didn't understand what was going on but that comment made Kaidan draw a sharp intake of breath, Udina knows about them? Does this mean they all know and they allow this? Maybe reporting it would do him no good if they already knew about Anderson and Shepard, none of this made sense but his attention was drawn back to Udina when he heard him speak.

'The Council is waiting for you…don't screw this up,' and with that they left the office and headed towards the council chambers.

Shepard lagged behind, she was dreading what was going to happen next Anderson and Udina went up ahead talking in hushed voices.

'Don't you think we should hurry commander?' Kaidan looked worried as he looked at Shepard who was idly staring into a shop window filled with fish in tanks.

'I like fish,' she said simply, 'tanks should be bigger though.' She watched the colourful creatures swim about, the lines on her face from anger and worry seemed to vanish. Kaidan didn't get her. One minute she was charging around swearing and asking for a fight the next she was calm and to be quite honest a little child like. She sighed before slowly starting to walk again. Kaidan looked over to Ashley and she just shrugged.

As they exited the lift to the Council chambers they noticed two Turian C-Sec officers standing and arguing.

'If you will just give me a little extra time.'

'No Garrus, you had the time and now this investigation is closed, that is my final word on the matter. It's in the hands of the Council now.' The Turian turned and left leaving the other C-Sec officer standing there cursing under his breath. He turned and saw the three humans walking towards him, he didn't need to be introduced only one human was due to meet the Council right now.

'Commander Shepard?' He held out his hand in greeting just as Nihlus did on their first greeting and it shook Shepard a little remembering Nihlus so suddenly, but she took his hand in return. 'I'm Garrus Vakarian the officer in charge of the investigation into Saren,' his tone was blunt and official but Shepard could not help notice that twinge hidden behind it of annoyance and anger.

'I'm afraid to say I came up empty on my findings,' he sighed a little,'Saren's a Spectre everything I look into is classified.' His eyes suddenly held a dark and dangerous gleam in them, 'but I know he is up to something.'

Shepard smiled she knew what he was doing, trying to put up an official image of professionalism, but she knew too well when someone was just acting like they are meant to. She started to walk, but just as she went to pass him she whispered. 'Shame we just can't leave him tied to a tree surrounded by VERY hungry Pyjacks.'

'During mating season,' he added chuckling, 'good luck Commander, maybe the council will listen to you.' And with that he walked away.

Shepard started to walk again before she stopped suddenly causing Kaidan and Ashley to bump into her.

'Skipper?' Ashley looked at Shepard who was staring at something, she tried to follow her gaze but couldn't place what it was she was staring at.

'Sakura.' Shepard's eyes were wide open a slight smile spread across her face.

'Excuse me commander?' Alenko couldn't figure out what the hell she was on about.

Shepard turned round her eyes lit up with joy as she pointed to a tree. 'Sakura,' she said simply again, 'It looks like a Sakura tree, a cherry tree in Japan…..' she turned and looked up at the tree again.

'A tree ma'am?' Ashley asked, she was slightly freaked out by the turn of the commanders mood. Even though she had only spent a little amount of time with her it was obvious she had an ever changing personality.

'Yes a tree Williams,' she sighed.

Kaidan looked at the tree, he had to admit it was beautiful, but what the commander found in it was beyond him. She didn't seem like the type to marvel over a natural beauty, but then again was this tree natural? Probably not.

Shepard looked up at the staircase; she took one more deep breath glanced up at the tree one more time before she started to climb the stairs awaiting her judgment.….

* * *

**A/N**: Ok I'm going to have a TINY rant…. apologies. But it ALWAYS annoyed me they never made more of a deal over the death of Jenkins and Nihlus, even just a small cut scene would have done it. Loosing a shipmate is a major situation, no matter how long you serve with them. And no matter what the situation, you bring them home! Ok rant over. Moving on now. Please R and R like I said it's a nice boost.

* * *

**Navy slang translations aka: Jack Speak**

**Absent Friends**- not jack speak, but the reason everyone knew what to say is that each day a specific toast can be made. Its old Naval tradition and I would like to think after hundreds of years they still did it. Sunday is the toast to absent friends.

**Buffer- **Big ugly fat fucker easily replaced.


	11. Chapter 11 Assets

**A/N **Thanks to continued support of **tccarty, littlelambs** and **Bluetoes** and all others who have read and reviewed. And once again **JULES HAWK** you are my savior…..Time for Shepard to get a little bit bad ass and angry.

…

**Chapter 11**

**Assets**

Anderson stood waiting at the top of the stairs, 'come on Shepard they have already started.' Shepard mumbled to herself and all Kaidan could hear was, 'fucker,' and 'god damn,' among the words.

As they reached the top, there stood the three Council members of Citadel space. Next to them a holo projection of Saren….Shepard cursed under her breath, she didn't realize that the bastard would be attending this meeting.

'There is no evidence to say that Saren had any involvement in the Geth attack on Eden Prime,'

Councillor Tevos stood with her hands behind her back.

Saren stared at Shepard, she saw those holographic eyes bore into her own as she stared right back at him. They both knew the truth, they both knew they were dancing around politics and they both knew one of them was going to hunt down and kill the other, the question was who? Their silent conversation was broken when Saren spoke up to the Council.

'I resent these accusations Nihlus was a friend and a fellow Spectre.'

Shepard scoffed at the comment and he returned to staring at her before Anderson spoke up.

'That just let you catch him off guard,' Anderson was firm and stood there slightly shaking with anger as he faced the Turian who nearly destroyed his life.

'Ahhh Captain Anderson,' Saren's voice was snide and filled with hatred, 'you always seem to be around when humanity makes false accusations again me don't you? Can't handle the truth? Decided to make me the enemy? Well I can tell you this Anderson, STOP interfering, you had your chance and proved humanity was not ready.'

This was too much for Shepard to stand by and listen to, he can stand there accusing her of lying but not Anderson, no one speaks about him like that.

'Listen here you slimy shit bag. This has nothing to do with Anderson this is all about you being nothing but a lying murderous traitor. I swear I will find you and I will not rest until your head is on spike!' Shepard spat the words out like poison. Around her there was a sudden uproar of shouts. No one spoke like that in front of the Council. But she didn't give a shit.

'You let the beacon get destroyed Commander and now you shift the blame onto me to cover your own failures, you are nothing but a criminal and a liar. This is exactly what we can expect from a human,' he almost smiled as he said this, he knew how to play this game and he was playing it well. 'You're not ready to be on the Council, you are not even ready to be a Spectre, this is the second time Humanity has proved that.' Saren snarled at Shepard.

Udina decided now was the time to open his mouth. 'That is none of his concern, it is not his choice.' Shepard could tell that this was not going how he expected and now was worried this whole thing would blow up in his face, ruining his perfect little plans. Shepard didn't care much about being a Spectre, all she cared about was getting Saren. If they let her go and do that they can keep their Spectres, she wanted nothing to do with them if this was how it was going to be.

'This is not the purpose of this meeting,' Councillor Tevos spoke up, trying to get everyone back onto the correct track before things got out of hand.

'This meeting has no purpose, they are wasting your time and mine, it is pathetic.' Saren cut in, he was growing inpatient.

'What about the visions from the beacon?' Anderson asked. He was getting desperate; Saren was pulling up things from the past and using it against them.

Ashley and Kaidan looked at each other, neither one of them had heard anything mentioned about a vision before now.

'Are we using dreams as evidence now? How can anyone prove themselves against a dream?' Saren looked over to the Councillors who nodded in agreement.

'I agree, our judgment must be based on hard evidence; all you have to offer is a traumatized dockworker and a vision. This is just reckless speculations.' Councillor Sparatus turned and shook his head Councillor Valern did the same.

'We have found no evidence or connection between Saren and the Geth.' Councillor Tevos turned to Udina. 'Ambassador your petition to have Saren removed from the Spectres has been denied.'

Shepard looked over to Saren who had such an arrogant and smug look on his face, as his holo vanished, she wanted nothing more than to rip his head off. Shepard walked away her head hung low, biting her tongue and breathing deeply.

Back in Udina's office Kaidan and Ashley were made to wait outside, once Shepard shut the door she slumped down into a chair and lit up a cigarette.

'You can't do that…' Udina glared at her,

'Try and stop me.' Her challenge was not answered as she inhaled deeply and watched the smoke dance around in front of her.

Udina sat behind his desk looking at Anderson and Shepard. 'It was a mistake to take the both of you into that meeting, your dammed history with Saren Anderson makes us look like we have different motives, and you Shepard well your history altogether is one hell of a mistake.'

Shepard decided she wasn't going to waste her breath on that little shit. She stayed silent, words were no longer able to form she was so angry.

Anderson looked over to her, silent Shepard was a dangerous Shepard and he was worried what she might do next.

Shepard got up and turned to leave the office.

'Shepard where are you going?' Udina scowled at her.

Shepard just walked out, stopping and turning round she barked out to the two marines who stood waiting patiently.

'Alenko, Williams come on I need a drink and a plan.'

Shepard didn't say anything as she just walked off followed by Kaidan and Ashley. They ended up in the dingiest section of the lower wards and headed to the scummiest of looking places, Chora's Den.

As they stepped inside Ashley let out a low whistle, 'wow you come half way across the galaxy and still find girls shaking their ass for money.'

Shepard looked round and smiled, 'well a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do and if she has been blessed with such….' She gestured over to a nearby Asari who was dancing on a table, 'assets then…' she just shrugged her shoulders and turned round to see Alenko staring wide eyes at the place he found himself in. 'Alenko shut your mouth you look like a dumb ass standing there gawking.' Shepard laughed followed by Ashley as they watched Kaidan turn red with embarrassment.

'I wasn't….it's not my type of scenery,' he said shrugging, 'think the food is good?'

'I don't see many people eating so I would say….no, trust a biotic to think about food before the women.' Shepard said as she scanned the room for a place to sit.

'A man's gotta get his priorities straight skipper.'

'Oh yeah and what is that?' Shepard asked Ashley as they made their way towards a small table in the corner.

'Food, sex, sleep and food again ma'am.'

'I would add food in there a couple more times if we are talking about a Biotic chief.'

'Maybe food and sex at the same time?'

'I think you just hit every biotic man's dream there.'

'I'll have to remember that ma'am.'

Shepard and Ashley sat down laughing and Kaidan was beyond embarrassed at this point, but it was nice to see Shepard's mood had lightened since the meeting; he couldn't keep up with her mood swings.

Shepard headed off to the bar leaving Alenko and Williams at the table before returning with three beers. She handed them out and Ashley took it without question however Kaidan looked up at her, 'Commander aren't we meant to be on duty?'

Ashley nudged Kaidan in the ribs. 'Oh lighten up LT I think after that bull rush a drink is the least of your problems.'

Shepard grinned as she watched Alenko start to get very uncomfortable with the conversation so she decided to play nice and get back on topic. 'Well, to be honest I think after I stormed out of Undia's office I can say we are not officially doing anything so a beer won't hurt…. which leads me up to my next point. Like I said we are not officially doing anything right now, however, unofficially I'm going to be thinking of a way to get some evidence the Council can't ignore on Saren. I'm not letting that bastard walk away. Saying that, I understand this leaves you in a difficult position so I am giving you a choice, stay and do things a little bit differently than by the book, or return to the Normandy. I won't hold it against you if you decide to go back.' Shepard waited for the response from the two Marines in front of her as she sipped her beer. She probably already knew what was going to happen Williams would stay and Alenko would leave.

'No offense ma'am but it's because of him I watched everyone die, if that means I got to get my hands a little dirty then that's what I'll do.' Ashley took another sip of her beer as she remained firmly in her seat.

'Thank you chief…..Alenko? Like I said, no problems if you want to go back I won't say anything bad about you in the reports if you're worried.' Shepard looked over to him and watched as he was nursed his beer. He sat in silence for a while before taking a sip of his beer and sitting back in his chair.

'Garrus,' he said simply. 'That C-Sec officer we met, may be a good idea to find him?' Ashley smiled and Shepard couldn't help but feel a little shocked at what he was saying, does this mean he was sticking around?

'Great minds think alike Lieutenant, you gonna come along for the ride then?' She asked eyeing him up with curiosity, normally she was a good judge of character but Alenko surprised her. He just nodded before returning to his beer.

'Right then,' Shepard looked around the bar, 'we find Garrus, agreed?'

'This is your ride skipper we are just here for the refreshments,' Ashley smiled.

As they finished up their beers they still had no idea how they were going to find Garrus, and walking up to C-Sec headquarters and asking was out of the question. She didn't want to draw attention to herself, but staying in this dump was not helping so they got up to leave. As they passed a group of tables someone shouted out to them.

'Hey the redhead, come over here.' Shepard turned round to see a human sat in the corner of a table, obviously drunk.

'What,' she snapped back.

'Ohh you're a bit feisty, I like that in a woman, how much?'

Before Kaidan could say anything she turned to him and motioned for him to be silent. And she slowly walked up the man in the corner.

Kaidan and Ashley both stood there like idiots, wondering what the hell the commander was up to.

'Well that all depends on what you want?' She smiled at the drunk who was leering all over her, it made her sick, but she did not fail to notice that he was wearing a C-Sec uniform and couldn't help but smile to herself that this may be her lucky day.

'I can offer you anything and everything,' she leaned over and whispered into his ear as she slid her hand discreetly up his leg.

Kaidan and Ashley could not believe what they were seeing, Kaidan was struggling not to throw this sleaze ball half way across the room breaking his spine in two, she must have a reason for doing this right? Seriously, this was just wrong!

Harkin couldn't believe his luck. He was too busy staring at the way her shirt was stretched across her breasts to notice the Alliance Commander bars at her shoulders, too busy staring at her ass to notice the pistol at her hip, too busy to even think as he was taken into the dark alley behind Chora's Den to see the two Alliance Marines following closely behind in the shadows. He was too excited as she pushed him against the wall and ran her hands down his chest to even see it coming, before it was too late.

'WHAT THE FUCK!' He yelled out as he was slammed into the ground, his head smashing against the floor before he felt hands grab him by the throat and slam him back against the wall.

'Now it's your turn, you are going to give me everything I want.' Shepard smiled as she saw the disbelief spread across his face, and then he noticed the Alliance bars, the pistol and the two Marines who now stood behind her with their own weapons drawn and pointing at him.

'What do you want to know?' He said in a panic, 'I haven't done anything wrong,' he was spluttering out his words as he found it harder to breath.

'Name,' she said.

'Harkin, I'm an officer in C-Sec….you're gonna be in the shit when they find out about this.'

'Don't care, you're a scumbag and a lowlife I think I would be doing them a favour if I put a bullet in your head,' she shrugged. 'Do you know Garrus?'

'What?' he asked, what the hell was this about?

'Garrus! A Turian C-Sec officer,' she was losing patience and time with this fool.

'Yeah I know him, trying to clean up the streets and do some good, he is a jackass,' he spat but regretted it when Shepard tightened her grip around his neck.

'Where is he?' Her tone was now getting more and more impatient.

'How the hell would I know?' Harkin choked out.

'Wrong answer.' And Shepard slammed his head against the wall again, causing him to yell out and blood to seep down his face. 'Where is he?'

'Medical Centre, lower wards, something about looking out for a doctor there…..that's all I know I swear.'

And that was all that Shepard needed, she let go of him and he fell to the floor holding his head and rubbing his neck.

'Come on we're leaving,' Shepard turned around but before she left she threw a medi gel pack at Harkin. 'Get yourself cleaned up you prick,' and she left.

'I need a shower now,' Shepard rubbed her arms.

'That was fucking awesome skipper, how did you know he knew where Garrus was?' Ashley was in awe over what she had just seen. It was totally against all the regs but it worked and it was damn impressive how she even got him into that alley without noticing what was going on.

'The uniform he had on, I noticed it was C-Sec, as soon as I saw him, and a low life drunk like that trying to pay for sex, he was bound to know something right?'

'Your right about one thing ma'am.' Ashley said smiling

'Oh yeah what's that?'

'If you got the assets use them,' she said laughing and Shepard couldn't help but laugh with her.

'Well sometimes chief, a girls has gotta do what she gotta do.'

'You sound like you speak from experience skipper,' Ashley smiled at the thought of Shepard using her not so womanly charms on a man only to put a round into his head.

'First rule of SERE* training chief, use what you have. Failure is not an option and death doesn't count as an excuse.' Shepard grinned.

'Holy shit ma'am! I have never met anyone who has come out of SERE training with their sanity in check, let alone pass it.' Ashley was impressed, every marine knew the horror stories of that training, and supposed cover up's from the death toll in training and the brutal beatings of physical and mental torture.

'You have now…..I could never beat Anderson's time on the final testing, damn that pissed me off.'

Kaidan just stood there, what the fuck had he gotten himself into.

**A/N:** Yep my Shepard went a tad Renegade in this, but who wouldn't after all that? She is only human so at times I will let her go a bit bad ass. Please R and R it does help a lot.

**Navy slang translations aka: Jack Speak**

**SERE**- acronym for Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape


	12. Chapter 12 Jealousy

**A/N**: Firstly, thank you once again to the best beta **JULES HAWK**. And to all those who R & R your comments are very much welcomed and make me smile.

Secondly on a personal note I would like to apologize for 1: the chapter being a bit over due and 2: how bad this one is. For those who are not aware I am currently deployed on acting duty. So there will be times when I may lag behind if things get a bit crazy like this week has been, please just stick with it. But saying that I have been placed on light duty for a few days due to injury so if I'm feeling up to it you may get another chapter fairly soon…anyway enough excuses lets get on with it…..

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**Chapter 12**

**Jealousy**

As they headed towards the medical centre Shepard stopped at a balcony that overlooked the Citadel. 'Got to admit, it's rather impressive.'

'It's big,' Kaidan stood staring at the view, behind him Ashley sniggered.

'Wow Alenko you have a way words, is that your professional opinion?'

'He is right Chief; I mean look at the size of it! You could easily get lost in this place.'

'Makes you think doesn't it?' Kaidan leaned against the railing.

'Didn't think the Alliance paid you to think Alenko? Might start thinking of the wrong things.' Shepard smiled as she watched Alenko turn red at the comment, he was so easy to wind up she couldn't help herself.

Kaidan couldn't work her out, she was borderline insulting him, but in a way that made him embarrassed rather than angry, how was that even possible? Did she relish in teasing people? Maybe staying around was not a good idea. 'I just mean ma'am, that it makes sense. Humans haven't been around that long…so many species live here, we just came along, it's no wonder they hold some caution towards us.'

That was possibly the longest thing she ever heard Alenko say. 'Well I guess you're right, still, don't we have everything they want?'

'What do you mean ma'am?'

'Well we have amazing oceans, mountains, even the trees in the council chambers looked like trees from earth. We have everything the old vids say we do, emotion, dreams, ambition….you get the idea.'

'Well no wonder they are jealous of you…I mean us.'

Shepard raised her eyebrow at the comment….was he jealous of her? What the hell was there to be jealous about?

Kaidan could have slapped his own face for being so stupid, why did he even say that? He didn't dare look at Shepard, instead he kept his eyes down looking at the view.

'Come on….let's find Garrus.' She wouldn't let him distract her, she had a job to do.

Ashley stood there smiling to herself, she hadn't been on the ship long but it was obvious the Commander and Lieutenant had issues. She started to wonder how long it would take for Shepard to punch him if he got out of line, but then again it's amazing what hate can cover up.

As they approached the medical centre Shepard held up her hand gesturing them to stop, she placed an ear against the door and could hear voices inside. She took point on the door pulling out her pistol before opening it.

'WHO ARE YOU?' The merc grabbed a doctor, holding her at gunpoint. Shepard went to shoot but before she could even lock onto her target Garrus leaped out of cover and put a bullet in-between the man's eyes. Blood sprayed out as Shepard placed two well aimed bullets into the heads of the other mercs. Ashley and Kaidan had hardly enough time to even react before Shepard had finished off the job. She was good.

Garrus ran over to the Doctor who was shaking and cowering behind her desk, giving her a once over he stood up.

'Glad you could join the party Shepard, gave me a perfect shot of that Bastard.' He gestured to the man who had held the doctor hostage.

'Nice shot,' she smiled.

'Well we all can get lucky sometimes right?...Dr Michel, it's safe to come out now.'

The doctor stood up still shaking slightly, she thanked them for their help and explained they were mercs sent by Fist, the owner of Chora's Den. She had helped a wounded Quarian who had information regarding Saren and was selling it to the Shadowbroker, Fist was meant to help her.

'Well I don't think this Fist fellow is going to play nice, is he?' Shepard crossed her arms looking over to Garrus.

'Fist is a thug, a lowlife. We need to get that Info before he does.' Garrus could not let this slip by; he was so close and was not going to give up now. It was in his blood, a Turian does not know defeat until he passing the plains of death to join his ancestors and Garrus had no plan to make that trip soon. But until then he wouldn't give up. He may not be the perfect example of a Turian but Saren was a whole lot worse.

'Shepard there is a Krogan in C-Sec that is after Fist, we could go see what he knows…maybe a way to get to him? I know this is your show but I want to see that Bastard strung up just as much as you Shepard.'

Shepard looked over the Turian, his rifle close at hand, anger burning in his eyes. She could use him. She knew that look only too well and she would not pass up a chance to work with someone who seemed to share her passion for getting Saren.

'All right, you can come. But you take orders from me, is that clear?'

Garrus had no issues with taking orders from someone like Shepard, he'd heard the stories of her. The good and the bad. She knew what she was doing and if it meant getting Saren he would act like the good obeying Turian he was supposed to be. 'That's fine…We need to get the Dr to safety first, Fist could send more men.'

Shepard didn't want to waste any more time, but she couldn't leave this woman alone like this. 'One of us will escort her to Anderson.'

'I'll do that ma'am,' Ashley jumped at the chance. She did not like the idea of fighting alongside a strange Turian that didn't even hesitate to kill…..it made her uneasy.

'Eager chief?...Fine take her to Anderson, give him a report. When we get this info he will need to be prepping to present it to the Council.'

'Aye, Aye, ma'am.'

'Oh and Chief…Only speak to Anderson, I don't want Udina sending half of C-Sec after me dragging me back.'

Ashley grinned, 'you got it skipper.'

'Would your own Ambassador do that?' Garrus asked.

'Oh you have no idea…..that would be the kindest thing he would do to me if he had his way.' Shepard grinned and Kaidan couldn't help but agree with her, they didn't seem to get along at all.

It wasn't hard to miss the Krogan Garrus had mentioned, he was causing quite a scene in C-Sec. Garrus was chuckling to himself as he saw one of the officers get thrown to one side by the massive Krogan. 'When will they learn?'

'You can't stop me!' The Krogan was pushing aside all the officers and Shepard headed towards him. 'Get out of the way female.' Shepard stood her ground, arms crossed staring directly at the Krogan.

Garrus leaned over towards Kaidan. 'Doesn't she know it's bad to get in a staring contest with a Krogan?'

'I am guessing she doesn't really care.' Kaidan was beginning to realize that the normal rules didn't apply to Shepard, she just makes up her own as she goes along.

'You after Fist?' Shepard was still refusing to move despite the angry glare of the Krogan.

'Yes. So I suggest you get out of my way female before I crush you.' He went to shove her out the way but was stopped when she walked directly up to him and stared him down.

'Let's get some things straight shall we? Firstly, don't address me by FEMALE! I have a name and you best learn to use it, or I shall be making a deposit of your organs that make you a MALE. Secondly I need Fist. You want him? Let me talk to him first. And finally…..don't ever threaten me again, I don't take to nicely to threats.'

Kaidan pulled his pistol out ready, but to his surprise the Krogan just laughed.

'Ah I like you human, It appears you take after our females…..we don't like to anger those either. Urdnot Wrex.'

Shepard grinned, 'Nice to meet you Wrex, I'm Shepard.'

'I have heard the name Shepard, you have been born into a great clan.' He nodded his approval.

'Well then Wrex, shall we go tend to Fist?'

'I thought you would never ask.' The massive Krogan grinned wildly as he took out his shotgun. 'This is going to be fun.'

As Shepard stared down at the body of Fist lying at her feet she glanced over her shoulder and saw Wrex grinning widely with his shotgun in his hand. He had shot Fist as soon as he gave Shepard what she needed.

'I told you Shepard, I was after Fist.'

She sighed, rubbing her forehead, she was now glad that she had asked Alenko to stand guard at the door, this was something he most likely would not approve of. She shoved his body to the side and turned to look at Wrex and Garrus.

'Right, we need that Quarian….NOW!'

She was so close, so close to finding something on the bastard and she was not letting it slip by her.

As she left the room she suddenly heard gunshots, without thinking she ran to Alenko who was pinned down, surrounded by more of Fist's men. She crouched low next to him.

'Commander…..' He looked over to her and saw a small smile creep on her face.

'We need to get out of here now…' She started to emit the blue glow that came from her biotics before she unleashed a living hell on those in front of her. She showed no fear over the power she controlled; she never held back she just did what she needed to do.

There was no question about it….Kaidan was jealous.

_The year 2171 CE Diadem Peak, Aleberta, Canada_

Snow started appearing covering the parts of the rocky trail that led to the summit, he knew he must be getting high up now. Kaidan took a moment to sit down and catch his breath. He was hungry….again. This was becoming a problem. He spent the last year wandering around the more remote places of Canada, getting work where he could, normally fixing things for locals. He never stayed in one place long though for fear of people finding out about his condition, as his father liked to refer to it.

Humans were still so wary around those with biotics. He was scared to use them, scared he could lose control and kill or hurt someone he loved. It had happened more than once now and he would not let it happen again. That is why he found himself on the mountains, trying to find remote desolate places where he could calm his mind and try to gain some form of control over his biotics. There was no one around he could hurt this time. He would learn to understand them before he would use them.

That was one thing they never taught at BaAt, what were biotics? How did they work? Kaidan had a technical mind and to know how to use something he liked to know how it worked, it was the same with everything else so why not the same for biotics? He sat there staring at the clouds, he was high enough that it almost looked like he could reach out and touch them. He had made his mind up there and then he would not risk using his biotic's until he had complete understanding and control over himself.

_Present day_

It was a rush to get the Quarian in time but Shepard was determined. They could have put a gunship in her way and she still would have found a way to get to that Quarian.

She was not quite sure what she expected, but then again Shepard had not known that many Quarians, and it was clear by Alenko's expression he was impressed with her droid….or maybe he was just impressed with her? Shepard shook her head before giving the Quarian her full attention.

'My name is Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, I came here on my pilgrimage….It hasn't turned out so well….' She lowered her head in shame but Shepard disagreed with her.

'You have managed to get hold of solid evidence against a criminal…that sounds like something that went well.'

Shepard couldn't believe it when Tali had played the recording. Saren's voice had rang out clear discussing the attack on Eden prime as his own. Inside she was screaming with joy, but she only hoped that this was enough for the Council or she may as well just start firing her pistol without looking….what a shame if she accidently happened to put a bullet in a Councillor.

'Tali….can you come with us please? I want you to present the evidence. After all it was you who found it.'

This shook Tali up, she would never have expected that the little bit of information she had would grant her an audience with the Council. To say she was nervous was an understatement.

So Shepard led the way, as she did she smiled to herself wondering what people would be thinking as she strolled through the presidium with a Krogan, Turian, Quarian and a Marine.

Kaidan dragged behind slightly, he couldn't believe that Shepard was going to let the Quarian present the evidence, he would have thought she would have done it herself, and get the glory in the process. That's what most CO's would do. Maybe Shepard did have a softer side…..she was nice to the Quarian, hell even to Garrus and Wrex in a playful rough mean way. She joked around with Ash…and all she did to him was tease him, annoy him and piss him off…he had never been a jealous type of man but right now he felt it.

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**A/N**: Please R & R they are like little bundles of joy And apologies once again next chapter WILL be better and off cannon!


	13. Chapter 13 SSV Bulwark's freedom

**A/N: **Ok time to go off the main story line for a few chapters now. And I am so happy for more Hackett (I love that dude) Thanks for all the comments and support and to my awesome beta **JULES HAWK.**

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**Chapter 13**

**SSV Bulwark's Freedom**

Shepard left the council room…..she was shaking, she couldn't breathe, she felt like she was going to throw up. She didn't even wait for anyone to talk to her she just ran as fast as she could out of that room, she kept running until she found herself next to the Presidium lake. There was no one around…..maybe she wasn't allowed by this part of the lake but she didn't care, she needed to be alone to process what had happened. She sat down staring at the water…it didn't move….there was no breeze to make the water come alive, no movement in its depths. The thought made her sad; water should not be so still. She lit up a cigarette and started to pick apart what had just happened to her.

It began so well, they had listened to the evidence and branded Saren as a traitor, a rouge Spectre and he must be stopped. But they couldn't send out an army? They were not going to risk the chance of war? It was bullshit. Udina had shouted, exclaiming that it was because they were Humans that they would not help. And then it happened, a way to keep both Udina and the Council happy…..they offered a Spectre position to her! Obviously she was aware that this was what Nihlus had been on the Normandy for, but she expected the process to be a long one of evaluations, training and god knows what else. But no! They decided to drop the big S bomb on her right now, she was not expecting that! 5 hours….the ceremony was in 5 hours, not enough time to escape, not enough time to get drunk and forget, not even enough time to comprehend what this would mean for her? Her future? Was she now forced into service for the Council for so many years? What about when her sentence was up in the Alliance? What about the Alliance? What about Anderson?….Her mum?….A million questions kept jamming her brain and she felt a headache start to creep up on her.

She didn't know how long she just sat there. She was just glad that she had not been dragged away from her peaceful spot by the lake. Suddenly her Omni Tool went off…here we go she thought as she checked to see who demanded her presence.

* * *

TO: Lieutenant Commander V. A. Shepard 5923-AC-2826

FWD: Captain D. E. Anderson 2724-AA-7849

FROM: Admiral S. Hackett 1254-AA-0972

SUBJECT: URGENT

I will be docked at bay E-8 by 18:23. Requesting your immediate presence on board the SSV Bulwark* by 19:00 to attend a meeting with myself.

Admiral S. Hackett

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Bloody hell thought Shepard, it isn't every day you are summoned to the Flagship of the Alliance for a meeting with the Admiral…but then again it's not every day that a Human is made a Spectre. She checked the time….he would arrive in half an hour. She glanced down at her uniform, it wasn't dress, but at least she wasn't in amour….it would have to do she could not be bothered to go change. Instead she neatened up her hair, trying to get it to look as official as she could and brushed down her trousers.

'Well, lets go see what the old man wants with me,' she said as she wandered up to the nearest transit.

Shepard stood at the docking bay staring up at the SSV Bulwark….it's size was incredible! It made the Normandy look like a child in size, but she knew it did not have the speed or the stealth of the Normandy, this was like a small station instead of a ship! She brushed down her trousers one more time, checking her shirt was tucked in before she walked up to the gangway to the Bulwark.

'You're on time Shepard,' Anderson stood on the gangway waiting for her, she expected him to start ranting over her disappearing act but she knew he would understand eventually. Next to him were Alenko and Williams…. were they summoned as well?

'Well I didn't want Hackett to have an excuse to keelhaul* me on that thing!' She gestured to the Bulwark, 'even I couldn't survive that!'

Anderson chuckled. He was concerned when Shepard had run out of the Council chambers and he had followed her. He was still better than Shepard so when she had sat herself down and it was obvious she was calm, he had left her to her thoughts. He just wanted to make sure she didn't anything stupid. He only hoped that this meeting would go as well as he wanted it to.

Shepard walked past Alenko and Williams, giving them a small nod of acknowledgment before she stood next to Anderson waiting for clearance to enter.

The size of the thing was even more apparent inside, Shepard had served on big ships before but even this took her by surprise.

Anderson turned onto Alenko and Williams. 'Williams, I want you to go down to the Gunny, Speak to the Chief there. He should have some gear for us I want you to check out.'

'Aye, Aye, Captain,' she saluted and turned; before she walked away she stopped and turned back around looking a little sheepish. 'Errr Sir? How do I get to the Gunny?'

'Numbers,' he said pointing to a series of numbers stencilled on the bulkhead.'They will give you directions, first number is the deck level, second number is the frame, the third compartment position in relation to the centerline and the last tells you what the space is used for…..so you will be needing 6-69-2-7.'

Shepard shook her head looking at the poor bemused marine that stood in front of her. 'Basically chief if you want to go from port to starboard it's not a straight line, it normally involves going up a few decks down again maybe a bit of climbing and a bit of spinning around.' Shepard stopped talking when Anderson just looked at her frowning before turning his attention back onto the marines.

'Alenko, you go with Williams. It's the same as the SSV Ardent just bigger'

The Ardent…..the name sent her stomach into a knot, had Alenko served on The Ardent? She didn't notice them leaving, all she could think about was trying to think back to when she scanned over their service records…did she even look at what ships they had served on. No she skipped that part. DAMN IT why do I never learn she thought. Well no wonder he didn't like her if he served on the Ardent, there was no way she could live up to the kind, strong, perfect XO he'd had there, she was not like her mother…she could not live up to her standards.

'Come on Shepard.' Anderson touched her on the shoulder and she shook off any thoughts she had about the Ardent and followed Anderson.

She sat there fidgeting, waiting for Hackett, she had too much on her mind and all her worries, fears and apprehension just kept piling on. She needed to get off this station and get back to doing what she did best.

'Calm down,' Anderson noticed she had been rubbing her fingers, a habit she'd had since she was a small girl. Whenever she was anxious, scared or nervous she would rub them so much they bled. He grasped her hands to stop her, she looked up, her eyes pleading with his, 'this is nothing bad, you're ok. So stop worrying little Tiger.'

She grinned up at him her eyes sparkling; he hadn't called her that in years! The affectionate support made her calm down, she trusted this man more than anything so if he said she would be ok, she would be ok.

Just then Hackett entered the room, they both stood to salute but he dismissed them and told them sit. He had not changed much since he had sat before her offering her a new life. Now he sat before her ready to change it again.

'Shepard, first of all let me say congratulations; it's such a fantastic step for humanity to have a human within the Spectres. I am so proud of what you have achieved through these years. You have risen above all expectation and it truly is something you should be proud of as well.'

Hackett smiled, it was a genuine smile. He had watched Shepard closely. He was her Father's CO and he felt some duty to watch over her, she had Anderson but he could keep an eye on her from afar and help when he could. So, when he got the call about her becoming a Spectre he used this to help her once again.

'Thank you sir, I won't lie about not being nervous. I hope I can continue to make you proud.' She liked Hackett, he was always honest with her, upfront, he smiled and made her feel a little less lost in this world of uniforms and formality.

'Right let's get the official tedious part out of the way to do with your sentencing whilst you're here shall we?'

She nodded, She was not expecting this, she thought the meeting would be about something else, she had a fair few months until she was due for her sentence evaluation.

Hackett picked up the data pad and read aloud, 'Victoria Alice Shepard,' he skimmed over a section, 'yes date of birth, rank etc blah, blah, blah….ok here we go. Sentence of 10 year's service to the Alliance Navy, termination of sentence 14/11/2182. One year misconduct due to the physical abuse of a superior, Rear Admiral Mikhaliovich.'

Shepard chuckled at this, a year had been so worth it to punch that bastard. Ok, she had been drunk, but still she didn't regret that. She noticed Hackett looking at her, a slight smile curled at the corner of his mouth. She knew he didn't like the Rear Admiral though he would never admit it. He continued.

'Termination sentence now 14/11/2183.' Only a few more months thought Shepard…just a few more.

'Upon evaluation of this current year's service it was decided by the Alliance courts that an extra year be placed upon your sentence.'

"WHAT! YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME?' Shepard had leaped out of her chair. She knew they would never just let her go. She felt empty, lost, trapped. How long would this last?

'VICTORIA! Sit down.' Anderson grabbed her arm and pushed her back into her seat, she turned towards him.

'How could you, you said I was ok?' She felt betrayed; yes it was only a year, that was not the issue here though. For her it was the betrayal.

'Shepard I have not finished yet.' Hackett looked her right in the eyes, 'The request was made by an official who shall remain unnamed.'

Shepard ground her teeth, she would find out who it was and make them pay for it!

'However…. situations have changed somewhat. The Council will not swear a sentenced criminal into their service.'

Shepard couldn't speak, her mouth was dry, what was going to happen to her, did this mean she couldn't be a Spectre?

'I have been asked to present you with this…' He stood up motioning Shepard to do the same. Handing her an official, singular document datapad.

'Lieutenant Commander Victoria Alice Shepard it is in the interest of Humanity that you serve in the Spectres. This feat of achievement cannot be matched and for this reason you are hereby, from this moment hence, released from your sentence in the Alliance Navy.' Shepard stood staring at Hackett, the words had not sunk in.

'Shepard,' Hackett smiled at her, 'you are a free woman.'

She couldn't restrain herself, she flung her arms around Hackett who was taken aback but laughed at her reaction. She then turned around and flung herself onto Anderson laughing and smiling.

'I told you, you would be ok little Tiger,' he said smiling.

She turned back to Hackett.

'Thank you so much sir, you don't know how much this means to me.' She knew this had something to do with Hackett, he was always there just when she needed him.

'Well I think its long overdue Shepard, now before you go and get sworn into the Spectres and no doubt go out and celebrate as you deserve, we need to discuss a few more things.'

Shepard sat down once again; today was full of surprises, in the space of a day her entire life had been turned upside down.

'Now I have to ask this…are you considering leaving?'

The question shook Shepard up a bit…..yes of course she had considered it, but then what? She would be a Spectre, but did she really want her support to be a bunch of politicians who she didn't know, or if they had her back or not. At least in the Alliance she knew people she could trust. Would they abandon her as soon as she walked out of the door? Now the option was laid out in front of her, the thought of handing in her dog tags scared her. She spent the last years wishing to be free, but now she was she didn't want to leave her captors? How fucked up is that she thought! She wasn't one of those victims that loved her tormentor, she just felt like she had finally found a place where she belonged and didn't realize it until it was about to be taken away from her. She took a deep breath and spoke.

'Sir, I would ask that before even considering this, I must complete my mission. Saren is more important. I will not abandon you or the Alliance when I am needed and I can make a difference…..Plus,' she grinned slightly, 'if a certain Rear Admiral or Ambassador decided to exact revenge I can pull out the Spectre card right?'

Hackett laughed, 'I hope it does not come to that, but you don't know how much of a relief it is to hear you say you will stay. I never saw you as a prisoner Shepard you were one of my own, I hope you can see that now. With that in mind I am going to set up an intelligence support unit back here on the Citadel for you to use if you need to. They will act as a Liaison between the Alliance and Council. They will be your main contact point. I will inform you of their names when I receive confirmation and they will be people I trust. And now there is one last thing to do….we have to organize for you to have your own ship and crew. A Spectre needs to be able to have that freedom and it would be a privilege for that ship to be Alliance, is that ok?'

'Sir…you are doing too much, you just gave me my freedom, now a ship?'

He just smiled, 'and you Shepard have given Humanity a Spectre, I think that's a fair trade don't you? I will remain here until after the ceremony and I will discuss with Anderson on arranging the details for you. So you are now released as the XO from the SSV Normandy and you will take command of your own ship.'

Shepard left the Bulwark still in a state of shock, everything had changed and it had all happened so fast. She took a deep breath, it tasted like freedom, she entered the Bulwark a prisoner and left a free woman. She saluted the ship before heading back to the Normandy to pack up her things.

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A/N: Please R&R I do read and take in all what you say. Next chapter a bit more SHENKO (at last)

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Navy Information/ Jackspeak

* **Bulwark**- The HMS Bulwark is the current Flagship of the Royal Navy I thought it only fitting that I give Hackett's Ship the same name.

***Keelhaul **– Old form of brutal punishment in the Navy, the sailor would be dragged under the boat. The bigger the boat the less chance of survival.


	14. Chapter 14 Gongs & Spectres

**A/N: **Major thanks to **JULES HAWK** for beta reading this mess of a chapter, could not do this without your help, and to all those who are supporting and reading. Now a bit more of a hint of Shenko goodness (they will be nice each other soon)

* * *

**Chapter 14**

**Gongs and Spectres**

Kaidan made himself a coffee; he slung his dress jacket onto the mess hall table, no need to put that on yet he thought. The Normandy was empty, even Joker had left the ship; everyone was celebrating the upcoming ceremony. Of course the crew of the Normandy had been asked to attend so that was why he was having to put on his dress blues. As he sat there, sipping his coffee in the quiet surroundings he suddenly heard a noise, then a voice.

'Oh for Fucks sake! Do they want to put any more GODDAMN buttons on this thing?'

As he turned round he saw Shepard, the first thing he noticed was her legs. Damn it he thought, she made the Alliance dress skirt look hot! How was that even possible? He never got the image out of his head from the first time he met her, the way her legs looked in those shorts, and the flash of her bare legs in the skirt made that image creep back into his mind. But he had to remind himself the only reason they looked so good was because they were made to kill. And he cursed himself for having moments of weakness like this. He suddenly noticed the foot locker by her feet. It was then he finally took in the whole image in front of him. Dressed to perfection in the very formal female dress blues, a rarity among females, to be required to wear the skirt instead of the trousers. He stood up and saluted, if there was any time to do it, now would be it!

OK, she thought, this was the last person I wanted to see, oh Mr poster boy you can fling on dress uniform and make it look perfect. Shepard suddenly felt very self-conscious of her appearance, which was a first for her. Why should she be?

'Lieutenant please,' she waved his salute off. 'And don't worry, you won't have to put up with me much longer.' She went over and grabbed herself a coffee, nerves were starting to creep in.

'Commander?' What did she mean, he didn't have to put up with her much longer? Was he getting new orders? His heart suddenly dropped a little,not really knowing why. Was it because of her? No! He thought it was leaving this ship, he had grown close to the crew for the first time. He was happy with the ship and wanted to continue serving on her. 'If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean?'

She sighed slightly, looking over the rim of her cup she looked directly into those deep, kind, soft eyes, 'I'm leaving Lieutenant, I am no longer your XO….Navigator Pressley is. Just came back to pack,' she nodded towards the footlocker.

She was leaving? Well what did he expect she was being made a goddamn Spectre! Like she needed him…them anymore. He didn't know what to say to her, he just looked at her, the way her eyes bore into his own, the curve of her lips, the cute nose. The way she bit her lip when she was thinking. He was trying to remember every detail of her. This would probably be the last time he ever got to sit with the great Commander Shepard and first Human Spectre. Moments like this are things you remember forever, but there was more to it than that. He just wanted to remember her as a human as a woman not an idol.

'Problem lieutenant?' She raised her eyebrow.

Shit, he thought, he had been staring to long, think of an excuse….quickly, he was panicking but then he saw it. 'Your medals, ma'am?'

'What about them?'

'You don't have them on? It's just the formality of this…'

Oh what a bastard! Shepard looked right at him. Trust bloody poster boy to notice, picking up faults on her uniform, correcting her mistakes. OH NO! What a tragedy if I don't have my medals on she thought. 'Damn gongs* won't stay on straight, I don't normally wear them.' She didn't want to totally admit she did try but she couldn't get them to stay on. But he was right, she would have to wear them or Anderson would throw a hissy at her.

She grabbed the medal box out of her footlocker throwing it on the table. Kaidan was a little taken aback by her attitude to her medals; they were something to be proud of. She had already pinned the ribbons on and it was amazing to see so many on such a young person, with the medals added to them she would look like the best of the Alliance.

She flung opened the box and grabbed the first one, mumbling to herself as she tried to put it on correctly, the situation was only made worse when she pricked herself. 'Oh for fucks sake! You would have thought they would have found a new, easy way to put these damn things on!' She flung it back in the box.

'There is a trick to it ma'am,' Kaidan didn't want to offer to help her, she may take offense and he did not want to be on the wrong side of one her tempers.

'Really Lieutenant? You know everyone has told me about this trick but no one seems to know what it is, it's just a little trick,' she rolled her eyes in annoyance.

He picked up the medal and only then did he notice what it was, The Star of Terra….he had only ever seen pictures of this and now here it was, the highest honour the Alliance has and she had just thrown it into the box like it was nothing. He may not like how she does things, but she was a hero, and he would not allow his XO, well ex XO to be presented without showing how great she already was. So he stood up, medal in hand and walked over to her.

'You should wear them Shepard, remind them of who you are, what you can do and shove it in their faces that you are here and you will do whatever it takes to save us, and stop people like Saren. Show them you are the better person. Remind those families who lost people on Eden Prime that you are good enough to take this bastard down!' He braced himself for the bollocking she was no doubt about to give him for speaking out of line, but he didn't care.

His words were filled with emotion and honesty; she didn't quite believe what she was hearing. She had never thought him to be like that! What he said made her want to stand on top of the world yelling that she was here, she was free she could do it! He made her feel like she could take on the galaxy.

He had his hand held out with the Star of Terra, she reached out and as their hands touched she felt the warm tingle of his biotic, she withdrew her hand. 'Can you….please?' She didn't want to say she needed help, she didn't look him in the eye. She felt his hand brush her chest as he gently pinned the first of the medals on.

His hands were shaking, she didn't look at him. He was thankful for that. He tried so hard not to touch anywhere near her breast or stab her with the pins, so he took his time carefully placing each one in position. Her breathing was heavy. He could feel it in his own chest, his heart raced. He had never been this close to her before. He could smell her hair, her skin. She smelt like a meadow after a storm, fresh, natural, wild and beautiful.

It was then he felt the tingling of his biotics as he took deep breaths of his own to control them, natural interference from her own he kept telling himself as he placed the final medal. His hand lingered there a moment longer than it should and when he started to drop it he felt the softness of her own hand on his.

'Thank you,' it was barley a whisper and before he even had time to reply she had turned her back and started to walk away.

Kaidan watched her leave, leave for the last time.

Shepard didn't turn back, she didn't even glance over shoulder as she left the Normandy, she couldn't bring herself to say goodbye to the ship and the people. Even though she had only spent a little amount of time on it she had grown to love it. She glanced down at her medals they were all perfectly in order. Trust perfect poster boy to do it first time! She didn't know what happened, why she let him do that for her. She had felt his biotics surround her slightly and the smell of gun oil mixed with cedar, maybe she was just imagining it. It didn't matter anyway she was free, and maybe a little bit sentimental and emotional, she was leaving a life behind and starting a new one. No wonder she got a bit soft back there. Being female sucks at times, damn hormones making her sentimental. She shrugged it off as she headed to the Council chambers, it was nearly time.

'Commander Victoria Alice Shepard please step forward,' the Councillor spoke and Shepard's palms were sweating. She saw the flashes from vids recording, the stares of the huge crowds that surrounded the balcony and with one last deep breath she stepped forward.

'She looks good doesn't she? Looks the part?' Ashley smiled at Kaidan as they watched from the balcony.

'Yeah she does,' he said simply. Who would have believed that less than an hour ago he was pinning on those medals that now shone so bright in the light of the Council chambers, no one could ignore them. One thing was certain though, this was the last time he was ever likely to see her.

'It is the decision of the council that you be granted all the powers and privileges of the Special Tactical and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel.'

She took another breath, feeling hundreds of eyes upon her, she just wanted to see one familiar face among them but she dared not move her gaze from the three Councillors who stood before her.

'Spectres are not trained but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle, those who actions elevate them above rank.'

She almost smiled at the irony of this comment; she really was forged in battle and service. It was all she had known.

'Spectres are an idea, a symbol. The embodiment of courage, determination and self-reliance. They are the right hand of the Council, instruments of our will.'

The last comment made her wince slightly, she knew it was just an expression but still, she hated the idea of being referred to as an instrument.

'Spectres bear a great burden; they are protectors of galactic peace. Both our first and last line of defence. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold.'

Kaidan watched closely, he could see she had her hands balled up into a tight fist; her fingernails must be digging into her hand. Was she that nervous?

'Commander Shepard you are the first human Spectre, congratulations.' The uproar of cheers echoed around the chamber and she let out a sigh of relief. Anderson and Hackett appeared to escort her out like a guard of honour. Every Alliance member stood to attention and saluted her as she left the building, despite rank or regs, she received it from everyone. It was a sign of respect, and she felt like maybe the Alliance was a place to call home after all.

She slumped into the chair and Anderson handed her a cigarette. She was not prepared for the massive press conference she just had to endure. Thankfully Hackett had stuck around and handled most of it, much to the displeasure of Udina who was trying to get in on the action all day.

'Well, I think it's safe to say your years as an espionage N7 are over my dear, no point sending you under cover now the entire galaxy knows your face,' Anderson smiled.

'Yeah I was wondering about that, some of the Brass must be pissed about this right? I mean they spent so much time keeping me hidden from press after the Blitz, worried their criminal agent would be found out! And now they don't care?' She was surprised they had allowed a press conference but then again who are they to deny humanity a look at their first Spectre.

'To be honest Shepard I think they had no choice in the matter. I believe your secrets are safe enough. So try not to worry ok? Now what are you doing here? Go get dressed and celebrate. I still have to sort out some details with Hackett.'

'I'll see you before you go though, right?' Her voice had a tone of concern in it.

'Yes don't worry, I have a bottle of Rum that has been waiting for an occasion like this so we shall have a glass and toast to your life….later. Now scat, go relax while you can.'

He smiled as he watched her leave, she truly was amazing. Pride was not strong enough to describe how he felt right now.

* * *

A/N: again please R&R I love to hear from you and now we are totally off cannon! Woop woop!

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**Jackspeak / Naval slang**

Gongs- Medals


	15. Chapter 15 unexpected company

**A/N: **Ok so here we go, totally off cannon for a bit now, all story and finally a focus on the Skenko aspect. Bare with me on this I don't have to say it again but once again **JULES HAWK** you are legend! And thanks to **tccarty** for the support as always and all to all those who reviewed and read.

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**Chapter 15**

**Unexpected company**

Shepard pulled on some civvies, she was going out so it was a good idea to make some sort of effort. Letting her hair down and putting on a bit of make-up, she decided to go with the old faithful denim shorts and white vest top, she hoped this would be enough to not be recognized. After all the first time the public saw Commander Shepard she was dressed to perfection, not like this. Still, she didn't want to risk it so she took a more secluded route to the Consort's chambers, if she was going to celebrate there was one person on this station that knew her for her and not as a commander.

As she walked into the Consort's chambers she couldn't help but be amused at the whole situation, people looking for comfort, support, a little love, but it appeared that they had to wait an extremely long time to get some and pay a lot of creds. She leaned against the wall avoiding the eyes of the patrons who wandered in and out when an Asari came up to her.

'I must say seeing you in that vid I never would have thought that was you! You brush up well Vikki.' She smiled as she came over and embraced her tightly. 'It's good to see you again, it's been too long Vic.'

Shepard grinned as she returned the embrace, 'You too Aliya.'

'So what's the plan? I am assuming that we are going someplace, and not staying around here?'

'Know anywhere a little more off the beaten track?'

She smiled, 'Ahhh, too much fame for you Vic? Yes I know a little place, it's a bit dingy and slimy,' her grin widened, 'it will be just like old times.'

They took a slow walk to some part of the lower wards Shepard had not seen before, She was glad Aliya had been able to see her. She was the only person she had remained friends with from her time in Tokyo. Hell she trusted her to cut open her brain and put in an implant and that was saying something.

Aliya went and got the drinks whilst Shepard found a table, the place was dark, smoky and dull. Just how she liked it. She lit up a cigarette and scanned her surroundings; it was a force of habit just in case she needed to make a quick escape.

'HA! Some things never change do they?' Aliya had noticed her old friend checking out the nearest exits and possible cover spots, it made her chuckle.

'Well some things are just too good to change,' she smiled as she took a sip of the drink.

They started chatting away, catching up and drinking. Shepard was relaxed around Aliya so she could finally let her guard down a bit.

'Well you serve the Consort now? That's a big gig! You enjoy it?'

Aliya smiled, 'It's easy money and a lot of it for something I have always done, we have certainly become far more respectable citizens now.'

Shepard laughed, 'well technically you're still a prostitute and I'm still a killer it's just more proper and official now.'

Aliya's smile vanished and she looked serious.

'What's up? I know that look! What has happened?' Shepard never liked it when Aliya turned serious it normally meant big trouble.

She leaned in close to Shepard, 'You know how I always keep an eye out for any information, especially if it helps you.' Shepard nodded, it was true, Aliya acted as sort of spy for her, nothing official but with the clients walking in and out of the Consort's Chambers she managed to get some valuable insight that Shepard used to her advantage many times.

'A few weeks ago, the Consort was due to meet with an old friend, Matriarch Benezia. But the Matriarch never turned up, that is something that never happens. Anyway, needless to say the Consort was concerned, she used her persuasive abilities to find out where she was.'

'And?' Shepard didn't know where this was going but Aliya never gave her worthless information.

'She is with Saren, this has come as a shock to all of us. Benezia is a powerful and well respected Asari, I cannot see her being involved in something like this without just cause, or she is being forced. Whatever the reason the Consort is concerned and she asked me if you would retrieve Benezia's daughter and get her to safety.'

'Is the daughter involved as well?'

'I don't know, but she has not been in contact with her mother for some time so I doubt it. She is a Prothean expert and may be some use, either as knowledge or leverage to get to Benezia…..you get to her you can find out where Saren is hiding.'

'Aliya…you are a damn hero!'

She laughed at this. 'No Vic I'm just doing what I can do to help you and it helps that the Consort is extremely interested in you.'

'In me? Why?'

'Who knows?' She slid a data pad over to Shepard, 'that's all the information I have managed to gather, I hope it helps.'

Shepard scanned over the datapad her eyes lighting up, 'I owe you.'

'Don't be silly, you got me out of that hell hole, there is nothing I can do to ever repay that. Now that business is over with fancy another drink?'

'If I drink more I think I will be heading towards being very drunk,' she 'd had a lot already, the empty bottles on the table, the slight heat in her cheeks, but it was not every day she got to see an old friend, became a Spectre, became free, got her own command. Hell maybe now was the best time to get drunk before everything went crazy. 'Oh what the hell let's just get drunk anyway.'

* * *

'I can't believe she has gone.' Joker nursed his beer looking over at Alenko who was doing the same.

'Well she is a big hero and now a Spectre, it's no wondershe's getting her own command, she needs it.' Kaidan couldn't help but feel a little on the low side. As soon as the ceremony had finished he and Joker went to grab a beer, one beer turned into many and now both were slumped on chairs drowning in self-pity and depression.

'Yeah I guess you're right, if it wasn't for Anderson or the Normandy I would have insisted she have me to fly for her, hell I might still, if she would have me.' Joker leaned over his drink sighing.

'You like her don't you?' Kaidan looked over at his friend curiously.

'Hell yeah, I was with her during…well I was with her during a bad time for her. It sort of brought us together as mates, she was an outsider like me. Sort of like you and me I guess.'

* * *

Shepard and Aliya had drunk their fair share of drink when Aliya whispered, 'There is a man behind you, he won't stop staring at you,' she grinned mischievously, 'You got a chance to take this party into the morning.'

Shepard just burst out laughing. 'Is he worth it?'

'I would say he is about a 6.'

'Nah, I don't make the effort to take my clothes off for any lower than a 7,' she waved her friend off, it was Aliya's life long mission to find her a man.

'Well you could always let him take them off for you,' Aliya laughed so hard she knocked over her bottle, Shepard stood up to pick it up before she went and knocked her own bottle off.

'Oh god I'm wasted, maybe we should go right?'

Aliya stumbled around getting her bag and Shepard went up to the bar to get a bottle of rum to have tonight.

Shepard saw Aliya back to her place and she took a slow walk around the Presidium Lake, bottle in one hand, cigarette in the other she slowly stumbled around. It was then she noticed someone else was walking by the lake, how dare they she thought, this was her alone time. The alcohol had made her very short tempered, but then she grew paranoid. What if it was C-Sec coming to tell her to get away from the lake? Or what if it was Udina coming to find her? She shuddered at the thought.

Kaidan had left Joker and started the slow walk up to the room that had been assigned to him in the Alliance wing. Still in his dress blues he slung his jacket over his shoulder and undid a few of the top buttons of his shirt, there was something about the fake air in the Citadel that never felt quite right to him and he wished he could feel a real breeze. He stood by the lake staring at the still water that glimmered under the lights and the colour of the water couldn't help but remind him of Shepard's eyes, the way it was not blue or green, just like hers. Though the water was lifeless unlike her, she was more like a storm, a force of nature and part of him, though he hated to admit it, would miss that. For the first time he had started to feel alive again. He wasn't just living each day in the same monotonous, controlled environment he had trained himself to live in, instead around her he felt emotions he forgot he had, anger, fear, jealousy and god knows what else. It made him feel human even though it scared him that one woman could do that to him. It was not worth the risk.

He chuckled to himself at how pathetic he must sound before he continued to walk.

He was lost in thought and never saw her coming, never saw that from the shadows emerged the very woman who was the main focus of his thoughts.

'Lieutenant?' She never expected to see him of all people here, looking far from the poster boy she saw a few hours ago. His shirt undone, slightly revealing the glint of silver from his dog tags and the bare skin beneath, his eyes slightly glazed over and the smell of alcohol and smoke mixed with his own scent made her smile to herself, he had obviously been doing what she had.

'Commander?' Kaidan stood there a moment dumb struck, he would not have recognized her if she had not come into the light, her lips a deep red blood shade looked full, lush and he couldn't help but stare at them, he came to his senses, pushing away the drink infused daze that seemed to take over him. He took the chance and looked her in the eyes, they sparkled in the dark, her hair fell slightly in front of them so she tucked it behind her ear. The movement was so normal but coming from her it was such an unusually feminine act as she slightly lowered her head and looked up at him. He hastily realized who he was looking at, for a moment he forgot this was his commander, well she wasn't anymore, nevertheless she was a superior. 'Sorry Commander I wasn't expecting to see anyone down here,' he hastily went to put on his jacket but before he could he was interrupted.

'Don't mind me Lieutenant, you don't see me in uniform do you? Besides you can't be poster perfect all the time can you?'

He was fed up, fed up of the insults, fed up of being belittled by her, those feelings of anger and frustration she aroused started to surface. 'Fine,' he said as he flung his jacket back off. 'I guess you're right, besides, it appears that being perfect doesn't get you anywhere these days.'

His tone was slightly bitter and sarcastic; Shepard was a little shocked at his change in tone. 'You got a problem Lieutenant?'

'No ma'am.'

They both stood there in awkward silence for a moment and he watched as she lifted the bottle of rum to those amazing lips and took a drink.

'So I guess you have been celebrating?' He motioned to the drink in her hand.

'Yep.'

'I guess being a Spectre isn't something that happens every day.'

She tilted her head to the side with a slight smile on her lips, 'Oh that, that is not worth this kind of celebration. No I'm celebrating something I have been waiting for, waiting a very long time.'

He wanted to ask more but didn't dare pry into her personal life or professional for that matter it was not his place to.

'Something about this place doesn't feel right,' she sighed again and Kaidan knew how she felt, everything was so clean and perfect, it was beautiful but nothing seemed natural.

'Like the water you mean?' He couldn't help but try to converse with her, a few hours ago he thought he would never see her again but as fate would have it she was standing right next to him. He wasn't entirely sure why he felt that way, she was infuriating and frustrating but it seemed a lifetime ago since he felt anything but control.

'Yeah, want to see something cool?' She had a mischievous grin on her face, a grin that Kaidan would have taken as a warning before but this woman was leaving, going away to become a hero, what was one last run into her crazy world before he returned to his controlled one?

'Ok,' his voice was weary though he tried to hide it and before he could say anything she had grabbed his hand and dragged him towards a dark area of the lake surrounded by trees.

She didn't know why she was taking him, she had never been here before but heard of it from Aliya and she didn't want to spend her first night of freedom entirely alone.

They headed through the darkened, tree covered area of the lake and up to a large gate that a small channel of the lake went into.

She let go of his hand, god knows why she didn't before but the feel of his hand on hers was some comfort to her, reminding her that she was not alone.

'Give me a leg up will you?'

Kaidan stood there slightly bemused at what she was doing.

'Commander you sure we should be doing this?'

'Oh come on, where's your sense of fun? Or did the Alliance beat that out of you as well? And plus I'm a Spectre now surely I can put that to good use?'

He wanted to argue with her, but he was too busy arguing with himself about why he was still following her, his drunk side won. He braced his hands and Shepard lifted herself up on the gate, bottle still in hand she pushed up and Kaidan had to close his eyes, the image of his commander's arse in tight shorts so close to his face would not help this situation. Anderson would shoot him on the spot. Anderson? The thought made him panic, he was in some dark area of the citadel with a drunk crazy commander that his captain happened to be seeing. He prayed that this would not end up with his head on pike.

He pushed himself over the gate and when he jumped down he stood amazed at the sight that was in front of him.

The trees that Shepard stood staring at in the Council chambers were surrounding an enclosed area of water, above it the water was cascading down creating a waterfall into the small lake that led into the channel they had seen previously.

'It's part of the filter apparently' she smiled at him, 'but it's made to look natural.'

She slung off her heels and sat next to the water's edge, she looked more content and happy than he had ever seen her before. She slid her feet into the water sighing with relief. Kaidan would never have done anything like this before, but this woman had created some sort of crazy recklessness in him so he took a few breaths for courage before joining her.

* * *

A/N: Please R&R let me know if you think this a good direction for them


	16. Chapter 16 what have I done?

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay, ships connection went down (bad times) And i have pulled some busy shifts and I am attempting to finally crack down on planning my wedding and it's a nightmare because I have no idea what I am doing. Anyway enough excuses, for this long wait you get a longer chapter (one that I have been dreading putting up) Big thanks to **JULES HAWK **of course.

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**Chapter 16**

**What have I done?**

They both sat in silence, not saying much, passing the bottle of rum between them. Shepard would occasionally kick her feet in the water making it splash slightly and Kaidan couldn't help but smile as he saw her toe nails were painted a dark shade of green, that was something he would have never expected of her.

'I wanted to ask you something.'

Her voice made him jump slightly, a bit concerned about what this could be about, he braced himself for the worst. 'What about Ma'am?'

'Ok firstly I am no longer your XO and I am off duty so please stop calling me Ma'am you are making me feel old, ok?'

He nodded in silence not quite sure how to respond to that.

'I wanted to ask you something about what Anderson mentioned on the Bulwark earlier, it sounded as if you served on the SSV Ardent?'

Ok, now he knew where this was going, he had assumed she knew his service history.'Yes I did, it was my previous posting. It's all in my files.'

She scoffed, 'I don't read files, they bore me and I like to make up my own impression of someone before the Alliance paints a picture of them.' She paused for a moment, now she knew why he hated her, she was not like her Mum and she bet that was what he was expecting a mini Hannah Shepard.

'So you knew my mum?' She didn't want to ask, she didn't want to know but she had to.

'Yes, though I was not directly under her command as the XO she liked to keep an eye of everyone and everything. It was a big ship, but I think she enjoyed getting to know everyone. I served on the Ardent for four years, so yes I knew her but not that well.'

Kaidan could see Shepard's shoulders drop as she sighed, 'How is she?'

The question struck him as an odd one but he answered anyway, 'she is well it appears, she runs a tight ship but fair, if you don't me saying ma'am?'

'I told you Alenko enough with the ma'am already, and say what you want, I believe in free speech no matter what the Alliance tells you.'

'Well I was going to say, She could be a little chancy, she took risks. Though I would say she is a perfect example of Alliance she always kept her humanity and it was a privilege to have served under such an officer. You are like her in a lot of ways I guess, but I bet everyone tells you that?'

She sat silently as she took another sip out of the bottle, she never thought she was anything like her mum, but then again how was she to know? She barely stayed in contact despite the constant messages she kept receiving from her. She replied on the odd occasion just to let her know she was still alive and safe but she could never bring herself to do more than that, and it made her shake the feelings off, now was not the time to be dwelling on her complicated mummy issues, she stared at her feet watching the water trickle over them, and it looked so inviting.

Before Kaidan could ponder as to why she was interested in his time spent on the Ardent he heard a splash and felt water spray into his face, as he looked round Shepard was no longer next to him. He panicked as he looked into the disturbed water, he couldn't see her, he panicked even more, had she fallen in? He didn't think twice, when he dived into the water after her but as he did he saw her surface, smiling and laughing.

'Damn that was good, it feels amazing in here,' her smile made all his worries vanish in a second, she looked over to him, 'you had the urge to get wet too Alenko?'

'No Ma'am I thought you may have fallen in,' now he said it aloud it sounded stupid, like the great commander Shepard would fall into a lake, and even if she had why would she need him to come and rescue her?

'Awwwww, and you came to save me? Alenko I didn't think you had it in you?' She splashed him with her hand way she said it made him grind his teeth in anger, she was right but still it annoyed him that she found it so amusing. He swam to the surface pulling himself out of the water.

Shepard let the water surround her body; it felt amazing to be in it. She loved the sea something so wild and dangerous should always be respected, this was the closest she could get to it right now and it felt good. She watched as Alenko swam to the side, it was obvious she had pissed him off with her little stunt but she didn't expect him to come in after her, as he placed his hands on the edge and lifted himself out she couldn't help but stare. His white dress shirt clung to him the water had made it stick to his body and she could seehis back muscles move and those broad shoulders take his weight as he lifted himself out. She smiled at the sight, he may be a dick but damn that man had a body she would have loved to get her hands on. When he had pulled himself out he turned and the front of him was just as nice as the back, she could see every line and contour of each muscle on his chest and arms and it was such an invite to want to peel that wet shirt off him. She cursed herself for being so shallow, the first nice body she sees in months and she was already fantasising about what it would feel like to run her hands over it. Maybe she should have let that guy at the bar take her clothes off; it was obvious she needed some action to be drooling over the lieutenant's body like that.

Kaidan sat back down by the water's edge, out of the corner of his eye he saw he Shepard suddenly duck under the water, he shook his head, it was like being with a child at times, a very dangerous one. It was then he noticed something so he turned and next to where Shepard had left her shoes was the silver cigarette case she carried, he noticed the case had something carved into it. Curiosity got the better of him so he looked closer at the words that had obviously been carved into the case with a knife, it was crude and badly done but its meaning was clear.

SHEPARD 1443-AN-5429

ANDERSON 2724-AA-7849

His heart sank a little at the sight of it, there was no doubt now that they were together, and he was in this very awkward situation with his captain's girlfriend, he needed to get out of here. Just as he thought that Shepard pulled herself out of the water. Oh god, he thought as he looked up. Most guys have witnessed a wet t-shirt competition and there would have been no doubt in Kaidan's mind that Shepard would have won this one. The sight of white lace clinging to her breasts, the dog tags resting just in between was something he imagined he would not be able to get rid of for some time and he hastily picked up his jacket, and determined to look her in the face and nowhere else, he handed it to her.

She frowned slightly at him. It was then she realized why he was passing it to her and for the first time in her life she blushed, she felt the heat rise in her cheeks, she was never concerned over embarrassment, but for some reason she still blushed. She almost laughed to herself that at least she was not in the Alliance standard bra, who wears that when they were going out? But maybe that would have been less awkward. She took the jacket and in a discomfited silence put it on. It was miles too big for her but his scent was all over it, and it was so good, she took a moment to inhale the smells and it made her feel even more frustrated over the whole situation, so she grabbed the bottle of rum and drank.

He couldn't help but think how tiny she looked in his jacket, like a child playing dress up; he forgot how petite she was.

'Maybe we should go?' Kaidan had never felt so awkward before in his life, he wanted to run as fast he could and as far as he could.

'Yeah we should,' She picked up her shoes, the bottle and cigarette case, slipping it into her shorts pocket and in silence they walked over to the gate before climbing back over it. She didn't ask for a leg up this time, Kaidan was grateful for that.

They walked up to the Alliance wing, silently finishing up the bottle of rum, there were moments when one of them would stumble slightly, it was obvious they had both drunk a lot and Kaidan would no doubt regret it when his head exploded in the morning.

As they entered the building Shepard stood frozen for a moment. 'I don't have a room.' It suddenly hit her that she had not been allocated one; her stuff was packed up and was sent to Anderson's office, she couldn't go back to Normandy.

Kaidan frowned, 'Anderson allocated all the officers their own room,' Hers was probably with him he thought.

'Well he forgot about me, I don't remember him giving me one.'

I bet he has given it to you plenty of times he thought, he didn't know where that came from, he was not normally so bitter.

'He should still be up, I'll go to his office and ask. I left my Omni tool in my bag, I didn't want to be hounded all night.'

She turned to leave before stumbling into the wall._ Damn it!_ He watched her giggling, he could not leave a drunk girl to go wandering through the wards at this time no matter who she was. He would have to take back his jacket to save any awkward questions and then she would be showing the world the great commander Shepard's real assets. He cursed at how bad this whole night had turned out to be.

'No, I'll come with you, not a good idea to be wandering around alone right?'

She turned and frowned, 'no Alenko I would rather like to avoid any awkward situations if we're seen walking up to his office like this together.' She gestured to his state of attire. 'I don't want to ruin your rep now do I?'

He couldn't believe the situation he was in right now, the alcohol had made his rational mind cease to work, 'ok, I'll get changed, you dry off and then we go find him?' It was the only way he could see to get around the situation. And he didn't like the idea. 'Come on,' he started to walk down the corridor, Shepard silently following him.

As they got to his door he stopped for a second before opening it, had he even left it in a suitable state for a superior officer to be walking into. Panic started to take over. 'Come on Alenko, I would like to sleep before morning.' Shepard stood behind him glancing up and down the corridor, not the greatest idea to be seen wandering into a fellow officer's room at this time of night, she would have to answer a lot of questions if she was seen.

He opened the door and was relieved to see he had left it tidy; he walked over and turned on the lamp. It was nothing special there was a double bed, something he was very grateful for, as bunks felt smaller each time. There was a sofa, desk, bookcase, and a small kitchen area and a bathroom.

'Bathroom is through there, towels are in there if you want a shower to warm up whilst your clothes dry.' She nodded her thanks as she went into the bathroom and shut the door.

She let the warm water trickle over her body, it felt so good and so warm, she didn't want to get out. It seemed like a lifetime ago since she'd had a decent shower. As she got out and wrapped a towel around her she looked in the mirror, combing her wet hair through with her fingers she would have thought Alenko would have had a brush in here. She checked her clothes, they were still wet, too wet to put back on. She stood in the bathroom waiting for a while. 'To hell with this,' Shepard was not a patient person she knew this, everyone knew this so standing on a cold floor in a towel waiting for clothes to dry was already driving her mad. She slipped on her underwear, they'd dry fast anyway so the slight damp didn't bother her too much and she couldn't go out of the bathroom with nothing on underneath a towel. Just as she was about to take a deep breath and open the door she noticed one of Kaidan's dress shirts was hanging on the back of the bathroom door, she grabbed it and slipped it on. It was big enough that it gave her more modesty than the towel would.

Kaidan was rummaging around in his bag for some clothes, he slipped on a pair of jeans and plain t-shirt. Just as he had pulled the t-shirt over his head he heard the bathroom door open. If the sight of Shepard in a wet top was going to play on his mind then this was going to haunt him.

She stood there, her skin still slightly wet leaving a gleam over her toned, long legs, and her hair was loose and damp falling into natural waves. And she was wearing his shirt? If he was a lesser man the sight of her would have made all his blood run south, but he controlled himself. It was a challenge though.

'Hope you don't mind? It's better than a towel.' She went and sat down on the sofa, as she did the shirt slowly crept up a little higher on her thighs and Kaidan had to turn away for a second. If she had come out in just a towel it may have been a little easier, there was just something about a woman in your shirt that is very arousing, especially a woman who looked like that. It frustrated him.

'Erm no, it's fine.' He didn't know what to do or say, could this whole situation get any worse for him?

The awkward silence was too much for her, she hated it. 'So Alenko any family?' It was the first thing that came to mind.

He turned around glad for something to take his mind off Shepard and her sitting in his shirt. 'Yeah, Mum, Dad and a younger brother and sister. They all live in Vancouver. You?'

'Just my Mum really, Dad died when I was young, I make my own family I guess like Anderson.'

The name sent a hot burst of anger through his veins; she is openly admitting the relationship, yet she sits here like that? Knowing full well how much trouble he could get into.

'How long?' He had to know, but he didn't want to.

'How long what?'

'You and Anderson?'

'Me and him what?' She was slightly confused, she may be drunk but she was not paralytic.

'How long have you been together?' He could quite believe what was coming out of his mouth but he couldn't stop it.

'Together? I don't know what you are trying to get at here Alenko' She stood up, her eyes started to show the danger signs that Kaidan had come to recognize, he couldn't back down now. He was going to call her out, see what she had to say.

'How long have you and Anderson been seeing each other? And don't worry I have not reported you.'

'Seeing each other?' Her voice was slightly more raised and anger had started to crawl through her. 'Can you be more specific _Lieutenant?_'

That's it, Kaidan had had enough of her games, her teasing, and this whole goddamn mess she got him into. 'Ok _Commander_, How long have you and the Captain been _fucking_?' He regretted his choice of words before he even said them. But it still came a shock to him when he felt his head being twisted to one side from the force of impact. He tasted the coppery taste of blood from his lips.

She couldn't believe what he had said. She stood there panting in rage, the punch, she couldn't even stop herself if she wanted to, she just wacked him without even thinking. As he turned back towards her, the sight made her heart skip a beat for all the wrong reasons. His eyes lit up with emotion, blood trickled down from his mouth and oh god those eyes! She couldn't help but stare at him; this was the first time she'd really got a glimpse into the real man before her. But no matter how nice those eyes were she was still hot blooded with fury.

'Next time before you go making up shit you should get your fucking facts right!' She was shouting now walking towards him, he backed up slightly, despite her small stature she was intimidating, it felt like she was the one who towered above him when in truth it was the other way around.

She was seeing red now, how dare he think such a thing, it made her sick at the very idea. After everything Anderson had done for her, how he raised her, loved her like his own and this damn man in front of her was questioning their relationship?

Kaidan despite his head screaming for him to back down couldn't. 'Oh yeah well when the evidence shows you one thing what are you meant to believe? I have my facts Ma'am, maybe you should be more careful about keeping your sordid little secrets to yourself!' He'd said too much, he knew he had when her she stood there in silence, her head lowered and fists clenched. Her breathing was deep and heavy, her chest rose up and down and he heard her whisper under her breath.

'He is not my lover' she looked up eyes burning and shouted out 'HE IS NOT MY LOVER! HE IS MY GODFATHER!'

The words hit him like a Krogan punch in the face, his mind flashed back to when he witnessed the moments between them. Now he could see it, how could he have been so blind? The affectionate kiss on the head, the embrace, and the sly cheeky smiles. That was not the affection of lover, that was the affection of a father.

She screamed the words out at him. Kaidan was ready for it this time when she lifted her clenched fist to strike him. He grabbed her wrist to stop her, despite her strength he had a good grip on her and could overpower her.

She struggled against his hold using her other hand to attempt to push him away, she swore at the fact she was drunk or she would have flattened him. They both stood struggling with each other, she wanted to hit him, he wouldn't let her. She pushed him hard against the wall, his back slamming into the bookshelf but still he did not loosen his grip on her.

She grabbed a datapad off the side, throwing it at him screaming and swearing, he grabbed her other wrist pushing her back so he was not pinned against the wall, she pushed back attempting to grab his t-shirt and pull him over. It only resulted in him being pulled closer towards her, they were now face to face glaring at each other.

Neither one could say how it happened, neither one could tell you who made the first move, but from the rage filled struggle there was a moment that neither one understood.

Shepard tasted the blood on her lips as her mouth pressed hard against Kaidans, this was not loving or gentle or soft like she imagined it would be with him. This was hard, desperate, fumed by anger and rage, they struggled with each other still grabbing and pushing but never letting the kiss break. She bit down hard on his lip as he lifted her up with the ease of solider, she grabbed onto the shelf for support only resulting in pulling it down and it crashed to the ground but neither one of them cared. His hand ran through her hair pulling it hard, she let out a little moan that only fuelled Kaidan's desire even more as she wrapped one hand round his neck, grabbing it hard, her other hand found the buckle on his belt and she tugged at it causing him to lose his balance. She used it as an opportunity to push her weight onto him causing him to stumble to the ground, trying to break his fall by grabbing the bedside table.

The lamp fell and smashed, plunging the room into a dim glow from the lights outside and he found himself pinned to the ground by Shepard, her legs either side of his. The kiss never broke, not even once. He grabbed her waist pulling her around so she was lying on her back; he sat up looked down at her. He grabbed the top of his shirt that she was wearing and with one fierce motion pulled it apart, the buttons went flying, the sound of ripped fabric only hidden by the sudden gasp that came from her lips.

It was like a dream, he couldn't quite get it into his mind what he was really seeing as he looked at the woman who lay beneath him. He was right about the lacy underwear but before he could fully appreciate the sight his head was jerked back towards her, she had grabbed onto his dog tags that dangled above her pulling him close. She pulled at his t-shirt, she wanted more of him, there was too much between them so she roughly tugged it over his head. She had no time to observe the nice view before she squirmed in pleasure as she felt a little nip at her throat, his hand grabbed one of her thighs, his fingers digging in, she reached around dragging her nails down his back. The pain was a welcomed one as she once again began tugging at his belt. His hand drifted to the small and delicate lace that was the only thing in his way and for a moment his sanity came back as he panicked and almost stopped but that was gone in seconds when he heard the gasping breath of Shepard in his ear.

'ALENKO! OI KAIDAN!'

The voice of Joker on the other side of the door made them both freeze, wide eyed in panic they just looked at each other as if for the first time they both realized what they were about to do. The banging on the door got louder.

'HEY LT! COME OUT AND PLAY!' Ashley's voice was louder than Jokers and they could hear them arguing outside the room.

'KAIDAN! I know you are in there mate you best get your ass to the door NOW!'

They both still lay on the floor frozen, not sure what to do or say.

'FINE! Be like that!...ASH blow down the door!'

Kaidan jolted up 'HANG ON! I'll be two seconds.' He shouted at the door. He turned to look at Shepard who had pulled the ripped and ruined shirt over her, he looked around for his t-shirt, pulling it over his head as he buttoned up his jeans. He was grateful he had out them on, they did a much better job of hiding any embarrassing evidence than the uniform trousers would have. He glanced over to Shepard who had got up and walked over to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

'What the hell is it?' He opened the door slightly to find Ashley and Joker sitting on the floor outside of his room, clearly very drunk.

'What the fuck happened to you LT?' Ashley sat there her mouth wide open.

Kaidan had forgotten about the punch Shepard had given him earlier and god knows how bad it was.

'Doesn't matter,' he stepped outside shutting the door behind him.

'No seriously mate, are you ok? What happened?' Joker looked concerned but at the same time very intrigued. 'It's not like you to get in a bar fight or anything, I would have paid to see that.'

'Look just leave it ok?' His tone was blunt, and he was getting annoyed at the questioning. 'What do you want?'

'Can we come in? We have MAJOR news for you,' Joker grinned up at Kaidan.

'Now is not a good time Joker. Can you tell me tomorrow?'

'That's the whole point tomorrow will be too late.'

'What is it then?'

Ashley could see how the LT was clearly in a bad mood, but with a bruise and cut like that he had obviously had a rough night and wanted to be alone. 'We saw Anderson earlier.' She hoped if she mentioned it was work related he might calm down.

'And?'

She was wrong, 'Well joker was moaning and crying over the fact he was going to have to choose between the Normandy and Shepard.'

Her name caused Kaidan to shift uncomfortably to one side.

Ashley didn't seem to notice, 'After a few drinks and Jokers crying,'

'I did not cry,' he interrupted her

'Hey if they weren't tears then I am Varren's mum.'

'Will you two just tell me what this is about please?' Kaidan really needed them to leave, and fast. He didn't want them finding out who was hiding in his bathroom.

'Ok ok, calm down, it's not our fault you got bitched slapped,' Joker said bursting out laughing.

'Ok that's it, you can tell me tomorrow,' he turned and went to open the door.

'Ok hang on,' Joker forced himself to stop laughing, 'After I told Anderson how emotionally torn I was between two of the greatest gals in the galaxy he said I won't have to choose!' Joker looked wide-eyed and was nodding so vigorously that Kaidan was worried he might break his neck.

'So you are being ordered to do what?'

'No no! He said I won't have to choose because he wants to give the Normandy to Shepard!...She is going to be our CO!'

Oh god he thought as the words finally sunk in….what have I done?

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**A/N: **Please R&R I was very nervous about this chapter, writing out of my comfort zone and all but I think it was needed.


	17. Chapter 17 the morning after

**A/N **once again thanks to _JULESHAWK _savior of my Galaxy. And to those who read and review.

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**Chapter 17**

**The morning after**

_The year 2170 CE, Tokyo_

Shepard glanced up, this was not meant to happen, it was not meant to be like this. Tears stung her eyes and she watched in horror as he slid her tattered top up over her head. She was starving, desperate; blood trickled down from her forehead. She closed her eyes and pictured home, the tree in the garden blowing in the wind, the smell of the ocean, the warmth of the sun and breeze on her face. It wasn't good enough, she was jerked back to reality when she felt his lips over her naked chest and she couldn't let him do this. She gathered what strength she had left and attempted to push him off, biting into his hand as he went to grab her.

'You slut!' He screamed at her, slapping her hard across the face. It was then she saw the shards of glass on the floor. She didn't think twice, she didn't even think if it was right or wrong as she plunged the glass deep into his stomach, twisting it as hard as she could letting the warm blood spill over her hand. He tried to push away, he fell to the ground and she withdrew the glass from his stomach watching him attempt to stop the blood that was seeping out ofthe wound. She watched as he reached for the pistol on his hip and she plunged the glass into his chest, again and again and again until he stopped moving. She was too desperate to even care that she had just murdered a man. And she didn't regret it.

_Present day_

Shepard stood staring at the mirror in the bathroom, her heart was pounding. Why had she done that? Maybe she was just a slut, jumping on him like that with no thought to the consequences. Rule number 43: never mix work and pleasure. She nodded to herself and did the only thing she could, she grabbed her clothes, slinging them on, not caring if they were dry or not.

Kaidan pushed the door shut, the cool metal of the door on his forehead was soothing, it was amazing how fast you could sober up. He turned around as he heard the bathroom door open and saw Shepard walk out, fully clothed and looking down.

He walked over to the kitchen area, both stood in an awkward silence, neither knowing what to say or do. He didn't turn around as he heard Shepard move.

'I-I have to go,' she rushed the words out in a whisper, he didn't think he would have the courage to look at her. He just nodded and waited, but the sound of the door closing never came, he took a breath and turned around, Shepard stood in the doorway frozen she turned her head slightly towards him, her eyes still down. 'I'm sorry…..goodbye Kaidan,' she whispered and she shut the door and ran, it was the only thing she could do, she ran until she was out of breath.

Kaidan stood rooted to the floor unable to comprehend what had just happened. It seemed like some messed up dream, none of it seemed real but the pounding in his head and the mess around the room seemed to disagree with him, it was real, it did happen and now he was in trouble.

He grabbed a coffee and sat slowly sipping from the mug in the darkness of the room. He didn't know how long he sat there in silence, he didn't even notice when he finished his coffee. Instead he just collapsed onto the bed, the only thing in the room that remained untouched from the evenings events which in a different situation he would have found amusing. He didn't bother to get undressed or shower he just squeezed his eyes shut and buried his head under the pillow. Maybe if he got a few hours sleep when he woke up this would have been all some sort of crazy dream. He could wish.

Shepard sat on a bench watching the artificial light of the Citadel rise, she had nowhere to go, and she didn't fancy going anywhere anyway. She barely noticed her name being called from a distance until Anderson stood right in front of her.

'Victoria? Where have you been? I have been trying to contact you for hours,' he sat next to her; she looked rough, like she hadn't slept, maybe partied a little too hard. But there was something else wrong with her. He knew her probably better than anyone else and he knew when she had things going on in her head. He figured that with all that has gone on she was a little overwhelmed, who wouldn't be? Maybe right now was not the best time to tell her the news regarding the Normandy. 'Are you all right? Looks like you haven't slept?'

'Looks like you haven't either Anderson,' she leaned back on the bench her arms were wrapped around her, she shivered a little so Anderson took off his Jacket and without comment draped it around her shoulder, she wrapped it around her and looked up at him, 'thanks.'

'Come on, you have a big day ahead of you, you should get some sleep.'

'I don't have a room.'

'I sent the info to you, I gather you don't have your omni tool with you considering I have failed to get hold of you all night.'

She shrugged her shoulders, she was quiet and that concerned him, she was never quiet, she always had some cocky quick response. A quiet Shepard was a dangerous and troubled Shepard.

'I wanted some peace before the storm, so to speak. So I left it in my bag.'

'Well no point in dragging you there now, your stuff is with me anyway might as well come back and crash at mine.'

As they took a slow walk Shepard leaned her head onto his shoulders, she was clearly having trouble keeping her eyes open, and by the time they had reached his door she was fast asleep in his arms. He placed her in the bed covering her with the quilt and sat down in the lounge. He still had a lot of work to do so he knew he would not be sleeping.

Kaidan woke up to the sound of his omni tool, his head was pounding, his body ached and for a moment his mind was foggy until he glanced around his room and saw the mess, the reality of the situation dawned on him and it took some courage to look at the message that awaited him. He sighed as he read the message from Anderson requiring all senior members of the Normandy for a meeting, he could only hope that Joker had misheard Anderson or else was making it all up, he doubted it but he could hold onto that small hope. He dragged himself to the bathroom pulling off his t-shirt, he winced slightly as he did. Turning his back to mirror he looked into the reflection seeing the dried blood and cracked skin from the marks of fingernails, and blue bruises that matched the one on his face. He stepped into the shower letting the water wash away the scent of wild flowers, the scent of her. Whatever happened from here on he had to remind himself it was nothing, just a simple drunken mistake. That is why she said sorry before she left.

'Hey you're awake?' Anderson's voice echoed in her ears as she gently opened her eyes, it took a while for them to focus. For a moment she wondered where she was then it all came flooding back to her, she groaned and rolled over pulling the quilt over her head.

'Oh no you don't missy, get up. We need to talk, glass of water and painkillers are next to you. I'll make us a coffee. You need to shower and get dressed, uniform is out for you.'

'Just a little longer,' she tried to snuggle further down in the quilt, she didn't want to get up and face the world today, today seemed a nice day to stay in bed.

'Oh no, get up!' She felt Anderson give her a kick and she knew no matter what she would have to get out of this bed. She wanted to save herself the grief of having Anderson dragging her out by her hair, he had done it before and she had no doubt he would do it again.

Once she had dragged herself to the shower she slowly began to feel more human, she noticed the slight bruising on her wrists and guilt suddenly spread through her, she was starting to realize what she had done. He didn't deserve that. Why did she always have to ruin perfectly good people and make their life a living hell? She was grateful that was goodbye though something deep inside was also a little disappointed. Only a little.

She pulled on her uniform, making sure the sleeves of her shirt were covering any evidence of bruising and plaited her hair into a neat bun at the nape of her neck. Rummaging in her bag she scrounged around for a bit of makeup to try and cover the bags that had started to appear under her eyes. As she made her way into the lounge she looked at Anderson, he seemed to have aged overnight, it was obvious he had not slept and he looked like he needed it. She sat down coffee in hand and waited for Anderson to finish what he was reading.

He didn't want to tell her yet, she'd probably had enough of surprises and he didn't think this was how she imagined her freedom going, but he had no choice, they had no time, he had to tell her.

'Well myself and Hackett have made some arrangements for you, we spent our evening with Udina and the Council in a bitching match,' he smiled slightly and Shepard just raised her eyebrow in mock horror.

'Yeah, yeah, bitching and Udina? Now that's a surprise,' he chuckled.

'Anyway after much….talking we decided on a ship for you. Now Spectres can request and can be given a Council frigate, it is then up to them to crew and organize the ship. Or they can have free passage on Council vessels to make their way around the galaxy when they need to.'

'Yeah I don't think Saren will be using Council trade routes,' She sipped her coffee, slightly worried where this was going, she remembered Hackett offering her a ship but she doubted the Council would take too kindly to that.

'We wanted you to have an Alliance ship, not just to keep an eye on you but to protect you, you are our first Spectre it is in our interest that we protect you and help you, and as this is a mission for humanity it seemed only right we do so.'

'But I take it the Council didn't want that?'

'No, I think they are concerned you will serve our interests when in fact you should be serving the Councils also. This led to some rather heated discussions.' She couldn't help but smirk at this comment, what she would have given to see Udina, Hackett and Anderson all giving the Council a mouthful. Especially Hackett, she loved it when he got mad, he was ruthless, he was one crazy SOB.

'But finally we came to an agreement, there is only one ship that is suitable for you, one ship that can serve all our purposes. The only Alliance vessel built with Council allies, both human and Turian. The Normandy.'

'NO!' She stood up nearly knocking her coffee off the table, that was Anderson's ship, it was his baby, how could she take it off him?

'Calm down, it was my idea in the first place.'

'But David she is yours, you oversaw the whole thing, she was your baby, I can't take her away from you like this.'

'Yes you can and you will, if I had to give her to anyone I would want it to be you, this is not up for argument or discussion. These are your orders. You will take command of the Normandy and her crew to help you with your mission. End of discussion.'

She stood staring at him, wide eyed in shock, her stomach flipped over and she felt sick, she couldn't say anything. This man had given up so much for her and now he was doing it again, was she truly deserving of this?

'Now, before you stand there any longer you have a meeting with the Council, and I have a meeting with my officers.' He tried not to make a big deal out of it, he tried to shrug it off so it didn't appear to be anything bigger than him making her breakfast, he wanted this to be easy on her. So he grabbed his jacket leaned over gave her a small hug before leaving.

It never occurred to her at that moment that this meant she never had to say goodbye to Kaidan, it never occurred to her that she would be his CO, all she thought of was that she was stealing Anderson's girl away from him.

As Kaidan walked towards the Alliance offices, he couldn't help but fidget in his uniform, no matter what he did he looked like shit, no amount of medigel could get rid of the bruising on his face, or the mark of a cut lip. Not in this short amount of time. And now he was off to a meeting with Anderson, looking like this. He sighed as he saw Joker, Ashley, Adams and Pressly sitting down outside Anderson's office. Pressly just scowled at him, which was normal. Pressly's most polite conversation with him was to ask if his biotics had any effect on his navigation processors. Such an open-minded guy. Adams gave him a weak smile; it was Joker and Ashley that sat there smirking at him as he made his way to the bench.

'So you're alive?' Joker asked.

'Yeah,'

'You going to tell us now? I mean come on Alenko seriously?You got into a fight and you didn't invite me?'

'And what would you do?' Ashley scoffed

'Well I could have given him moral support, from a distance.'

'Look, can you just drop it please? It was nothing, nothing happened, nothing too tell, so let's just move on. Ok?' Kaidan could not handle this right now, his head was aching his palms were sweaty as he dreaded walking into that office and finding Shepard standing there.

'Oh no you don't get off the hook that easily,' before Joker could question him more the door opened and Anderson motioned for them to come in. Kaidan walked drag as he followed the others into the office, before he could go in Anderson grabbed his arm, 'You ok Alenko?'

'Yes Sir, just a minor misunderstanding last night. It was nothing.'

'Are you sure Lieutenant?' It was not like Alenko to be getting into fights, he was the least likely to get into trouble, 'If there are any problems I can help with?'

Kaidan wanted to laugh at this, he wondered how the conversation would go if he told him the truth _'yes sir there is, your crazy goddaughter punched me and then we almost slept together and now she is my CO what would you suggest I do?' _yeah he thought that would go down really well. 'No sir, it's fine, really. But thank you.' He didn't dare look into Anderson's eyes, he felt if he did he would be able to see the truth so he turned and took his place on the spare chair. He was relieved to see Shepard was not there and the tension in his shoulders relaxed a little.

Anderson sat down and tapped his fingers on the desk for a moment before looking at them. 'Well I must say that shake down run turned out to be interesting. You have all had your private debriefings regarding that mission and I expect your report on my desk by 13:00 hours today. Moving on from that I have some news regarding your next orders.'

They all tensed up, Joker gave a knowing smile and Kaidan couldn't help but wish he had been wrong.

'I have had a very long evening, so I want to get this done quick. You are all still assigned to Normandy however there will be some staffing changes, as you no doubt realized. Pressly as the next highest ranking officer you will take Commander Shepard's position as XO of the Normandy.'

Pressly slightly puffed up his chest at this news, he was a proud man and everyone knew he would take this promotion very seriously.

'The rest will remain in their appointed posts,' he paused for a moment 'apart from me. I will be giving Command off the Normandy over to Commander Shepard for her mission against Saren, you have all witnessed the horrors he has caused and the Normandy wouldn't run as effectively without you on it. However, you have to be aware that this is now a joint mission with the Council and therefore must answer to Shepard who will then in return report to both the Alliance and the Council. If anyone has any issues with this I need to know. Otherwise please be ready to leave by 16:00 hours tonight. You are dismissed.'

They filed out of the room; an air of excitement and confusion followed them. Kaidan knew it was now or never. He couldn't do this, it was not fair on him or her, he didn't belong on a ship with her. He knew this, they knew this. It was best he save them all the embarrassment, not only would he just get in the way, being around her made him almost lose all control, do stupid things mess up his senses, so he waited for the others to leave.

'Lieutenant?' Anderson looked up to find Alenko standing there.

'Sir, permission to speak freely sir?'

'Granted.'

'I think it best I do not continue to serve on the Normandy, I request that I be transferred and you find someone more suitable for the role.'

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**A/N: **Please R&R it does help and it's a great boost to read them, ideas are very much welcome at this point I have a brain block…too much going on in my head at the moment to be thinking straight.


	18. Chapter 18 Welcome aboard

**A/N: **Nearly getting back to the cannon story now yeah! Not long now. Thanks for all those who have read and for **JULESHAWK** for sorting out the mess I make when writing.

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**Chapter 18**

**Welcome aboard.**

It had been a very long morning, only a few hours left until he passed over his command. Anderson opened the apartment door surprised to find Shepard sitting there crossed legged on the sofa in a hoody and sweats eating some form of ice cream.

'What are you doing here?'

'Getting in some personal time, that a problem?'

'I am assuming you went to the meeting with the Council?'

'Yes of course I did, don't you trust me?' She smiled as he sat next to her, she scooped up some of the ice cream and gave the spoon to Anderson.

'How did it go?' He asked as he took the spoon.

'Well in regards to the information I was given from Aliya, they investigated that.'

'And?'

'And it appears it is true, Benezia has not reported in for some time now. They would have missed the ties with Saren, if it were not for the information found by Aliya, I owe her again. They tracked her daughter's location to a dig site somewhere in the Artemis Tau cluster, they suggested I start there.'

'Good, so you have something to start with.' He was relieved she had some direction.

'How did your day go?' she asked.

'It was interesting.'

'How so?'

'Alenko requested transfer off the Normandy.'

She froze for a second, 'Why?'

'He didn't really say, he just said it may beneficial that he no longer serves on board, I gathered it had something to do with the fact he turned up to my office looking like he had his head smashed into a window.'

She froze again, maybe it was a good idea that he didn't come, it was for the best. It hadn't occurred to her what she would say or do when she saw him 'What did you say?' She asked trying to keep her voice as casual as possible.

'I told him he was being absurd, he was a fine officer and he had to stop doubting his own abilities. If he didn't hold back he could have been on his way to his own command by now.'

'He's that good?'

'Your mother personally put his name forward for the Normandy, she was grooming him for command.'

'Why is he here then? Wouldn't it better for him to return to the Ardent?'

'No, I think this is a good chance for him, he could learn from you and you could learn from him.'

She almost laughed at this comment, 'Like what?'

'Alenko is an extremely powerful biotic, one of the most powerful in the Alliance,' She went to interrupt him, but he held his hand up to her, 'I know he doesn't look like it considering how little he uses them in combat, but that's why this may be good for him. He needs to learn to let go, and you need to learn control.'

She didn't say anything, she didn't want to give anything away, Anderson could read her like a book and she didn't want to give him the chance to do that now.

He took another bite of the ice cream, 'so I said to him give it a month, if he still feels that way after I shall consider it.'

'I don't want someone on my ship who doesn't want to be there, maybe he shouldn't come?'

'Well you're not in command yet young lady she is not your ship for another couple of hours.'

She smiled, 'well if I only have a few hours left I best get going.' She stood up and stretched.

'Where?'

'Shopping, I want to look at all the shiny toys I can get from Spectre requisitions.'

As she wandered the Citadel, shopping bags in hand she was glad of the hustle and bustle of the market places, it distracted her from her thoughts.

'Commander Shepard?'

She turned round and came face to face with a video camera and a tall stern looking woman.

'I'm Khalisah Bint Sinan Al-Jilani, Westerlund news. Can I ask you a few questions?'

Shepard frowned at the woman, 'well you just did.'

'Humans have tried and failed before to get the respect of the galactic community, do think you becoming a Spectre is a way for humanity to finally gain that respect?'

'Respect? Miss Jilani, I am doing my job, it would not matter to me if my name was dragged through shit and back again. This is more important than respect, this is about the protection of our colonies, our people and stopping the sick bastards out there that do that to others. Now if Humanities politicians want to play behind my back at using this as an advantage, as long as they don't get in my way, I don't care.' Shepard just glared at the camera and she could tell that the reporter did not get the answer she wanted.

'How do you feel about becoming the first human Spectre?'

'Busy.'

Jilani waited for the commander to elaborate, when she didn't she tried to press on. 'You have been given command of one the Alliance's new war ships is this true?'

Shepard just shrugged, 'hang around and find out for yourself what ship I am given in a few hours.'

'Why is it that one of the Alliance hero's we have all heard about over the past few years has never shown her face? This is the first time we have finally been able to see the Commander Shepard, survivor, hero and solider of the Alliance in the flesh.'

Shepard just glared back, this woman was annoying her, she wanted to punch her just so she would shut up. But she had not been a free woman for 24hours yet and she didn't think punching a civilian reporter would go down well.

'Ok then….' Jilani was at a loss as to how to salvage anything from this interview, the first one to one interview Commander Shepard and all she could find out was she doesn't play politics. 'What does the great Commander go shopping for before a big secret mission?' She motioned to the bags in her arms, maybe she will let something slip in regards to the Councils Spectre requisitions department, she would have loved to get her hands on the Commanders requisitions list, see what weapons and gadgets the council has been holding out on.

'Toothpaste.'

The answer caught Jilani off guard, 'excuse me?'

Shepard cleared her throat. 'Toothpaste, I don't like the taste of Alliance standard. It leaves a funky aftertaste I prefer the minty freshness of Kolko toothpaste, it makes my teeth all squeaky clean.'

Jilani stood starting at the Commander, trying to figure out if she was being serious or not, until Shepard pulled out a tube of Kolko toothpaste, her face deadly serious. 'See, and it was a bargain as well.'

She put the toothpaste back in her bag turned around and walked away, ignoring the calls behind her of the reporter, she really didn't want to be wasting her time with dammed reporters.

Garrus could not believe his luck when he saw the very woman he was hunting down walking away from a very angry looking reporter, he took a deep breath. It was now or never.

'Commander Shepard,' he called out.

'Oh for god sake what now?' She spun around, 'Oh, Officer Vakarian, it's good to see you again, how are things in C-sec?'

'It's just Garrus, Commander.'

'It's just Shepard, Garrus,' she smiled.

'I was hoping I might be able to have a quick word?'

'Of course, does this involve shooting people this time?'

He chuckled, 'no, this time I think we are safe.'

'Damn, that reporter made my trigger finger all twitchy.'

'Well if you're that eager I am sure I can find some ugly looking Elcor art to use as targets.'

'As much as that sounds like a lot of fun, unfortunately it may have to wait.' She liked his humour, he was upfront and blunt in what he thought, sort of like her. It was refreshing. 'So what can I do you for Garrus?'

'I heard you would be getting your own command?'

'Yep.'

'Well as I understand, Spectres can pick a crew to serve on the ship allocated to them by the Council. I know it may sound absurd but I wish to put my name forward to be considered to become part of your crew, I have had military experience as well as C-Sec security.' He took another breath.

'Well the issue is Garrus technically my ship is Alliance, however you are correct in that I can pick my crew. And as it so happens I am taking command of the Normandy. With its Turian design it may be of some help to have a Turian onboard.'

Garrus couldn't believe his luck, he never thought she would let me him come, it had been a crazy wish.

'So report to the Normandy by 16:00hours today, if you're late we leave without you.' She smiled and walked away.

He stood there for a second dumb struck at his own dammed luck, was he finally getting his chance? After all of these years? Then he ran. He needed to pack, there was no way he was going to be late for that.

As Shepard walked back to Anderson's apartment, the idea of Garrus on her crew kept playing with her mind, it was a brilliant one, she liked the Turian. And he had already played a part in regards to getting Saren so maybe there was another way to get some more help. She started to write out a message on her omni-tool.

She stood in front of the mirror, her hands slightly shaking as she buttoned up her dress jacket, she was relieved to see Anderson had already pinned on her medals and ribbons for her. As she slipped on the white gloves she stared at herself in the mirror, and staring right back at her was her mother. God she didn't realize how much she did look like her, dressed like this she really did look like a mini Hannah Shepard, apart from her eyes she had got those from her dad. Just as she was drifting off in thought Anderson came up behind her.

'You look great, you know I am happy it's you today, you deserve this and I am glad I can pass her over to you.' He squeezed her hand slightly, he knew she was nervous, there would be media cameras, representatives from both the Council and Earth. She was not very good at the all the pomp and ceremony of events like this. He was only grateful it had been a rush job to get her on her way ASAP. 'Here,' he passed he a wrapped parcel, she looked at it curiously.

'What is it?'

'A few things to keep you going, don't open it now wait until you leave ok?'

She smiled and slipped it into her bag, 'thank you.'

'Well I think it's about time don't you?'

She took a deep breath, 'I guess so.'

They started to walk when Anderson coughed, 'I think you're forgetting something.'

'What?' She turned, looking at him slightly confused.

'Cover,' he passed her the navy blue cap and she sighed as she placed it on her head.

'Really? You know I never wear one.'

'You do today.' He smiled as he stepped out of the apartment.

When they arrived at the docking bay it was certainly a circus. Civilians lined up to catch a glimpse of the great Commander Shepard, off to save the Human Colonies, reporters from all species were commentating on her anticipated arrival, she felt like a zoo animal. All these people staring at her, but she held her head up high, no emotion on her face as she made her way through the crowds to be greeted by the crew of the Normandy, all lined up to perfection awaiting the welcome of their new commander.

Shepard heard above the crowd the familiar sound of the old earth military drums, three raffles signalling an Admiral, she turned and saluted as Hackett walked towards them, this was way too much pomp for her taste.

The words seemed to blur into one sound as she saw Hackett's lips move, but none of it formed into real words. It was only when he held out his hand that she jumped back into reality, she took it and then turned to Anderson who handed her the Normandy's flag and shook his hand in return. She muttered the lines of response like a script but all she could feel was a pit in her stomach as she turned to face her crew. They all snapped into salute as she spared one last glance at Anderson who gave her a reassuring smile as she walked through the parade of crewmembers to board the Normandy.

She didn't dare look any of them in the eye, but she couldn't help herself as she approached the doors, letting her eyes dart over to her right, her heart made a slight jump as she saw her Lieutenant, so he turned up? Part of her was concerned he would not be here and some sort of relief washed over her as she saw his figure standing there, eyes dead centre and not a flicker of emotion, just like her. It was only when she saw the bruise on his face that she quickly turned her attention back to the Normandy. He deserved that. But why did she feel guilty?

She stood in the entrance of the Normandy granting permission for each crewmember to board as they presented themselves, she thought she heard her voice shake a little as Alenko boarded. He stood in front of her. There was nowhere to hide or look away now as he saluted her. She returned it in the most formal fashion she could muster. But before he moved away there was a moment when he dropped the façade, just for a second she thought she saw some kind of fear in his eyes, or was it hatred? Whatever it was she hated herself for it, not a great way to start as a CO. She was glad it was just a second though it appeared to be a lot longer as he walked away and Williams now stood in his place.

Suddenly there was a loud noise outside the airlock 'YOU GONNA STOP ME YOU FLESH BALL?' She rolled her eyes, she knew who that was. She braced herself as she stepped out into the airlock and she was right. There stood Wrex towering over some very intimidated Alliance guards, the media where in a frenzy and Anderson was trying to get through.

'STAND DOWN!' Her voice echoed over the crowds, she was slightly surprised at herself and at the tone she carried in her voice, she knew she could threaten but she didn't know she could do it with authority like that. The guards stood to attention as she walked over to the Krogran who was glaring at them, behind him stood Garrus and Tali. She was glad they'd made it, she was worried they would not show.

'Shepard, what are these mutts standing in my way for? I don't let anyone get in the way of a hire.' He growled at the youngest of the guards and Shepard was sure he might have gone and just pissed himself.

'Wrex, they are just doing their job. Welcome aboard,' she moved to one side to let the massive Krogan pass onto the ship.

Garrus gave her a shrug, 'Krogan are not known for their diplomacy,' she smiled and motioned for him to follow Wrex. Tali stood there but she looked a little lost in the crazy surroundings and events.

Shepard walked over to her and blocked her from the crowds. 'Just go right in,' she smiled to reassure her as she watched her enter.

There was an uproar of questions streaming from the crowd and Anderson finally managed to get to her, 'I'll handle this lot, just get on that ship and make me proud.'

'Yes sir!' She smiled saluted and walked back into the Normandy, the doors closing behind her.

She was relieved to finally get to her quarters, her quarters? The notion still seemed strange to her, it was not that long ago they were Andersons. She walked into the room and slung off her jacket tossing it onto the bed. She turned around and flung open her bag pulling out the uniform she was _required_ to wear. She sighed; it was a rare occasion for her to step into a uniform, now it appeared she would be living in it. As she pulled on the top she noticed something left on her desk, she went over and saw a photo, a photo of her family, she smiled and saw the handwritten note next to it.

_Victoria,_

_People believe in you and still love you no matter what._

_Remember that and you will always make us all proud like you have done already._

_David_

She traced her finger over the photo, her father, her mother and her and her little brother. All sat around the tree in the garden with a picnic. They all looked so happy, like a real family, smiling and laughing. She took a breath to calm herself, she had not seen this photo in years and she couldn't help but feel a little sentimental. She smiled at the note, they were too much alike leaving handwritten notes around. Maybe it was not the best idea that she had left one for someone else on this ship, it was too late now. The photo suddenly reminded her of the package Anderson had given her and she grabbed it out of her bag before sitting down on the bed and opening it.

Kaidan glanced up at the bunk he was assigned too and sighed; they really did seem to get smaller and smaller every time. He flung his bag onto the bed before realizing someone had already put something on it, he cursed. If he had to go hunting for some midshipman who had stolen his bunk that would put him in a very bad mood. He reached onto the bed and found a parcel. He grabbed it and glanced at the piece of paper stuck onto it.

_Didn't think you would have time to request a new one._

_Sorry._

The handwriting was elegant and small, the delicate strokes of the pen were almost artistic. He pondered for a moment before it hit him, it couldn't be? He ripped open the package and found a brand new Alliance dress shirt with his rank. There was only one person on this ship that knew he needed a replacement.

'What's that?' Joker made him jump and he spun around, shoving the note into his back pocket.

'Oh, I ordered a new shirt, needed replacing.'

Joker chuckled, 'you put on a bit of comfort weight Alenko?'

'No, and what are you doing here anyway, you sleep and live in the cockpit.'

'Yeah but regs say I need a bunk, whatever.' He sat down on the bunk across from Kaidan and eyed him curiously 'So?'

'So what?' Kaidan pretended not to notice as he started to unpack.

'You going to tell me what happened?'

'Nope.'

'AWWWWWW come one! You're such a bore! You can't not tell me.'

Kaidan sighed he knew Joker would not let this drop, he didn't make a habit of lying but desperate times call for desperate measures. 'Fine. I met up with a friend we got drunk, had a disagreement and that's it. Like I said nothing happened.'

Joker couldn't decide if this was true or not, it seemed like the most likely conclusion, but still something was off about it, why didn't he just say that in the first place? 'Ok fair enough. Well I got to head back to my throne, my lady awaits and we don't want to keep her waiting.' He mocked a bow and left Kaidan to unpack.

Kaidan waited until the quarters were empty before taking out the note and reading it over and over, there was that word again, sorry What exactly was she sorry for? Sorry his shirt got ripped? Because that was his fault if he remembered correctly, sorry she left? Sorry it even happened? Sorry for what? He sighed as he placed the note between the pages of his book before leaving to report for the officers meeting. It was going to be a long mission.

Shepard sat on the bed smiling at the little care package Anderson had made her, each item with its own little explanation. The strawberry flavour energy bars, because she doesn't like chocolate. The emergency veggie food packs, just in case she ran out. A little wooden carving of a tree, to remind her of her home. A paperback copy of The Tale of Two Cities, it was still her favourite. And various other little items including real coffee, herbal teas, fluffy warm socks and a warm blanket. She smiled as she unpacked each item. He really did know her best. Finally she took out the slim metal pouch that lay at the bottom of her bag, it held her most treasured possession, her father's Alliance flag, she never left any were without it, just in case. If she was to be buried she wanted her Fathers flag to go over her coffin. She could not afford to have sentiments but she allowed herself some little ones that meant a lot to her. She carefully placed it in a drawer and in her own little way this felt like no matter where she went her father was always with her. She checked the time, shit she was late, what a great way to start her command, late for the first officers meeting.

**A/N: **Please R&R love to hear from you all.


	19. Chapter 19: Sudden Attack

**A/N: **Firstly thanks you to **JULES HAWK** for the beta once again. Secondly I am sorry for the slight delay with it being the holidays to be able to use the ships connection was a mission in itself everyone wanting to talk to family and friends and when I got to use it I did the same, so sorry but back to normality now I think. And finally I hope you all had a FANTASTIC Christmas and new years! Lots of food and fun for you all wherever you are. I got to keep up old traditions with my CO and fellow officers to serve christmas dinner to the crew and play bucket ball on deck because thats how cool we are! Now back to the story!

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**Sudden attack**

She grabbed a datapad from the desk and ran to the conference room, opening it she turned to find all senior crewmembers who jumped to salute as she entered, she waved them off.

'Sorry I am late, please sit down.'

She glanced around the room, Pressly, Adams, Williams, Chakwas, Joker and Alenko. She didn't dare look at him so she focused her eyes right in front of her on the small red wire on the wall behind the chairs.

'Right, first of all I am no Anderson, I doubt I would do as good a job as he would, but as we are all here I hope you will give me support.'

'No problem there,' Joker grinned in his seat, she gave him a slight smile back.

'Ok, so I am going to need your advice and help to get through this. I am having an open door policy, so you can come see me whenever about whatever. I am not massive on all the formality and regs but I expect rules and orders to be followed and respected, is that understood?'

'Yes Ma'am' she winced at the chorused response, 'Well that's going to take some time,' she whispered to herself. 'Anyway an open door does not mean an open invitation to barge into my quarters in the middle of night to get woken up unless its needed, I warn you now I do not like being woken up.'

Joker burst out laughing at this, 'Damn right you don't, my advice if you have to wake her, get a large stick and a jug of water and then run.' Chakwas chuckled slightly but the rest remained in an uneasy silence.

Shepard just shook her head, 'I would try hiding after you run,' she smiled back at Joker who nodded in agreement. 'Moving on from my waking habits, like I said open door policy and I suggest you make the same to the crew who serve under you, it makes it easier for communications on such a high importance mission. I don't want any issues no matter how small to go unattended. Right, now that's over give me the Sit rep so far.' She glanced over to Pressly for him to start.

'Everything is running smoothly, the new Galaxy map will make navigation more efficient and precise, I can log into planning routes allowing you, Commander, to observe them. It makes it an advantage in terms of tactics, being able to track the Normandy's location and routes allows us to adjust more efficiently in aggressive situations. I have Sub-Lieutenant Evans heading up the weapons systems with our Flight Lieutenant here.' He motioned to Joker who made some effort to hide his eye rolling.

Shepard did her best not to react, 'what about the weapons systems? Joker can you fill me in?'

'Well we have the mounted GARDIAN point defence lasers as per normal, Javelin disruptor torpedoes. We have programed in the targeting system to link in with CIC, Evans can take over there keeps him out of my way. Oh and the mass accelerator cannon. I'm good but I am no weapons expert and I don't trust Evans to take over warfare, he doesn't really get it if you know what I mean?' Pressly sat there with a look of horror on his face and Joker just responded with a shrug of the shoulders.

'Ok something that needs to be dealt with then,' Shepard made a note on her datapad if Joker didn't trust him to handle it on his own she didn't, no doubt he was good at what he did but with such advanced systems on such a high risk mission she didn't want to take any chances. 'Medical?'

Chakwas smiled, 'Nothing really to report we are fully stocked and equipped with the latest medical technology, I have also stocked up on Amino-Dextro medication and plenty of antibiotics as requested. I just need all crew to sign off on their own personal medication as soon as possible so I get it logged in.'

Kaidan made a mental note of that, not signing off on your meds always led to complications and questions instead of just sticking in the damn pain relief he needed.

Shepard tapped her fingers on her datapad, she knew she would have to speak to him, he was her goddamn marine detail officer and tech, but still she avoided all eye contact with him as she went to the other side of the room, 'Adams? And please I am no Engineer so try to keep it in English if you can?'

'I'll try my best,' he smiled. 'The IES stealth systems is running well, it gives us around 2-3 hours silent running time or if you just want to drift we can go for a few days before having to vent the lithium heat sinks. The drive core is still about the learning process, just figuring out personal tweaks as we go along to make things more efficient.'

'Good that saves me a headache of trying to read the engineering manual,' Adams chuckled at her response. 'I'm trusting you on this one Adams because I probably won't understand your report but I do understand what it is to bullshit,' she smiled and Adams nodded. 'Anything else?'

'No ma'am, well Joker did mention that after coming out of FTL the drive core affects the balance of the Normandy.'

Shepard looked over to Joker who held his hands up in defence, 'yeah it throws her off balance a bit, nothing I can't handle though.'

'You want to run a stabilizer check next time we come out of FTL?' She raised her eyebrow at him,

'Well if you think it's needed, I don't mind rocking the ship for you.'

'Good, we will arrange for that to be done, all crew that are not needed for the test can be down in the cargo hold, no harm in using this as training for them as well right?'

'You just want to play don't you Shepard?' Joker cracked a cocky smile.

'You know I love a bit of competition, it settled then, Ok, Williams I want you to head up the Gunnery, keep all firearms in check. I also want you to assign each crew member a firearm, and go over basic with them and keep a locker of those weapons tagged and ready in case of any emergencies.'

'You got it Skipper, not a problem.'

She took a breath, now she had to look at him, now she had to let that guilty feeling spread through her, 'Alenko?

'The updated Rota for watch is done, to be honest with such a small crew as far as Marine detail goes there is not a lot to report at this time. All have been equipped and have settled down to their routine, no problems there as of yet.'

His voice showed no sign of emotion, not like the previous night. The thought made her head spin for a moment as she tried to draw her attention back to the current situation. She realized she must have been too much in own head as she only caught the end of his tech report.

'….So everything is good Commander.' He tried, he tried so hard, maybe a little too hard he thought, to sound professional. He gave his report like he was reading it off the datapad, avoiding all contact. He had to fake he was reading through his notes as he spoke, he didn't have the courage to look up into her eyes. If he did he knew he would be in trouble. Being so close to her but yet so far was slightly tormenting to his senses, his biotics seemed to react to her presence and he hated it, hated the fact he was so drawn to her. Was he so shallow that even though her personality drove him mad, and he didn't exactly like her, she was just so intoxicating? It felt like a drug had been released into his body, something so bad but it felt so good leaving him craving more, and now he would have to go cold turkey.

There was a moment of tension in the room, everyone could feel it though no one knew why.

'Anything else?' Shepard cleared her throat glancing around the room,

'What about our newest members?' Adams spoke up.

'FINALLY!' Shepard grinned, 'someone mentioned the giant elephant that has been lurking in the corner.' A couple of them chuckled, 'Are there any issues? Because I was considering integrating them into the crew, gives them something to do.'

Pressly coughed and looked slightly awkward the same for Williams, but before anyone could say anything, Sub-Lieutenant Evans voice rang loud and clear over the com.

'We have unknown contact baring 232, approximately 8 clicks portside approach.'

Shepard stood up, and used the ship com. 'All hands report to stations, this is your Commander speaking, this is not a drill, I repeat all hands to stations.' There was a flurry of movement as everyone rushed to get out of the room.

Shepard ran to CIC. 'Report?'

'Unknown contact closing in on our location, slow and steady.' Pressly was a flurry of movement as he sped towards his station.

'Warning red, weapons tight I want everything hot and loaded, Adams is the IES ready for use on command?' As she spoke the ship's warning systems began to flash red and the com lit up.

'Yes commander IES ready and waiting.'

' Open com lines I want to see if I can find out who this is.' She glanced over to Pressly who nodded when the channel was open.'This is Council Spectre Commander Shepard of the Alliance Navy, you are approaching our location, identify yourself.'The lines were silent; no response came from the unknown vessel. 'I repeat this is Council Spectre Commander Shepard of the Alliance Navy, you are approaching our location, identify yourself or we will be forced to consider you as hostile.' Still no response.

Suddenly Jokers voice echoed through CIC. 'Prepare for evasive manoeuvres, incoming.' Just as he said that the Normandy shook violently. It caught Shepard off guard, she was flung forward, smashing her head against the bar that was in front of her, the throbbing and dull pain only lasted a split second before she was back up shouting out commands.

'Fire 3 rounds, 10mil portside offset NOW'

'Copy, firing NOW!'

'Target has gone…. Commander, I cannot get a reading on the target, all tracking systems have lost contact.'

She glared over to Pressly who looked up at her in confusion.

'How? Have we got a confirmed hit?'

'Negative.'

'A ship does not VANISH FIND IT NOW! ADAMS engage stealth.' She was getting a little flustered, she had to keep calm she had to remember it was not just her life she was looking out for, she had an entire crew to protect now and the feeling was slightly overwhelming. 'All stations make damage report to control.'

'Shields holding, IES online, weapons hot, cargo have reported an external breach in the hull requesting damage control.' Pressly was looking like he might be sweating his bodyweight in water in one go.

'Get damage control down there now, divert sector 12.4 shield stabilizers by 25% to the portside damage and someone find me that DAMN SHIP!'

'Commander, I may be able to help.'

Shepard spun around and saw Tali standing there, her hands twisting around each other, 'How?'

'Commander that ship it's Geth, I recognize the structure. And well the fact they have disappeared, I may know why.'

'Tali you have 5 seconds before I start sending whatever fire power we have in every direction. What do you know?'

She stumbled over words as she was trying to explain as quickly as possible, 'Well Geth don't need life support, they don't need to run the functions of a ship like we do to be able to survive. In effectiveness they can shut down the ship completely they only need to run basic electrical systems for the onboard platforms to function…'

Shepard caught onto what she was saying and couldn't believe how clever it really was. 'Meaning they have no heat signature or anything that sensors pick up, it's like our IES? I thought we are the only ones who have that?'

'Yes you do, if they try to move the ship, or even start to heat weapons the ship has to effectively come back online allowing us to track it again.'

'So you are saying we are both invisible right now? And they are remaining in one position?'

'Yes but as soon as you get close enough they bring the ship back online and fire again.' Tali was speaking so fast that Shepard could barely keep up with her.

'But they can't see us can they? So we fly around a bit till we see them?'

'Negative commander,' Pressly interrupted, 'I would advise against it. Adams has reported a heat increase in the reactor the longer we stay in IES the hotter it is getting.'

_Shit, shit, shit! _Shepard started to pace slightly. 'Why the hell is the reactor heating up?'

'The Venting system was damaged, I can get the specifics.'

'No don't bother.' She started to mumble under her breath, time was slowly ticking away, they couldn't just sit here and wait for the Geth to make their move, and they couldn't go looking for them. Then it hit her.'Adams, how much heat is stored in the heat sinks?'

'Adam's voice replied through the com, 'We have 16.78 in ….one and 65.3 in two commander.'

'Can we to do a controlled heat dump?'

"Commander?' Adams sounded confused by the odd question.

'Look you know I am no wiz at all this tech babble but can we dump what heat we have stored in the sinks in a controlled way? As in create a beam of heat we can aim in one direction?'

'In theory yes. But we do not have the time to do that, we will need to run tests and…'

Shepard cut in, 'Ok so we can't do that now, I get the idea so can anyone give me an idea of what we are meant to do now?'

Just as the silence became unbearable Pressly shouted. 'Commander we have them on our scanners, they are headed towards the relay.'

'Track it NOW.' Shepard gripped the bars in front of her until her knuckles went white, no one damaged her ship and will expected to get away with it, let alone run away.

'Commander, we have lost them….' Pressly was red in the face as he looked over at Shepard who took a deep breath.

'I want all the DOPE* on my desk in fifteen, I want someone to figure out where the hell that ship went, I want reports on all systems. And SOMEONE patch up that breech ASAP, I don't want to be hanging around here any longer than I have to.' She took a deep breath before pressing down on the com. 'Adams I want you to see what you can do about trying to figure out if we can do a controlled heat dump and….' She glanced over to Tali who was still stood behind her. 'Do you think that will work?'

Tali shuffled her feet, 'in theory I think so, you want to create a way to scan the area with heat? Then any large object should…in theory show up.'

'That's right,' She smiled at Tali before pressing back down on the com, 'and Adams I'm sending down Tali she will be able to assist.'

'Copy.'

Shepard turned round to Tali who was still standing there, 'well go on I'm sure you will be a great help down there with Adams.' And with that Tali darted off and Shepard nodded to Pressly 'I'll be in my cabin.' And she walked away.

* * *

**Jack speak/ Navy acronyms **

* DOPE- Data On Previous Engagement

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**A/N**_: _So yeah this went in a different direction than I expected it to but hey that's where my mind was at the time, on work, and work came out in the story slightly. Tried to keep it clean and simple though. Please R&R on anything and everything.


	20. Chapter 20 chasing Geth

**A/N: **Once again sorry for the wait, work work work and then BOOM no ships connection for a while so apologies! (3 months left till home!) Big thanks to _**JULESHAWK**_ for dealing with all the silly mistakes I _ALWAYS_ make

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**Chapter 20**

**Chase the Geth**

Shepard shut the cabin door, her heart was racing and her hands slightly shaking as she lit up at cigarette and took a deep breath. She was a trained marine not a trained CO of a ship. Being under fire on the ground was something she could handle but on a ship? That was an entirely different matter. She had to be strong, she had to get back on her feet and not let something like this happen again. The crew were counting on her, Anderson was counting on her, hell the entire Alliance were counting on her not to screw this up. She didn't know how long sat there pondering her inexperience in this situation but she was suddenly jolted back to reality when she heard the buzz of her door.

'Enter,' she sat up straightening her uniform and put on what she hoped was a calm expression.

'Commander I have the damage reports and information you requested.' Kaidan stood frozen at the entrance to her cabin, he did not dare to step in without being asked to do so. Whatever feelings or apprehensions he had about her on a personal level were not to be confused when the time came to do his job, he was a lieutenant and that was more important. Duty and service came first.

She glanced up expecting Pressly but who stood in front of her was far from being Pressly. This was the last person she wanted to see. But now was not the time. 'Bring it here please,' she motioned over to the small desk in corner and watched as he placed the datapads on it. 'How is it looking?'

'Damage control are fixing the breech in the hull as we speak. Apparently the Krogan, Wrex, was the first to respond to the situation, moving the cargo to a safer position so it would not increase further damage. The crew seemed impressed.'

Shepard smiled slightly at the news, 'well I guess one good thing came of that then, it might be a good idea if we get him working with damage control, gives him something to do. I know Krogan get cranky when all they do is sit on their arse all day.'

'He was not the only one who has helped, Garrus has been going over weapons with Evans and has suggested some adjustments for improvements, it's stated in the report. Adams, myself and Tali have been working on plans for a controlled heat dump as requested. I believe Adams has taken a shine to her, she is extremely impressive, her skills rival that of the best of the Alliance.'

The way he spoke about Tali made her a little angry, she knew she was good otherwise she wouldn't be here she didn't need _HIM_ telling her that. 'Any ideas on the location of the ship?'

'No ma'am not exactly, though Pressly believes that from the trajectory left by their heat residue, they may be headed towards the Pax system.'

'Why there?' She tapped her fingers on the desk and chewed her lip in thought, Kaidan could not help but stare at her, such a normal sign of human emotions that he would have never expected her to have. 'Well I guess we will be making a pit stop then, see what the Geth find so interesting there. How long till repairs are finished so we can head off?'

'Estimated ten hours.'

'Make it five, and they can have a beer to celebrate.' She waited for some petty comment in response but it never came, instead she watched as he grabbed the med kit from the wall and opened it up.

'I am assuming you don't think that is important to go to Chakwas about?' He motioned towards her head; she frowned in response as she brushed her hand across her brow and noticed the blood.

'I-I didn't realize,' that was true at least or she would have dealt with it herself, she must have got it when she smacked her head on impact. 'No need to bother Lieutenant I'll just wash it and whack some medi-gel on it.'

'Sit.' The tone of his voice took her by surprise for a second, it sounded like an order but he wouldn't dare order his CO to sit like some dog.

'Excuse me?'

'You heard me, sit. Or I get Chakwas and you will spend those next five hours in the med bay with her lecturing you.' He didn't quite understand where he got the nerve from to speak to her like that; maybe it was when he watched her he noticed the blood then the colour slowly draining from her face without her even realizing it. He was a field medic after all, this was his job and he was not going to let some stubborn bitch take that away from him. He may not be the best marine but he was one hell of a medic and tech and he

would do his job.

The threat was not lost on Shepard as she took a seat by her desk, for a moment she grew paranoid she probably smelt like smoke and sweat, she brushed the thought aside, when did she care what others thought of her? She pressed her lips firmly together as he knelt down in front of her, something so normal as just cleaning up a cut felt rather personal, maybe she would risk the wrath of Chakwas. It was too late now as she felt the cool compress gently wipe across her forehead. Her eyes darted towards the ground and she couldn't decide if it was the quickest or slowest moment in her life until she finally heard him speak.

'There, just apply more medi-gel to it in the morning and it should heal fine, no dizziness or feeling faint?'

She looked up and saw him packing away the medi-gel still kneeling at her feet. 'No, I'm fine thank you,' her voice sounded croaky and she wished he would just leave so she could get on with her day instead of faffing over a small cut. He looked up at her and she couldn't help but notice the cut on his lip still had not healed. He was tending to a wound that had nothing to do with him whilst he sat there injured from her own irrational violent behaviour.

Once Kaidan left he finally let out a sigh of relief as he headed back down to engineering, keeping his mind busy would help the situation.

The next five hours seemed to disappear and before Shepard knew it they were on their way to the Pax system. She was sat at her desk flicking through the massive pile of reports and Intel when her she received a message from the Council on her Omni-tool.

….

FILE NUMBER: C-4599800

CLASSIFIED CLEARANCE LEVEL S4

Attached are files regarding evidence of Geth interests in Noveria, Pax system, Horse Head Nebula Cluster.

Conformation of interests are unattainable at the current time. Requesting SPECTRE presence to ascertain viability.

…

Well at least they have done one thing right, after the attack she made her report to the Council and requested any Intel regarding the Pax system they may have as to why a Geth ship may be heading there. Now she had her answer, Noveria a damn corporation planet run by business and board rooms not a place she would fit into. She pressed down onto the com. 'Joker set a course for Noveria ASAP.'

'Setting course now ETA one hour Commander. Do you want me to inform the Ground team?'

She thought for a moment, dealing with Geth is one thing but she was more likely going to have trouble with the corporations blocking her path. Diplomacy and intimidation are what she needs for this. Intimidation well that's easy, between her and Wrex they have that down rather well and she was looking forward to working with a Krogan. As for diplomacy….. 'Joker who would you say is the most diplomatic sweet talker we have?'

'You mean a brown nose or just knows how to speak politics?'

'Both, either I don't care I need someone to handle the corporation BS we are probably going to face and my solution of a gun in the head won't work for me all of the time.'

'AWWWWW and I bet you were looking forward to strangling them with their ties?'

'Who wears ties nowadays?' She chuckled to herself.

'I have one, I'll let you borrow it one time.'

'No thanks I don't want whatever you have been tying up near me…now answer the damn question will you?'

'Sorry ma'am! I would say Alenko he is a thinker the rest will just shoot.'

She rolled her eyes, great she thought, of all the marines who can handle civvies and bureaucracy it has to be the poster boy. 'Fine tell Wrex and Alenko I want them suited and booted to hit groundside when we approach.'

'You got it.'

She headed down to the lockers and started to strap on her armour, she was so focused on her pre ritualized motions she never noticed Wrex and Alenko start to suit up. She could tell there was tension and that was understandable, had Wrex even been groundside on a team like this before? She used this opportunity to clear some of the air.

'Right Wrex remember this is a Council and Alliance mission therefore you follow orders, no questions no arguments. Is that clear?'

'You tell me to shoot I'll blow his head his head off, got it.' He smiled smugly as he loaded up his shotgun.

'If anything happens to me, it will be Alenko who will take the lead.'

'You humans make things too complicated, the strongest should lead so if you are the strongest you will not go down before either of us would. Though I think I am the strongest. But this is your show Shepard.'

'I take that as an ok?'

He just shrugged as he smacked Alenko hard on the back which made him stumble slightly caught off guard by the sudden force.

'Don't worry if your human proves himself in battle I will follow him.'

'He's not MY human,' she mumbled under her breath as she holstered her pistol and started to make her way to airlock.

'This is the SSV Normandy requesting docking and a birth.' Joker sat waiting for clearance to take her down.

'SSV Normandy you are not scheduled for a visit and do not have authorization to land please state your business.'

Joker chuckled, 'Well aren't they a friendly bunch,' and he pressed back on the comm. 'Council business we have a Spectre on board requesting permission to land.'

'Be aware we have our weapons aimed and loaded onto your position, if verification of this is not given we will impound your vessel and if you attempt to resist you will be dealt with by force, please dock at bay 6CC.'

'Yeah I'm booking my next shore leave here, fancy it Shepard?' He turned towards her his eyes wide with amusement.

'Yeah why not, we can play hang the businessman.' She smiled as she made her way into the airlock. This was going to be interesting.

As they stepped out onto the hanger bay of Port Hanshan they were greeted by armed guards, not the best way to go for good impressions as far as Shepard thought.

'I will have to ask you to please remove all weapons from your persons.' The female guard stood there trying her best to look intimidating, though it did not affect Shepard in the slightest as she withdrew her pistol and aimed it at her head followed quickly by Alenko and Wrex.

'I don't think so, you want my weapons? Come on then I _DARE_ you to try take them off from me, please I would love an excuse to wipe that…..' Just before she could continue she heard Alenko clear his throat behind her.

'Diplomacy Commander, remember?' He said in a low whisper.

She sighed, not lowering her gun she stared down the guard. 'Who are you?'

'I'm the law here, so I suggested you do as I say.' She returned the stare.

'Sorry but I outrank you, I'm a Spectre, guess you're no longer top bitch around here.'

Kaidan could not help but feel this was not going to end well as he heard the low guttural growl come from Wrex and saw Shepard's trigger finger firmly placed and ready to fire. He didn't know whether or not to step in or just let her play it her way. His question was answered by a voice coming over a speaker.

'Captain Matsuo stand down. Verification is genuine. Spectres are allowed to carry weapons here.'

Shepard finally lowered her pistol and walked briskly by the guards, 'you're lucky you head isn't scattered all over the floor by now _Captain_,' she murmured as she passed the furious looking guard.

Kaidan sighed, clearly Shepard was not used to handling situations in a calm and formal matter, her solution was to shoot anyone who stood in her way, damn animal he thought to himself. Make the first human Spectre a crazed short-tempered maniac who can kill in a heartbeat. Not the best candidate to represent Humanities image.

She sat in the Mako a grin on her face, with that dick Anoleis who ran this god forsaken place arrested, the pompous up themselves guards lying in body bags and garage pass in her pocket she thought what the hell have I not got to be smug about? They were finally on their way after Benezia and she would finally get some answers.

'GETH!' Alenko's voice shouted as he slammed his foot on the brakes causing the Mako to suddenly spin to its side. Shepard grabbed the gun controls firing the rockets into the oncoming Geth, she knew they wouldn't just let them take a leisurely ride up to Peak 15 but this was getting ridiculous. Every few metres another squadron of Geth attempted to create a blockade and it was starting to piss her off.

'Just run the tin cans over next time Alenko, we are wasting time, I want Benezia, she is not going to get away from me!'

She was growing inpatient, her target was somewhere in Peak 15 and they think that a couple of Geth would stop her? They were very much mistaken.

As soon as her boots hit ground she was glad to be finally pulling out her pistol, she didn't enjoy games of cat and mouse and this was turning out to be one hell of a game. The endless list of requirements she had to resolve just to reach the facility started to once again make her loose her patience.

'Alenko fix the landlines, I swear if I have to bend down to fiddle with wires in this freezing place I will just rip them out.'

'Aye, aye, ma'am,' he glanced round and saw her leaning against one of the posts. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold giving her a cute rosy red face, but the fact she was covered in a nasty gooey substance which could only be described as bug juice took away any type of _cuteness_. Those creatures were not right, they were unnatural and unknown,

Wrex had a great time charging among them. He figured out that if he fired his shotgun in a certain place they would explode and as Shepard had some crazy tendency to charge in head first it resulted in her getting covered as well. There were a few things he didn't like in this universe and now he could say giant killing exploding bugs would be added to that list. He'd felt a little out of his depth standing there shooting whilst the other two charged right in to thick of the battle, the way Shepard used her biotics as if she had no fear of them, no concern about the power she wielded made him jealous and a little angry. He spent so long fighting them to keep them under control and here was a woman who would gladly let them surround her and use them in ways he had never witnessed, she was more like an Asari commando than a human biotic.

'Alenko you done yet?' Shepard glanced around the open space, once they were done here they could finally get the tram to the facility and find out what the hell was going on. Geth she expected but giant bugs? That was a new twist to tale, was that why Benezia was here? She wanted to get this over and done with. Her head was throbbing from lack of sleep. If that dammed beacon had not burned into her skull causing her nightmares to only worsen she may have been able to sleep at night instead of pacing around. Maybe she could get some answers, maybe the next trip she would be returning with Saren's head on a platter and this whole thing could be sorted out.

'Landlines restored.' The VI's voice alerted them and she wasted no time getting back indoors in the warmth and heading to the tram.

'You humans can't handle the cold,' it was more a statement than a fact that Wrex made which made Shepard chuckle to herself as she listened to Wrex talking to Alenko.

'The cold doesn't bother me,' Alenko shrugged, 'I'm used to it I suppose.'

Shepard glanced round. 'Why? You been living in an igloo up till now Alenko?'

'What the hell is an igloo?' Wrex asked.

'House made of snow, and no ma'am not an igloo just Canada.'

'That explains a few things then.' She walked ahead without clarifying what she meant. Alenko sighed, he was getting used to the constant belittling comments from her and though it angered him now was not the time. He followed suit as he listened to Wrex behind him arguing as to why humans would make a house out of snow.

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A/N: yep I know I did Noveria first but I do in the game anyway because the running around always annoyed me! Please R&R! I will get back on it like a car bonnet now! Or I shall try!


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